Characters are not mine, would appreciate comments though.
She who would not love
‘Tis possible to love a man so much you cannot live without him
Yet ‘tis also possible to love him enough to give him his freedom
and accept that he is happy without you...
But can I love that generously? Is it possible to see him in the arms of another and smile, he who is my one true love? Is it possible for me to move on?
No matter how many years have passed, no matter how many miles I put between us, I will never escape the pain, not this pain.
I sigh as I look outside, it was spring and the cherry blossoms had begun to do their dance with the wind. It has been five years since I left them behind. Since I tried to run away from the pain that has found me again.
Five years.
Memories of long ago still haunt my dreams, laughter in distant places still stings my heart and in the middle of it all, still burns the love I tried to poison.
Oh god! Will it ever be over?
I close my eyes and the memory of fiery red hair dancing with the cherry blossoms fills my mind, and once again the pain comes, this incurable pain I have inside. And yet, the memory shifts and the red hair becomes a thin red silk ribbon…
Arrgh that idiot! How dare he come in to my thoughts!! How dare he leave me when…when. Oh forget it.
Where could he be now? Without him my supply of bandages never seem to run out. I wonder if he’s doing ok.
Heh, thinking of a man that left you? How pathetic, he went to the other side of the world to get away from you for crying out loud. But…
But what? Would you admit that he was the only one that made you smile? Would you admit that he was the only one that almost made you forget about Kenshin? Would you admit that you who wanted his love the most drove him away because of a stupid promise you made? Because of your stupid honor and arrogance? Because of your fear?
On the day Kenshin left to fight Shishio and said goodbye only to Kaoru, it was on that day that I admitted defeat. It was on that day that I swore no one would hurt my heart once more. I promised myself I would spare my heart that pain. The same pain I am feeling now. Where did I go wrong?
I hear the gossip in the marketplace. Of the girl doctor who is wasting away, refusing every suitor she had, embracing the life of a spinster. Perhaps she is waiting for her one true love. HA! I wanted to laugh at this, those old crones should stick to gossiping about themselves, they’re much better backbiting each other anyway. Hahaha! What was I waiting for?
Someone to understand? Understand how abandoned I felt? How rejected I became? How stupid I was? To have it all in my hands and let it slip away? I hope he’s happy out there somewhere.
Somewhere? I did not say Edo. Then, it must mean… stop it Megumi, why can’t you still admit that you love…I mean you are in love…I mean were…
I am thankful for the call I hear drawing me from my thoughts that might lead to catastrophic conclusions.
"Hey doctor? What has a guy got to do to get some service out here?" what an uncouth brute I mentally noted before showing myself.
"You the doctor? Aren’t you missing a little something in the middle to be a doctor?" the nerve! I scream in my mind. But the years of being a woman doctor made me smile and explain that I was quite qualified. It was treating assholes like these that make me want to quit.
"My hand sorta hurts."
"Let me see." The irritated woman subsiding and the concerned doctor taking over.
"I sorta hurt it while I was in a fight hehe." Some fight, his hand is almost mangled to the bone. I sigh and bring out some ointment and bandages to start dressing his wounds.
He flexed his fingers and drew them into a fist, surveying his now mummified hand. I smile remembering when not long ago I would sit in this very position lecturing Sano. That was long ago in a city I have long since forgotten.
"Heh no one can bandage a hand like you fox lady." I froze. Those words, that voice, why didn’t I notice how familiar they seemed. Could it be?
I reach my hand out, tentative at first, but when he did not attempt to move away I drew his long bangs from his face. And there amid its nest of brown hair sat the worn silk ribbon and I move my gaze lower and catch his eyes, his beautiful brown eyes. Could it be?
"Idiot." Was all I could say. He smiled his smug smile and bowed his head.
"I guess it was useless coming here." Stop. Please tell me anything just not that you would leave me again. "I knew it was stupid but hey that’s all I am anyway right?" he stops as he feels my tears fall on his bandaged hand now resting in mine. He looks up at me and I cannot hide the tears my eyes had long since wanted to let fall.
"Idiot. What took you so long." He was what I was waiting for. He mutters something about not being able to provide his doctor a clinic of her own and about making money but I was no longer listening. I close my fingers around his fist and catch his rambling mouth in mine as I let myself fall into his arms.
I can love that generously and forget he that was the love of my life, so long as he was with me. Sano was the love of my life, there was no denying that now.
I look at him kneeling beside her sleeping form.
"Don’t you have a meeting with the officials?" I ask standing behind him.
"I can’t leave her, not when she’s sick."
"I am the doctor here and I’m telling you all she needs is rest."
"But I mean what if her fever comes back?"
"Sanosuke Sagara! Do you want me to get angry?" he looks up at me with those beautiful brown eyes, a smile playing in their corners.
"No, I want you to get jealous." He laughs sweeping my legs and letting me fall into his arms.
"I know for a fact that I am the only woman in your life!" I frown.
"Nah, now there’s two of you and perhaps a third one?" he teased.
"Oh no this time it’s gonna be a boy so that I can spoil him like you do her." I put my hands around my swollen womb protectively.
"Oh no you won’t my son will not live underneath her mother’s skirt."
"Why not his father does?" he laughs kissing me hard on my lips. I wince I can already feel the bruises. I hear our daughter stir in her sleep and I quickly pull away from him.
"You’ll wake her up!"
"Let her wake up, I haven’t been able to sleep worrying about her."
"Sano you idiot." I snap getting a bit peeved at his inconsideration.
"That’s why you love me fox lady." He whispers huskily in my ear and my anger dissolves as I feel my knees suddenly go weak, god I am thankful I’m not standing up. Why does he use that voice when he knows I can’t resist it? He knows me too damn well.
He carries me over to our room, our daughter forgotten for the moment.
He crawls into my arms for another kiss, careful not to crush the child between us. I look up at my husband and I smile, it was a lie, whoever said that did not know what he spoke of, for I could not live without this idiot and I do not intend to. And he claims my lips once more.
~end~
so what do you think?