A Party At The Cranes
A hilarious story written by [email protected].
Setting: Every Harmony resident is gathered in the Crane mansion, 99.9% of which Ivy has invited.
Julian- (drinking a bottle of vodka) Damn this cursed party! I should be getting laid right now!
Suddenly, Rebecca walks in with Gwen following behind, her huge lips smacking everyone in the face.
Rebecca- (smiling flirtatiously) that can be arranged Julian darling!
Julian- (getting a hard-on) Oh really?
Rebecca pulls a pack of Trojans out of her push-up bra.
Rebecca- Let's get a start-up on the bedroom, tee hee!
Julian- Hee-hee, right behind ya Beck!
Rebecca- Oh, just one second-
Rebecca pulls a pin out of her bra, and pokse Gwen in the lips with it. Gwen instantly deflates and dies, but no one notices.
Rebecca- OK!
Rebecca and Julian skip up to the stairs, but Ivy stops them.
Ivy- Damnit, Julian! Damnit! Damnit, damnit, damnit! You should be hosting this party, not doing the horizontal macarena with Rebecca, damnit!
Rebecca- Cool it, Ivy, I've got some distractions to entertain your guests.
(Rebecca once again reaches into her bra and pulls out a large tray of hors d'ouevres.)
Ivy-(smiling) Oh!!..carry on.
Meanwhile, Charity is spazzing out in the middle of the Ballroom's dance floor as she gets a premonition.
Charity- Oh god Miguel! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!Evil is coming, Miguel, Oh, Oh, Oh!!!!!!!!!!!
Miguel-(very slowly and unenthusiastically) Charity....I love you...what, is, wrong?
Charity- Oh god, Miguel! On the refreshments table! On the refreshments table! It's horrible! We're all doomed Miguel! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Miguel- (scanning refreshments table) Charity, that's just aunt Grace's tomato soup cake.
Charity- I know! See my point! (turns to Kay, who is pacing the room nervously and screaming "it's not my fault" as Hecuba subconsciously yells at her.) You know about this don't you, Kay? Tell me what's going on. TELL ME!
Kay- Uh, like, I, like, don't, like, know, what you're talking about, like, ok, like?
Suddenly, Reese appears looking hot with Jessica on his arm.
Kay- Like, Reese?
Jessica- That's right, Kay, Reese got a makeover, and he's all mine now!
Kay- (in a high pitched squeaky voice) Like, oh no-oh!
Back with Theresa and Ethan..
Theresa- (gazing dreamily up at Ethan) Oh Ethan, I've never been so happy. I love you so much!
Ethan- (starring down Theresa's chest) Uh-huh.
Theresa- And I know now that I can tell you how you're really a Bennett and not a Crane.
Ethan- Uh-huh.
Theresa- Ethan, are you listening?
Ethan- Uh-huh.
Theresa- Oh, OK!
Suddenly, Whitney appears making out with Chad.
Theresa- Whit!?
Whitney- (breaking away) Oh...er..hey!
Theresa- Oh yay! Let's have a double wedding!
Chad- Yo, dat would be phat, yo!
Simone suddenly appears with another weird hairstyle and a mermaid costume.
Simone- Hey CHAAAAAAAAAADDDDDD!
Chad- (repulsed) Uh..yo.
Simone- Wanna go make out, CHHHHHAAAAADDDDD?
Whitney- Uh, Simone, are you aware this isn't a costume party?
Simone- Party? What party? Wait-where am I!?
Simone runs around the house in a panic and eventually falls out a window.
Meanwhile, at Sheridan's cottage...
Sheridan- Oh Luis, I love you!
Luis- I love you too, darling!
Sheridan- (mischievously) Shall we take this into the bedroom?
Luis- (his eyes almost bulging out of their hot little sockets) Yes! MY GOD yes!
Luis and Sheridan rip all their clothes off, and start toward the bedroom when someone knocks on the door.
Luis-Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!
Sheridan- Oh that mother beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppp coming in on our beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppp I outta beeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppp beeeeppppppp beeeeeeeeeeeeppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hank-(knocks once again on the door and talks in a weird annoying voice) Hey Sheridan! Are you in there, Sheridan? SHERRRRIIIIIIDDDDDDANNNNNN!!!!!
Sheridan- (in fear) Make him go away Luis, make him go away!
Luis- I'll get my gun.
Back at the Crane mansion..
Sam- Hello Ethan.
Ethan- You wanna take this outside, biotch!?
Ivy-(in damsel in distress mode) Ethan! Sam! Please-I hate it when you fight!
Sam- I don't have to take this! I'm leaving, come on Grace, Charity, Kay, and the other kid we have that no one pays attention to!
Jessica- my name is Jessica!
Sam- Oh yeah..Jessica.
Grace- (her chin quivering) But, But Sam! I'm not done my tomato soup cake yet!
Charity- bwahhhh!
Sam- Screw you then, you annoying little beep! I'm leaving!
Ivy- No-Sam! You can't leave! Ethan is your son!
Sam- Hah! I don't believe that!
Sam leaves after ripping off all his clothes except for a speedo and rubbing oil all over himself, and Ivy turns to Ethan.
Ivy- I'm sorry, Ethan. I didn't tell you because I loved you!
Ethan- (once again starring down Theresa's dress as she falls down from the weight of her engagement ring.) What?
Ivy- Err...never-mind.
Suddenly, a gun shot rings out, and everyone runs to the window to see Hank shot-they all cheer.
The End!!
