A hilarious short story written by Star Light.
(Crane Mansion)
(Gwen walks into Ethan's bedroom only to find Theresa and him going at it)
Gwen: Oh Theresa, I'm so glad to find you taking care of Ethan while I had to go answer the phone.
Ethan: (still kissing Theresa) Hi Gwen...um, Theresa is trying to show me how to improve our relationship.
Gwen: How wonderful! I always knew Theresa was our best friend. Well, I'll just be downstairs telling my mother not to worry about Theresa trying to steal you away from me. You two just tell me when you're done.
(Bennett kitchen)
Miguel: I love you, Charity.
Charity: (in evil, possessed voice) Die, Miguel, die!
Miguel: But-
Charity: (shoots lightning bolt at Miguel) *laughs evilly*
(Kay enters)
Kay: There! I told you Miguel! She's trying to kill you!
Miguel: How dare you say that about such a sweet and innocent girl like Charity, Kay!
Kay: But Miguel-
(Evil Charity shoots Miguel in the chest with a bolt of lightning, causing him to fall to the ground dead.)
Charity: Muamumaumuamhauhauahuuhaa! We've done it! We've killed Miguel! Now it's time to kill you, Kay!
(Jessica enters and watches her sister dodging lightning bolts and begins to leave)
Kay: Wait! Jessica, where are you going? Help me!
Jessica: Sorry Kay, I stayed on todays episode WAY too long. I'll be back in about a month or two. I'd better not stay on too long next time, or they just might replace me!
(Sheridan's cottage)
Luis: Sheridan, what are you doing? I'm trying to change clothes.
Sheridan: Oh gosh, I've seen Luis Jr. lots of times. And besides, I wanted to prance around you in my skimpy lingerie, deny my feelings, kiss you, and then blame it on the atmosphere of the place.
Luis: Sounds good to me.
Sheridan: (pounces on Luis and begins kissing him passionately, making him fall to the couch and she lands on top of him)
Luis: Wait, Sheridan, I have to do my job.
Sheridan: And you sure as hell better do a good job...I don't think one time is going to satisfy this urge I have.
Luis: No, Sheridan, I meant I need to protect you.
Sheridan: Oh, don't worry, I bought a whole cartload of condoms the minute I knew you'd be moving in. I just knew they'd come in handy for a time like this! Do you think one cart will be enough?
Luis: No, I mean..oh screw it. (flips her over so he's on top and begins kissing her fiercely)
(Back at the Crane mansion)
Gwen: (returning from downstairs) I've come to my senses, Ethan! I know the truth! Theresa is in love with you!
Theresa: (getting out of bed and putting on her clothes) You're right, and Ethan loves me!
Gwen: What? Ethan, tell Theresa who you love!
Ethan: (looks at both of them) I love you, Gwen.
Gwen: There, see?
Theresa: (in whiny, annoying voice) Ethan!
Ethan: Uh...I love Theresa.
Gwen: What?!?
Ethan: I mean..I love you Gwen.
Theresa: (drops dead to the ground)
Ethan: Wait! I love you Theresa!
Theresa: (wakes back up) Oh, Ethan!
Gwen: Ethan!
Ethan: Uh sorry, I love you, Gwen.
Theresa: (drops dead to the ground again)
Ethan: Dang it! I love you, Theresa!
Theresa: Do you really love me, Ethan?
Ethan: Damn skippy!
Gwen: (in fit of rage) Die you slutty latin bitch!
(Theresa and Gwen start fighting)
Ethan: (sits back and relaxes)
(Bennett kitchen)
Charity: (continuing to shoot lightning bolts at Kay) *cackles* You'll never win, Kay! Nothing is stronger than us!
Kay: Wanna bet? (reaches behind her and begins to throw round red objects)
Charity: *gasps* No! Anything but-
Kay: TOMATO SOUP CAKE! (finishes off Charity) (satisfied, Kay looks around and sees Miguel's dead body)
Kay: Damnit! Why did you have to die before I got you in bed? Hmm..you're still warm..maybe it's not to late..(seats herself ontop of Miguel)
(Sheridan's Cottage)
(Luis and Sheridan are laying on the couch naked, completely and utterly spent)
Sheridan: (laying her head on Luis' chest) You're such a macho pig, you know that?
Luis: And I hate you damn Cranes!
Sheridan: Robocop!
Luis: Spoiled princess!
Sheridan: Womanizer!
Luis: Rich bitch!
Sheridan: God, I want you!
Luis: (kisses her with a fiery passion)
(Crane mansion)
(Theresa and Gwen continue to go at it)
Ethan: Hmm..should I put my money on? Gwen has a big advantage with those razor sharp buckteeth. But then again, if Theresa says fate enough times, it could drive Gwen insane enough to kill herself. It's anyones guess!
Gwen: Wait, Theresa, why are we fighting? Shouldn't we be killing Ethan for playing both of us?
Theresa: I think that's the most intelligent thing you've ever said..especially since you're a horse.
Ethan: Now ladies, let's not be hasty. There's enough of this pansy to go around.
Theresa: (wicked grin) Oh Ethan..Fate.
Ethan: N-no, Theresa..anything but that.
Gwen: Neigh!
Ethan: Ack! No! Not horse sounds!
Theresa: Fate!
Gwen: Neigh!
Theresa: Fate!
Gwen: Neigh!
Theresa: Fate!
Gwen: Neigh!
Ethan: Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Bennett kitchen)
Kay: (completely naked and has wrapped herself in Miguel's arms. She begins to smoke a cigar) Oooh yeh. Life is good.
(Grace enters)
Grace: Hi hunny! Are you and Miguel playing nicely?
Kay: Oh yes..we played VERY nicely.
Grace: That's great! Say, what happened to all of my tomato soup cakes?
Kay: (rolls her eyes)
(Sheridan's Cottage)
Sheridan: Luis, that was so amazing.
Luis: And so the very rich Sheridan Crane admits that a COMMONER pleased her?
Sheridan: You jerk!
Luis: And not just once, but-
Sheridan: (slaps him)
Luis: Ohh..feisty. I like it. I think it's sexy.
Sheridan: You do?
Luis: VERY sexy. Sorry for making you mad.
Sheridan: Oh I forgive you, Luis! (kisses him passionately)
No need to go into great detail :)
The End