The next 2 months were awful! I had really bad morning sickness. It ended at exactly 12 weeks. After that it was smooth sailing. I enjoyed seeing my belly grow. At about 18 weeks I started feeling the baby kick. She loved kicking my belly button. I started talking and singing to her.
On Sept 29th we had an ultrasound. She was found to be 19 weeks, 3 days gestation. They also told us that we were having a girl. Everything was normal. She was absolutely perfect.
The morning of the 23rd of October I woke up with Lloyd. While we were showering I felt pain in my belly. It felt like gas so I pretty much ignored it. Lloyd left for work and I laid down to watch tv. I was still feeling the pains so I tried to time them. They didn't seem to be coming in regular intervals so I began to think they were false contractions (Braxton Hicks). It was only 7:30 so I told myself I would wait until the Dr's office opened before I called. I still thought there wa sa chance it could just be gas so I tried going to the bathroom. I felt something come out and put my hand down there to see what was going on. I panicked. My baby was sticking out of my body. I could feel her feet. I didn't yell, there was no one home to hear me. I couldn't walk with the baby sticking out of me so I pushed her back in as far as I could. I got up, put my shoes on, and walked next door to Lloyd's parent's house to get his mom to drive me to the hospital.
At the hospital they put the machines on my belly and could tell that I was indeed having contractions. They put in an IV and started medication to stop the labor. They also gave me antibiotics and a steroid to help the baby's lungs develop. They did an ultrasound and found out the baby's legs were sticking out of my cervix and the bag of water was bulging (I could have told them that, I could feel it). I could feel her every movement. It hurt so bad when she kicked. The ultrasound determined that she was 23 weeks, 3 days, just a week under viability. Still too young to live outside the womb. I was determined to keep her inside of me for as long as possilbe. They told me that if she got 4 steroid shots her lungs would be developed enough to live. I could only get 1 shot every 12 hours. I counted down to the next shot at 9 pm.
They moved me to a delivery room around noon. The hours went by slowly. Lloyd's Aunt Wanda came in and we talked a while. We were sure she was going to make it. My contractions were still coming every 5 mintues. They didn't hurt as bad if I laid on my side but they couldn't monitor them that way. so while Wanda and I were chatting I had to stop and let the nurse know I was having so so she could chart them. Wanda left me to rest a while. Around 6pm I started to get sick to my stomach. I asked someone to get me a bucket. I can't remember for sure but I think I threw up before they got one to me. It was the medicine that made me so sick. The medicine that was supposed to stop my contractions and save my daughter ultimately led to her birth and death. At 7 I could feel I was getting sick again. This time I knew that if I did throw up the baby was going to come. I had been feeling her move further and further down over the day, the biggest move when I threw up the first time. I asked for the Dr's to come in. My Dr came over to talk to me. He said that the baby was coming and a couple of hours wasn't going to make any difference in her chance to live. He basically told me it was time to give up. I think hearing that, on top of the medicine, made me sick because it happened just seconds later. I threw up while he was standing there talking to someone (lloyd maybe, I don't remember, I stopped paying attention after what he said to me). I felt the water break and tried to let the Dr know. I was laying on my right side. The baby's Dr lifted up the blankets. He said he could see the baby's feet dangling out of me. My Dr got down there and tried to get me to roll back to my back. I was extremely sick. I was still throwing up. I didn't stop until I felt the nurse's nails digging into my belly. She was trying to push the baby out because her head was stuck. They hadn't given me anything for the pain. I screamed louder than I thought possible while they were pushing and pulling her out. They finally got her out and her Dr started working on her. We had asked for a full resesitation. While my Dr was pulling out my afterbirth and checking to see if I tore, my daughter was dying. They tried to put a tube down her throat to help her breathe but their tubes were all too large. They couldn't do anything for her. They wrapped her up and let us see her. They let Lloyd's mom hold her and took a couple of pictures of her. Then she was taken to the NICU for monitoring. She was born at 7:15pm. Her heart stopped beating at 8:30 but because she couldn't breathe there was no oxygen going to her brain. She was basically brain dead within minutes.
They took me to a postpartum room to recover. I had lost a lot of blood and that medicine had made me feel really bad. I can remember talking with some family on the phone but can't remember what was said. It took an hour or so before I started to come around. Lloyd's whole family came in. The pastors from our church had been called so we were able to have a small prayer service for her and us. Then the pastors left and everyone got to hold her. I loved seeing all the kids hold their first neice.
I thank God everyday that I had a chance to see this child. He made her and gave her to me to hold for a while. I'm lucky to have gotten that chance.
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