A hilarious fanfic written by SheridanC. She'll have you laughing the whole time! E-Mail her and tell her what you think!
Sheridan slipped her leg through the door and dangled it. Luis looked up to see one bare leg in the room. His eyes brightened.
�You...� Sheridan stepped into the room sexily. Luis stared wide-eyed.
�Make...�
Luis jumped up from the couch.
�Me...�
Sheridan began dancing erotically, her eyes closed. �Feel like a natural woman...�
Luis�s jaw dropped. Suddenly, Sheridan opened her eyes. She nearly fainted.
�Oh, my God! LUIS!�
Luis kept staring.
�I-I didn�t know you were in here! Oh, my God!�
Luis cleared his throat. �You make me feel like a natural man!�
Sheridan stared. �What?�
�You make me feel like a natural man!�
�What?�
�I SAID you make me feel like a natural man!�
�I do?�
�You do!�
�Wow. Cool.�
�But you�re the most pigheaded, stubborn woman I�ve ever met!�
�Well...you, too!�
�I�m a man, dork.�
�Then you�re the most pigheaded, stubborn man I�ve ever met!�
�Oh...damn.�
Suddenly, a shot sounded.
�LOOK OUT!� Luis cried, throwing Sheridan to the couch and covering her body with his. Sheridan stared up at him, wide-eyed.
�What�s going on?� she whispered.
�I think it�s Pierre and Roger,� Luis said quietly.
�No. I mean...why do you have a hard-on?�
Luis�s jaw dropped and his eyes bulged. �I...I...well, you tell me! You come dancing into the room singing, �You make me feel like a natural woman.� You sure dance sexy when you think you�re alone!�
�I do?� Sheridan asked meekly.
�Yeah! And damn, what legs you�ve got!�
�All the better to dance with.�
�What big eyes you have!�
�All the better to stare at you with.�
�What big - wait, me?�
�Yeah, you.�
�You want to stare at me?�
�You�ve got a great body - did I ever tell you that?�
�No wonder you were watching me undress...�
�I was not!� Sheridan exclaimed. Suddenly, another shot sounded.
�AHHHH! It�s Roger and Pierre!� Sheridan screeched.
Suddenly, two people dropped from the sky, their hands placed on their hips. They tipped their hats to the two and announced, �We are...the Super Mario Villians!�
Sheridan rolled her eyes and rolled out from under Luis. Luis stood and placed his hand on the gun in its holster.
�So you�re here to - wait, you�re Pierre and Roger. So now you�re...�
�We�re the Super Mario Villians!�
�Well then,� Luis grabbed Sheridan and tugged her to him, �we�re the Super Mario Brothers!�
�I�m a girl, you dork.�
�Er...you get the idea.�
Sheridan rolled her eyes again.
�You know,� Pierre commented, �if you keep doing that, they could roll out of your head.�
Sheridan rolled her eyes again. �I don�t think - AHHH! My eye! My eye! Where�s my eye?!� She covered her left eye with her hand. �Where�d it go?!�
Pierre and Roger looked frantically around. Sheridan nudged Luis and winked. Luis pulled his gun out and BOP! Both Pierre and Roger went unconscious.
�I saved the day again!� Luis exclaimed, and grinned.
�Hah! It was my acting that got us where we are! You...conceited bastard!�
�I am no bastard! I have a father! Wait...well...he�s gone right now...but that�s not the point!�
�See?� Sheridan crossed her arms beneath her bosom and nodded, pleased with herself. �Told ya so.�
�Shut up,� Luis muttered. �What are we going to do with these two?� He gestured towards Pierre and Roger.
�What we always do!� Sheridan replied. �Let them go running so you can save me again.�
�Why, of course!� Luis kneeled down in front of the two. �Hey - Super Mario Villians. Wake up.�
Pierre and Roger groaned and rolled over. �It�s dee cop friend of dee beauteefull blonde Am-er-ee-can woman!�
�Huh?� Luis stared, confused. �What?�
�Nuzzing.� Roger and Pierre rose to their feet. �We must keel you.�
�What?� Luis lifted an eyebrow. �What the hell are you saying?�
�We zed we must keel you.�
�Get rid of the damn French accent!�
�Oh. Okay. We have to kill you.�
�Ahhh...now I get it.� Luis turned. �Sheridan! RUN!�
Sheridan stared.
�SHERIDAN RUN!�
She still stared.
�SHERIDAN DAMN IT RUN!�
�Huh?� She stared in confusion. �I do nut undeestand you.�
�What?�
�I zed I do nut undeestand you.�
�I don�t understand.�
�Preesisely!�
�What?�
�Szut up!�
�What?�
�SZUT UP!�
�The damned French bastards are going to kill you if you don�t run!�
�I steel do nut undeestand you.�
�Stop that!� Luis cried. He ran over to her and shook her. �Stop talking in their French accent!�
�But zey gave eet to me.�
Luis sighed in frustration and turned to Pierre and Roger. �Take your stupid French accent back.�
�Okay.� They shrugged. �Now ze beauteefull blonde A-mer-ee-can woman no longer talk like ussss.�
Sheridan�s jaw dropped. �Oh no! I want my French accent back! Damn it, Luis! You always ruin everything!�
Suddenly...
�She will be mine! She will be mine! Muhaha!�
Everyone looked up to see...HANK!
�She will be mine!� he repeated, laughing hysterically. �I must get her! She will be mine!�
�Hank, you retard,� Luis muttered. �Shut up.�
�I have the muscles, I have the body, I have the face! I�m-� He started dancing around the room, �too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it huuuurts. I�m too sexy for Milan, to sexy for Milan, too sexy for New York and Japaaaaan.�
Sheridan stared. �Hey, Luis, you should do that. I think you�d look H-O-T HOT!�
Luis shrugged. �Sure.� He threw off his shirt and started dancing next to Hank. �I�m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it huuuuurts. I�m too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, too sexy for New York and Japaaaaan.�
Suddenly, Pierre and Roger joined in: �I�m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it huuuurts....�
Sheridan looked at them. She shrugged, threw off her shirt, and started dancing.
�WOW! BOOBS!� Hank uttered in awe. �Look at the size of those-�
�Those are mine,� Luis interrupted. �Mine only.�
Sheridan looked around the room. �I beg to differ,� she replied. �They�re mine!�
She began dancing sexily. �You make me feel like a natural womaaaaaaaan.�
The men gathered around her. �Yeahhhhh,� they murmured, rubbing their hands together.
Sheridan grinned, enjoying the attention. �And...and...� She stopped dancing. �Damn it, I don�t know what to sing.�
�How about..................................................................�
�MATERIAL GIRL!�
�Nah.� Sheridan shook her head. �NO Material Girl! How�d you like to see me without clothes?�
�I�d like it!� Luis volunteered.
�Pervert!� Sheridan shrieked. Suddenly, she grinned. �I like it - I love it - I want some more of it!�
�Of what?� Luis questioned, and Pierre, Roger and Hank stood by dumbly.
�YOU!� Sheridan jumped on top of him and started kissing him ferociously.
�Oh man,� Hank uttered. �I wanted that...� He turned to Pierre and Roger. �Wanna go do it?�
�YEAH!� Pierre and Roger exclaimed simultaneously.
The end!