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| Chapter 3 - "The Whore" |
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| After a good 15 minute conversation, the time finally came where I had to leave the only person who understood me. I was... home. The one place I dred more than school. I gave Shelby my number, and told her I'd love to talk to her again. (strictly friendship, no guys... no lesbian action) I walk in the front door, throw my books down and ran to my room. I got out my best friend...the thing I like to use when Im upset... to make my day better! MY JOURNAL YOU PERVERTS! lol anyways, I began to write, as usual. "Today I met a girl named shelby, who oddly enough, has a similar problem as I. We are both harrassed by Chris Peters. But hers is far worse than anyone can imagine. Far beyond any popular person's comprehension, which isnt very much to say, Shelby was once... one of Them. Her and Chris had actually dated her freshmen year. Brief though it was, it caused a scar that no one could heal. Chris had pressured Shelby into having sex with him. Shelby being 14 at the time was horrified by this monstrasity. I have come to know why she is called, "The whore. As if it were timed, the second I closed my journal, the phone wrang. You guessed it, it was shelby. She asked me why I had decided to become Pagan. Then I had to go on the long sphiel about how I was raised catholic and I didnt like the fact that a lot of christanity had circular reasoning and didnt have any proof that it was true. And how paganism was the world's oldest religion and the peacefulness and the openness it had. Then I learned that she had gotten into it for all the wrong reasons. She wanted a spell to hurt Chris for what he had done to her. Practicing spells without proper knowledge and experience. Then I had to go along with my other sphiel about how that's a no no... I didnt know how to take her, as a friend or... one of those grand people who just wanna make me hurt them.... in ways that are NOT purdy. We hung up about an hour later and I listened to Linkin Park, the song "By Myself" came on... the lyrics described my very problem. What do I do to ignore them behind me? Do I follow my instincts blindly? Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening? Do I / sit here and try to stand it? Or do I / try to catch them red � handed? Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness? Because I can�t hold on / when I�m stretched so thin I make the right moves but I�m lost within I put on my daily fa�ade but then I just end up getting hurt again By myself [myself] I ask why, but in my mind I find I can�t rely on myself I can�t hold on To what I want when I�m stretched so thin It�s all too much to take in I can�t hold on To anything watching everything spin With thoughts of failure sinking in If I Turn my back I�m defenseless And to go blindly seems senseless If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they�ll Take from me �till everything is gone If I let them go I�ll be outdone But if I try to catch them I�ll be outrun If I�m killed by the questions like a cancer Then I�ll be buried in the silence of the answer [by myself] How do you think / I�ve lost so much I�m so afraid / I�m out of touch How do you expect / I will know what to do When all I know / Is what you tell me to Don�t you know I can�t tell you how to make it go No matter what I do, how hard I try I can�t seem to convince myself why I�m stuck on the outside CHapter 4 |
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