| "Silence, and Other Fine Points of Manipulation" | ||
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Paige's Place June 7, 2008 Ungodly hour in the morning Paige watched intently from the balcony of her apartment, the figure below standing on the bow of the boat moving slowly and with determination. So Saf is finding herself again, she thought. It was always the way, she supposed, it was how people evolved, how they became something different. It seemed things always just went along for a little while, that you just kind of existed in time. Then something would happen, something big would come along and knock your happy little world right off its axis. Just like that. Just like that was usually how it happened. Then you had to get up and try to find that balance again, try to get that happy little world back on course again. But it wasn't the same, it was never the same again. These 'things' that came along, these tidbits of knowledge, these actions or events, always changed you. Always made you a little bit different, always had that axis tilted just the tiniest bit afterwards. But you'd get it started again and before you knew it, your little world was spinning happily once more. Then you just had to wait for the next time. No big deal, right? Saf's happy little world had gotten knocked way off course. And though it was a long way from being back to normal, if that was even possible, it looked, at least, like she was getting there. The rediscovery of yourself after something so big happened was always amazing and humbling at the same time. Paige herself was doing it, evolving, changing, at that very moment. Joshua had been the one thing, the one driving force that knocked her planet so far off kilter she would never be the same, probably not even remotely close to what she had been. Some aspects of her would be affected only a little bit of course, some things were just ingrained into a human being. But how she looked at the world, that was changing, that was evolving into something that�she wasn't quite sure yet. Joshua had that way of knocking you over, just running you down into nothingness. Yet, he, himself never appeared to get knocked off course, or if he had, he either quickly found his way back, or simply hid it. Paige was almost sure she had knocked him a little off course, that he was different since Capricorn, she was almost positive. She could hear the change in his voice. It was gentler than before, quieter, less intimidating. Unless the change in herself allowed her to hear it differently. Either way, Joshua was who he was, and he was born that way. Her? She was made. Joshua made her. He had created this different-ness and now she was evolving. It was not unlike the night she was the killer-becoming and evolved into the killer-become, the night the Moonlighter had helped their escape. He knew what it was like, the Moonlighter. Hell, he had been evolving himself, that much was reflected in the hazel depths of his eyes. Yes, he knew quite intimately what it was to evolve; the necessary detachment, the transcendence, and the hollowness. For her, that night, it had been quick and fleeting. This evolution, like the Moonlighter's, was moving at a much slower pace, a crawl, because this time, it would be permanent. It would ingrain itself into her being as if it had always been there. It was mind boggling, disturbing even. In any event, it was time, and she turned away from the moving figure and went back inside. She laid down next to Brian, who had somehow managed his way into her bed during the night. Bad dream, nightmare, he had said before crawling under the covers next to her. He was sleeping soundly and she stole the time to listen to him breathe softly and stroke his hair absently. She loved this boy and no matter how much she evolved, how much she changed, how far she went, or how dark she became, she would always love this boy. She would always love him and protect him. Protect him from the things in the world that were intent on destruction, that only knew chaos, and that only practiced disorder. She would protect him...protect him from people like herself. She heard the door open and Saf pad softly into the shower. She listened to the water running still feeling Brian's soft puffs of breath over her arm that lay near her head. "She's going home today." Paige looked over at Brian's sleepy blue eyes. "How do you know?" she whispered. He shrugged, which looked kind of awkward with him lying down. "Because sometimes I just know things." He smiled softly then got up and stretched. He walked towards the door, "tell me something," Paige asked propping herself up on her hand. "How do you see her? What's she doing?" Brian stopped and stared at the door for a moment before he looked at her thoughtfully. His eyes were a little distant and she knew he was thinking about Saf. He was good at that, reading people, knowing about them instantly in just the tiniest of moments. But he didn't answer her, instead he just smiled and shrugged before leaving the room. She sat there in silence until she heard the water turn off. Paige moved as soon as she heard Saf leave the bathroom and go into the hallway. "We have to talk," she said softly to the retreating back. Saf froze and turned around slowly. "About what?" Paige smiled noting the marked attitude in the question. But it was all good and Paige was willing to play. "About what happened, Madeline, the drugs..." "It happened," Saf nodded, "it's in the past." "Is that all you can say?" Paige asked. "I saw the way you were..." Saf shook her head, "what is done, can't be unchanged...nor do I need to keep revisiting it." So Michael had talked to Saf about it already. Inevitable, Paige supposed, and she felt that familiar dislike seeping into her brain along with the thoughts of Michael. Michael, who had hurt her so many times, had cut her so deeply she was afraid the wounds would never heal. His name alone brought up feelings of impending doom and pain. He was a horrible man. But she was losing Saf, Paige could see it in Saf's eyes and hear it in her voice. "Don't shut me out..." Saf sighed, "Paige, believe me, I am not shutting you out or me in. I can't change the past, and I don't want to, Madeline is better for being dead as the world is for her not being here. End of story. I just want to move on with my life." She could do it now, tell Saf everything. Tell her that her moving on with her life was based on false information and incorrect guesses. Tell her that it had been Michael all along, that it had been Michael that cooked up the whole scheme, that had given her the drugs, and subsequently almost cost her her life. Paige could tell her these things, all of these things, and get back the one thing she had lost years ago: an ally. Paige alone was not good enough to take out Michael, but Paige and Saf would have a chance. If Saf knew the truth about Michael, there would be more than hell to pay. That path would suit Paige's needs, but what about Saf? Was it even about anyone other than Paige herself anymore? Hadn't she always been into that? Self-preservation? Joshua had told her, had told her quite frankly that she was only about self-preservation. Maybe that was true. But there was another way. Not her first choice, because Michael dead in her eyes was always an objective, but there was something else. If she didn't tell Saf that Michael was behind it, their friendship, alliance, whatever the hell you wanted to call it would remain intact. Saf would have that strong shoulder to lean on, someone who knew her inside and out. Paige would be able to keep tabs on Michael through Saf. Keeping tabs on anyone was always a good thing. And Michael? Well, his guilt would keep his sorry ass in line. He owed Saf at this point. Owed her for something he could never tell her about, never admit to, never bring into the light. That guilt would burn him and somewhere along the line...he would fuck up. And Paige would be there to capitalize on it. Paige fought off the smirk that threatened to light up her face as the whole situation clicked nicely into place. In the case of telling Saf versus not telling Saf, the Nots win out. There were just too many better things to come out of it. Now to throw the ball back into Saf's court. Paige looked away, "I want to believe you..." From the living room, a small voice interjected, "are you two going to be much longer? I'm hungry..." Paige smiled softly hearing that tiny voice. Saf answered his question, "do you want pancakes?" Manipulation...was it that? Manipulation? It was more like protecting her friend. Throwing in a little advantageous stuff her way certainly didn't hinder, but mostly it was about Saf. It wasn't a bad thing, self preservation, was it? Well, whatever it was she was doing made her hungry. She looked brightly at Saf, "definitely if you're making them." Paige followed Saf into the kitchen wondering what Joshua would think of her decision... Return |
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