Mooish

Do not be alarmed for it is not as scary as you think. It's all very simple really and goes back to a conversation I had with Phil quite a while ago (you'll find that a lot of bizarre things go back to a conversation with Phil).

I'd been to see Lake Placid and was discussing the misuse of cows. Then I decided that if cows could talk they'd be saying "You know, actually, I don't want to be hung from a helicopter over a lake that has a giant man/cow eating crocodile in it..ta very much (this cow was obviously from Lancishire)." But seeing cows don't speak english (or another other language for that matter) we decided that they speak Mooish and the reason the director of the film didn't know that the cow didn't want to be dangled from a helicopter is because the director didn't speak or understand Mooish.

After all it's not the most difficult of languages to speak...it just envolves a lot "moo"ing. But then again it depends on what you're trying to convery with your mooing...desperation, joy, hunger...so you need to get the right emphasis on the moo.

For example: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Could either mean the cow was very pleased to see you, or was being chased by another cow with a gun that meant to use the gun in the way guns were intended to be used or had just won a big hand at poker. But believe you me if it had just won a big hand in poker it may also jump up and hug you cos cows don't tend to play poker that much...it's their hoves you see.

I suggest you go out into a field (not just any field...preferably one with cows in it) an listen to the cows talking to one another, maybe they'll even talk to you!

A scary but usual sight in cow bars across the country. Although dancing cows like that don't earn as much as the stripping cows.

A not so flattering snap of Maureen the cow...taken by her husband George in their little 1 bedroom field in Manchester.

Disco Herb spends most of his evenings down the local youth club trying to convince the young 'uns to play disco tracks.

Cow Links

Cowdance
Amazing Cowcam
Big Dave's Cow Page
The Cowpage