A hilarious fanfic written by GlittaKitty123. This fanfic will have you laughing from the beginning! E-Mail GlittaKitty and tell her what you think.
Disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with Passions or NBC.
Theresa stood on the porch of the Lopez-Fitzgerald house. She breathed the sweet Harmony air and the fresh new day coming upon her. All the sudden, a wonderful idea flashed into her bright head. "I have an idea!! I have an Idea! I know the perfect way for Ethan to fall in love with me!!," she gloated. Whitney walked around the corner and heard Theresa's revelation.
"What is it this time, Theresa," Whitney said, "What scheme have you thought of now?,"
"Its wonderful Whit! Wait till you hear it!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Bennett House*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kay watched in disgust as Charity and Miguel groped each other on the couch in her house. "Ugh, get a room , " she muttered to herself walking in the living room and interupting them.
"So, Charity, didnt you say you had something very important to do today?," Kay asked.
A shocked Charity stood up with fearful eyes, "Had something to do? What was I supposed to do? It was important? How could I forget! Someone could be in trouble or on the verge of an emotional breakdown because of my irresponsibility!," she looked at Kay with a plea for help in her eyes. Then, She looked down at Miguel, and said, for no apparent reason, "Oh Miguel,"
"Hel-lo! Charity, remember you had something important to do???," Kay said to her, rolling her eyes.
"Oh yeah! I must go right now!," Before Miguel could stop her, Charity went flying out of the house.
"So, Miguel," Kay said, "What are you going to do today?,"
Miguel, who seemed to just be coming back to consciousness, looked at her and put on a grin, "Kay, you are such a good friend,"
Kay was actually kind of sick of that good friend thing. "Yeah, Miguel, anyway, I was thinking we could go do something today, maybe-,"
"Kay, you are such a good friend," Mogul interrupted.
"Thanks. Anyway-,"
"Kay, you are such a good friend," Miguel cut her off again.
Kay raised her voice. "Thank you, Miguel. I KNOW I AM A GOOD FRIEND! Can I talk now," she was getting annoyed. Miguel just kept smiling.
"DO you want to see a movie with me today?," She shot out. There was a pause for a few seconds.
"Kay, you are such a good friend," he smiled up at her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Sheridan's Cottage*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"C'mon, you have to come with me," Luis tugged Sheridan's arm.
"UGHH!! I hate this you living with me thing!," She walked out the door behind him.
"You are just a MACHO, stubborn pigheaded man!," she yelled as they walked through a park.
"Yeah, and you are an ungrateful little wench!!!," he spat back at her.
Sheridan gasped. "You little!," Sheridan went into a brawl about all the awful qualities of Luis.
Sheridan was interrupted when some old guy, out of nowhere walked up to them and said, "You two are in love!,"
"WE ARE NOT!," they yelled in unison.
So Sheridan and Luis kept walking down the path of this so-called-park. All the sudden, a young woman on a bike stopped right in front of them, knocking Sheridan over.
Luis gasped and put his hands on his hips. Looking up at the sky, he shouted, "I'll save you!" and frantically climbed on her, her pumping her chest and performing CPR.
"LUIS! I FELL! My god, get off of me, I am fine!," Sheridan said, but was thinking maybe she should fall down a little more often because of how much she enjoyed Luis' CPR.
"Oh-sorry," Luis said, toppling off of her and standing up.
The biker who knocked them over still stood there in amusement.
"Hey, guess what you're in love!!," She said to them.
"EXCUSE ME!!!??," Sheridan and Luis yelled again at the same time.
"Hehe! HA! You're in love!," "I know love when I see it and you are in love!,"
"You dont know us, you have no idea what you are talking about, now go away!," Sheridan yelled.
The girl got a sad look on her face and rode away.
"Help me up!," Sheridan ordered.
"Yes, Ma'am, " He pulled her up, and their bodies came close, almost touching.
"Hey guess what," Luis ruined the moment. "We are really close to each other, maybe we should kiss before we are rudely interrupted by some annoying little kids or maybe a football or something,"
All at once a football came flying in their direction. It hit Sheridan in the head and she moved away. She put her hand on her head.
Luis gasped, "I'll save-" he started. "LUIS SHUT UP! I am fine!!!," She yelled and they continued to walk.
They decided to stop to get something to eat.
"A hotdog, please," Sheridan said.
"And a cheeseburger," Luis added.
The guy behind the counter handed Luis and Sheridan their food and took their money. As he was giving them change, he said, "Hey, Jim, look these kids are in love!,"
The other man came out from the back of the booth and studied Sheridan and Luis. "Wow!! This isnt something you see everyday!!," he said in awe.
Both Sheridan and Luis fumed.
Chapter 2
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Lopez-Fitzgerald Porch~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Whitney stood there waiting for Theresa to tell erh, allthought she knew she probably didn�t want to know. She looked at Theresa, who had all of the sudden got this dreamy, weird look on her face.
�Theresa?? Snap out of it!,� Whitney yelled at her.
�Oh, oh. Anyway, I was thinking I could kill Gwen,� She said.
�THERESA!,�
�Okay, Okay, It was just a thought. But really, I think, the way to get Ethan is to tell him I love him,�
�Wow, Theresa, what a wonderful Idea! But hey, why don�t you slip into his bed instead,� Whitney said sarcastically.
�You know Whit I cant believe I never thought of this before, all I gotta do is tell Ethan I love him, then I can see if he loves me too! This is great!!!!,� Theresa exclaimed.
�Yes, wonderful!,� Whitney rolled her eyes again.
As Theresa talked of her, �Plan�, Chad came around the corner and stepped up on the porch.
�Hi Theresa, Whitney,� he said.
All of the sudden, Whitney pulled Chad into a long hard kiss.
�Ohhh and you say you don�t like Chad,� Theresa said to Whitney during her kiss.
Whitney pulled away for a second. �Of course I don�t like Chad! He is a street kid with no morals, no goals, nothing. NO GOALS! I would never get involved with anything but tennis!,� Whitney spoke as if Chad wasn�t there. She sighed and turned her face from Theresa, pulling Chad in for another long hot passionate kiss.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*The Bennett House*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Authors note: [sigh] I�m sorry, folks, for some strange reason the rest of Chapter 2 has mysteriously dissapeard. So here is what happens, summed up: Grace is upset that Miguel is always there and never goes home, so she orders him to leave. At the end of the chapter, Miguel comes to the door, crying because he can�t find his house.
At the park, Sheridan is so fed up with the Love thing that she throws her hotdog at the guy behind the counter. Of course, the men find it halirious, but Luis arrests her for assult.
Sorry about that. I have no idea what could�ve happenend to it! ~*~Lyssa~*~
Chapter 3
Theresa smiled as she watched Whitney and Chad continued to make out. "Whit, I'm going to the mansion," Theresa said to Whitney who didn�t respond. So Theresa strutted off and made her way to the Crane Mansion. She opened the door and there stood Gwen.
"Theresa! Thank god your here!," Gwen exclaimed, throwing her arms around Theresa. "I have the BIGGEST favor to ask you! Could you stand at the altar at the wedding ceremony for me? Of course I'd love to be there, but this business trip..." Theresa just stood there with her jaw dropped open. Before Theresa could respond, Gwen said, "Oh Thank you, thank you, thank you Theresa! Oh If you could also write my vows that would be wonderful!,"
Theresa stared blankly at Gwen. She looked over to the crystal vase sitting on the oak coffee table next to the door. She picked the vase up and shattered it over Gwen's head. Theresa sighed and took a big step over Gwen who had collapses on the floor. Theresa ran up the stairs and pushed Ethan's door open.
"Ethan," she moaned, threw her arms around him and kissed him passionately. "Ethan, I have been wanting to tell you this since the beginning of the show-er-since I was a little girl. Ethan, please don�t marry Gwen! Marry me! You mean everything to me!," She cried.
Ethan stared dumbfounded for a moment. "Theresa, are you saying that you're in love with me?,"
"No. Yes you moron! I love you I love you I LOVE YOU!," She exclaimed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The Bennett House*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"You what??," Kay asked.
"I can't find my way home," Miguel wailed.
"Oh my god you IDIOT! Why don�t you just leave here, go find your, like I said before, blockhead of a girlfriend and maybe SHE can help you find your way home!!!!," Kay yelled at him.
"Charity? Oh yeah. She'd know!," Miguel's face brightened and he ran away. Kay slammed the door behind him. A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. It was Simone.
"Oh Kay! I just saw Whitney making out with Chad!," Simone sobbed, throwing her arms around Kay and sobbing. Kay pushed her off.
"Get a life you bumbling idiot!! Forget about that loser and get the hell away from me!," Kay screamed at her.
"Oh you have the nerve! After your obsession with Miguel! You bitch!," she yelled.
"What the hell did you just say?"
"I said you were a two faced, low-life stuck up slut-face BITCH!," Simone yelled at her.
Kay gasped, went over and punched Simone in her face. Simone came over and bit Kay's ear. Kay pulled out a huge chunk of Simone's hair and they were on the ground, punching, biting, spitting ,kicking, breaking things, etc. The door bell rang again and Grace came into the room to answer it.
"Oh girls!," She said. looking at her bloodstained doormat. She looked over at Kay and Simone fighting. "You need to be more careful!," Grace finally made her way over to the door, and pulled it open. It was Miguel and Charity.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The Park*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"What? You can't arrest me!," Sheridan yelled at Luis.
"You are under arrest. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed to you...," Luis said.
"What the hell is wrong with you Luis! I threw a freakin' hamburger and hotdog at them! You CANNOT arrest me!
"You are under arrest. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appionted to you...," Luis repeated.
"Ugh!," Sheridan yelled. "SOMEONE HELP ME!,"
"You are under arrest. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed to you...," Luis said.
"Luis!"
"What?"
"Shut the hell up! I get the point!"
"Oh. Okay." Sheridan watched as Luis took out his walkie talkie and requested backup.
"What? Backup? Why the hell do you need back up?," Sheridan said.
"Because...You are under arrest. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law. If you cannot afford a lawyer...," Luis said again. Sheridan just shook her head and rolled her yes at Luis' babbling. Finally some Harmony cops showed up.
"Thank god!," Sheridan said. A little while later, they were at the police station. "I CANNOT believe that I am being ARRESTED for throwing food!!!," Sheridan yelled to the entire station.
Chapter 4
~*~*~*~*~*~The Crane Mansion*~*~*~*~*~
Ethan rushed down the stairs to Gwen the exciting news, Theresa was in Love with him. Theresa got to the bottom of the stairs just as Ethan got there, who was staring at Gwen lying there lifeless.
"Gwen," Ethan said. "I know this may come as a shock to you, but Theresa is in love with me," Ethan talked to Gwen like she was actually conscious and hearing him. He sat there, waiting for a response.
"Gwen? Did you hear me?,"
"Gwe-en,"
"Ethan! She is unconscious, she cannot hear you!"
"Unconscious? Well, how did that happen?,"
"How did it happen? I smashed her over the head with the vase, Ethan. That�s how it happened,"
"Wow, Theresa. Why?,"
"Oh, Ethan, does it really matter? Marry me, marry me!,"
"Marry you! Oh yes,yes, Theresa I just remembered, I am in love with you!,"
"I knew it!," Theresa held out her hand and Ivy placed the $20 in it.
"Told ya! Thank you!," Theresa said to Mrs. Crane.
"I can't believe this," Ivy said and called the housekeeper, "Rosa clean up this mess," she said stepping over Gwen.
"Well, as long as there will be a wedding,"
"Oh, oh! I am getting married! Oh I gotta tell Whit!," Theresa ran out of Ethan's arms to find her best friend.
As Theresa arrived at her house, she saw Chad and Whitney, on the ground, completely naked, right there on her front porch.
"Whitney, Whitney!," she yelled in excitement.
Whitney pulled out of the lip lock with Chad.
"Theresa, if you are here to tell me that I like Chad, you are completely wrong. I could never, EVER have feelings for such a street kid with no family, no goals, no morals, nothing! NEVER!," She exclaimed and continued with Chad.
~*~*~*The Bennett House *~*~*~*~*~*~
Pilar arrived at the door to pick up Miguel.
Suddenly, as Miguel was about to leave, he realized Charity was unconscious on the floor.
"Charity!," he exclaimed.
Pilar walked in to find Simone and Kay still furiously fighting in the living room.
"Hello Kay, Simone. Charity," she looked down at Charity on the floor.
To make a long story short, Charity was taken to the emergency room, where the docs said she was fine, but Kay still wasn't over Miguel, so at the hospital, she poisoned Charity, who is still in a coma...but that is another story for The Riveting Lives of Passions: 10 years later(Scroll to the bottom to find out more!)
~*~*~*~*~*~*The Jail Cell*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Hank, how ,many times do I have to tell you that I am through with Sheridan!," Luis said.
"Okay, just checking, Hey Sheridan" Hank ran out of the cell to pick out Sheridan's engagment ring.
Sheridan and Luis immediatly got back to making out. They made passionte love for the first time right there in the jail cell.
"AWWWWW!," Sheridan yelled, after bumping her head.
"Whats wrong??," Luis said, eyes in search of a hitman with a gun.
"I bumped my head!,"
"Oh. Well you dont have to interupt and scare me like that!,"
"Well maybe if you didnt have to shove me against the wall so hard I wouldn't!,"
"Well this is supposed to be meanignful god damn it, do you wanna enjoy it or not!,"
"There are other ways to enjoy sex without being phyiscally ingured!," She screamed at him while they made love.
"Well excuse me!," Luis yelled back at her.
Anyway, they continued to make love all night, still arguing the whole time.
~~Okay, there ya have it, The Riveting Lives of Passions, now that it is over, I hope you will send me feedback on how the whole thing was-but wait, thats not it! Yes, you heard(well read anyway)it right: The riveting Lives Of Passions: 10 Years Later, a one part fanfic about what is happing in Harmony ten years later...coming in ten years!(Or maybe tomarro)