Who gives a shower?
Traditionally a close friend, who is not a relative of the mother-to-be, is the shower giver. Now however it is becoming acceptable for a relative to throw a shower too. It is not appropriate for the mother-to-be to throw her own shower.

Is it okay to have more than 1 shower for the same baby?
Yes, as long as the guest list is different. For instance, a shower may be thrown for the mom-to-be at work by coworkers, another at church and one with her neighborhood friends and family. However, if a guest list is planned appropriately, this overlap doesn't necessarily have to occur. If a guest is to be invited to more than one shower, they should be told that they are not expected to give gifts at each shower.

Can I have a shower for a second, third, etc. child?
Traditionally, the answer was no - only with the first. That no longer applies. You may have a shower for each child, especially if changing from boy to girl or vice-versa. After the first couple of babies, you may want to consider having a theme shower; such as a safety shower, a quilting, a diaper and baby food shower, or a pampered mom shower.

How much money should I spend on a gift?
This depends on what your budget is and what your relationship is with the mom-to-be. You shouldn't put yourself in the poorhouse over any shower gift as there are plenty of creative ideas if your budget is low. Average cost runs anywhere from $10.00 to $50.00. If you are just a casual acquaintance from work you would be on the lower side, a rich close relative would be on the higher side. I have often seen guests pool together to buy something nicer that the mom-to-be needs like a crib, swing, carseat, etc. Be sure you consult the guest of honor on these however, as moms can be pretty particular about what they want for their brand new baby.

What sort of gifts are appropriate for the games?
There are lots of cute reward ideas. You need to decide what your party budget for games is and then shop accordingly. Lotions, keychains, picture frames, stationary, lip gloss, candles, are all appropriate. If you want to spend more, you can prepare little gift baskets. If you are having a team game, you don't need to be so elaborate. You can have lollipops, award certificates, ring pops, or some other little treat.

Some people feel that it is appropriate that all award gifts given at a shower are only given as a token and are then turned over to the guest of honor. This is purely up to the individual who recieves the gift and should not be expected.

Should I invite a friend who has recently lost their child or is infertile?
This, of course, is a matter of concern and needs to be handled very carefully so as not to increase suffering. Some people are fine attending a shower inspite of their circumstances, and others would feel awkward or hurt watching others celebrate what they are missing in their lives. You should not assume that you know how they would feel. This is very touchy because many people feel that infertility is a private issue and do not want to talk about it. If you know this is the case, send the invitation and let the individual decide on their own whether or not to attend. If the individual's grief is obvious or you feel that even receiving an invitation might be painful, you should find an opportunity, in private, to talk with them and ask them if they would feel comfortable attending a shower. You want it to be in person in order to better guage their reaction and to add to the sincerity of your concern for them. You want to be very careful not to overdo your sympathy, however, as many do not want to be made to feel pitied and helpless. Not inviting an individual without consulting with them leads to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. I wish you luck.

When should the shower be held?
A shower is typically held about a month prior to the birth of the baby, however some moms prefer to have the shower after the baby is born to be certain whether it is a boy or a girl or to show off the new baby. Ask the guest of honor which one she prefers. If it is held following the birth, make sure to allow plenty of time for mom to recover and for baby to become stronger (at least a month).

Where should the shower be held?
What kind of shower do you want to host? If you want to host a formal shower, you may want to rent a reception or banquet hall in a hotel. Some people have done showers at a nice restaurant. I have seen them done in church cultural halls. The most common place seems to be in the hostess's home. This tends to provide a more relaxing, intimate setting. The only place where the shower should not be held, is in the guest of honors' home (unless she is bedridden). I have even seen showers given in the hospital when mom is there for an extended stay, NOT for a normal delivery, just be careful not to overwhelm the patient.

When should I send invitations out and when should I have the R.S.V.P.'s by?
Invitations should be received about 2 weeks before the shower. This gives the guests enough time to plan their schedules and purchase a gift, yet is not so distant that guests forget to attend. R.S.V.P. date should be about 1 week prior to the shower. This allows you enough time to plan, serves as a reminder for guests of the upcoming shower, and gives you the chance to call those who have not replied.

Do I have to do games?
No, you don't. Most guests expect games, but if you are uncomfortable with them, or you think your guests may be, there are alternatives. You can meet a restaurant, have a meal catered, do a quilt or project shower, or hire some entertainment. Be creative.

How many games are appropriate?
I have found that three games or activities pretty much fills the time and allows guests the chance to visit some, have refreshments and do presents.

Father-to-Be wants to come. Is this okay?
Today? Absolutely. It used to be a women only event, but now it has become completely acceptable to have a couples shower. You want to invite the other husbands too, so dad doesn't feel singled out. I have even heard of a Dad's-Only shower, hosted at a sports bar or at a barbeque.

What should I do if mom is in the hospital on the day of the shower?
You have three options. If the mom is in the hospital strictly for monitored bedrest, AND the guest list is small, AND the mom feels up to it, you may consider moving it there. DO NOT have the shower at the hospital if mom is there for the birth or if it would hinder her treatment. The best option, if it is possible, is to delay the shower until mom can attend. If this is not possible have the shower in-absentia. Maybe record the shower on video tape and/or cassette tape for mom to watch. Have guests make a book of wishes, thoughts or advice, things they would have told her had she been there. Do not open gifts for the mom. She should be allowed to do that when she is able.

How many people should I invite?
A typical number is about 20. If the shower is formal, you can get away with lager numbers. The smaller the numbers, the more intimate the setting feels.

Whom should I invite?
The mom-to-be should be consulted about the guest list unless it is a surprise shower. If that is the case, the husband, or a close friend or relative should be consulted. You want to make sure to invite everyone that the mother-to-be wants in attendance. Be sure to include friends from work, church, family and neighborhood.

Is it okay to give a surprise shower? How do I make the guest list?
Yes, it can be a lot of fun. Surprise showers should always be held before baby's birth, before mom-to-be feels left out or comes to expect it. Some names you probably know just by association with mom. You always want to consult with your guest of honors' husband or close relative to get additional names. It is sad when a good friend is overlooked and not invited. Have fun!

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