6:53 am
MOOD: oh gosh..

So, update, Alexa's closing act yesterday was amazing. She is so very very talented.. What she did, i think, was she guitarred and sang to some worshipful songs.. She was in a lot of pain u could tell, like a lot of us. There were also paintings of the life of Christ by this Danish dude, that were slide-projected.. The music and the slides went together a lot. The paintings were VERY good. She didn't do the paintings, but she synced the music with them well. Subtley. She did amazing. Then i went to Mac, and hooked up with Missy to get a ride, and fievel for one reason or another was able to lighten the mood. Her and her american idol :P

7:23 am
MUSIC: I'm With You (Avril Lavigne)

I just got my monkey suit up from the laundry. :'-( It's all nice and clean.. Jared's letting me borrow it.. cool of him..

I can't go.. this is going to be horrible.. what am i going to do? its gonna be so freaking hard,..   :'-(   ..of course i'm coming. what am i thinking.

I really need to eat something. I don't know what though.. My stomach is like 'egh' and it hasn't stopped for days. Maybe I'll go to breakfast. I dunno what i can eat from there, though. I have like 6.5 meal points left :)      :'-(

What am i writing.. there's nothing to write. Crap, I'm not even writing. I'm typing. What am i coming to. i don't suppose i'll have an entry tomorrow, day of the funeral. I dunno actually. Why am i saying this. I dunno. Well, don't bother saying it. I want to go back to bed.. actually i'd better get in the shower, i don't want to be late. For something. I dunno. Why do i get up so freaking early? Is there a reason? I think it's part of my 'get lots of sleep'-fighting mentality that is so stupid. I should just, i dunno, sleep when i need to, or something. Notice how way back like a thousand days ago, i was tired from staying up too late. Maybe that's just life. Enough. I'm rambling, i can't write.

9:27 am
MUSIC: Deep End (Newsboys, Step Up To the Microphone)

she's diving down
gonna make her home now the ocean
she's done with living her life on the ground..
she's sinking down
hands above her held her
nineteen years and now they're letting go
tomorrow will be 'round
and everyone will see no tragedy
it's like it's over
but it's just begun

she's going off the deep end, breaking from the crowd
she's way in over her head, i think she's gonna drown
she's going off the deep end, the search is over now
she's falling into Your hands
it's all or nothing, there's no guessing, she's been lost and found

she's diving down
scars on her elbows, the wind blows
an old song spins around inside
'how sweet the sound'
to be living, and dying
looks like it's over
but it's just begun

to take this step of faith
don't need to be scared
turn worry into wonder
dissolve the fear
she's steppin' out
and you drop the blame
and she speaks the Name above all other names

oh, to be lost and found; her world has turned upside down, her soul restored, with salt like rain, from all of the things that You forgave, and all the times she'd disobey she's diving in the ocean of Your grace.
:'-(