As every Christian person interested in kink realizes, there is a great deal of apparent difficulty in being both a man or woman of faith, and someone involved in or exploring BDSM. Most people with this dilemma find themselves in one of several positions; locked in a constant struggle with two halves of their personalities, falling away from the faith to make their BDSM participation more palitable or at least less conflicting, or else finding a way to reconcil the two. The last happens more often than you may realize and can be done without compromising your beliefs at all.
There's quite a bit about marital relations in the Bible. Most of it is negative (the "thou shalt not's) with not much said about the thou shalt's. The thou shalt not's don't leave much wiggle room: Don't commit fornication. Don't commit adultery. Don't commit incest (including step-parent/child). Don't practice sodomy. Don't practice bestality. Don't rape and don't lust. These are all clearly and specifically laid out in the Bible numerous times over many centuries, documented in both the Old and New Testaments. There's no way around these don'ts. God said them and He expects us to abide by them. Some readers may already be taking exception, pointing out two don't that are very often included in this list. These are percieved prohibitions on mastubation and oral sex. This woman has left them off for the reason that they are not clearly forbidden in Scripture.
It would be very easy for any casual student of the Word to conclude that God didn't like intimacy very much, even within marriage, because we so often read all the don'ts and somehow conclude that there can't be much left inside the box formed by the laws. This woman would like to argue that God's perpective of marriage is anything but grudging allowance. In reality, the don'ts put a flexible but well defined wall around intimacy. God expects intimacy to happen in marriage. He expects married couple to stay true to their vows. (In ancient Jewish custom, the marriage vows weren't words at all but were represented by the couple "knowing" each other the first time.) God did not intend for immediate family members to share intimacy - brother/sister, parent/child, step parent/child, or uncle or aunt with child. He does not want to see men with men or women with women. He doesn't want a woman or man to use an animal for their partner. A man cannot force a woman to have sex. He doesn't want a person (to use the language of pop psychology) to be emotionally disconected from their partner, longing after women on the street.
Do these really put much of a limit on marital intmacy? No, of course not. There is a huge amount that can be done within the married relationship that does not violate any of these boundaries. Now there are the highly legalistic churches and pockets of believers who think that anything other than missionary style sex is wrong (there is absolutely no Biblical basis for this at all!), more common are those who believe that non-procreative sexual activity is banned. The only passage that even vaguely supports this belief is Genesis 38:9 where we read, "But Onan knew that the heir would not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in to his brother's wife, that he emitted on the ground, lest he should give an heir to his brother." This single verse is used to deny oral sex and masturbation when in fact it is about neither. The story is actually about the Jewish laws governing the death of a husband and how the widow should be cared for, in this case how the law was abused. In the context of the story, Onan did the right thing.
Everything we have today was given us by God, including sex. Used properly, it is a beautiful gift. This woman hopes the passages linked here will help you see how this is so.
1) If a passage is intended to be understood figuratively (as an allegory, metaphor, vision, simile) the text will say this with metaphoric cues such as �like� or �as� or so-and-so had a vision or dream.
For example, Proverbs 5:18-19 � "Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love."
We understand that the wife (v. 18) is not literally a loving deer and graceful deer (v. 19) because the word �as� at the beginning of v. 19 cues us to the fact that the animal comparison is meant figuratively.
A second example is Daniel 10:7 � "And I, Daniel, alone saw the vision, for the men who were with me did not see the vision; but a great terror fell upon them, so that they fled to hide themselves."
Here, the phrase �had a vision� is used to explain that what follows is not meant to be understood literally but is rather a picture that humans can understand of things only God can see fully.
2) Do not ever base a fully developed doctrine on a single passage.
Was Peter "the first pope," as the Catholic church believes? This woman won�t presume to challenge the church or anybody who believes Peter was established as the first pope on her own. She will simply point out that only once in all of Scripture was Peter arguably named the first leader of the church. (This is in Matthew 16: 18 where we read, �and I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it.�) There�s more discussion of women having their heads covered in church than of Peter as the first pope! A very simple exercise with a Strong�s concordance (which anyone who can read can use to learn the basic meanings of Greek and Hebrew words) reveals that �Peter� (petros) means �a piece of rock (Strong�s #4074) while the �rock� (petra) the church will be built on means �a mass of rock (Strong�s #4073).
Keep these two rules in mind any time you study the Bible. They will be especially important if you are trying to understand BDSM from a Biblical perspective.
Keep in mind that the passages listed here are by no means definitive. They are meant as a starting point in your exploration of Scripture.
Initial Purpose
Intimacy
The Laws New!
Marriage
Poetry
Song of Songs