A LOVELY SECTION OF - "THE ARM OF DOOM" (starting eight scenes in to the movie) Written by the lovely Dave Brain FADE IN. EXT. STREET - DAY H.A.S. of Gertrudes street. We see 'Doolgee' running down the street. He stops at Gertrudes house, jumps over the gate and starts to bang frantically on her front door. 'DOOLGEE' (In a panic) Gertrude!!! It's 'Dollgee', open up! 'Doolgee' opens letterbox... 'DOOLGEE' (Shouting) GERTRUDE!!! You b... He realises that it is possible to go round to the back of the house, so he hurries round. We see Gertrude sat on a hammock listening to loud music on her headphones. She is also reading a magazine. 'Doolgee' approaches Gertrude, but she has no idea he's there... 'DOOLGEE' Gertrude, hello? Are you alive??? Hello? He kicks the hammock and Gertrude is flung out of it dramatically. She immediately stands up and grabs 'Doolgee' by the throat. GERTRUDE (Screaming) WHAT THE F... 'Doolgee'? 'DOOLGEE' (Gargling) Ga... Ga... Eurg... 'Doolgee' begins to choke as Gertrude is still strangling him. GERTRUDE Oh, sorry! She loosens her grip... 'DOOLGEE' Thank you! GERTRUDE What are you doing here? You seem all panicky! 'DOOLGEE' (Breathless) Have you heard the news today? GERTRUDE What news? 'DOOLGEE' The news, the TV news... GERTRUDE (Confused) No... 'Doolgee', what's up? 'DOOLGEE' That guy we saw yesterday... GERTRUDE What, Bernard? 'DOOLGEE' No, not Bernard! The grave we saw... GERTRUDE That's not a guy... 'DOOLGEE' Yes I know! I'm just a bit... GERTRUDE A gravestone is not a... 'DOOLGEE' (Angrily) GURTRUDE! LISTEN TO ME!!! GERTRUDE (laughing) I'm listening! 'DOOLGEE' Good! Right, that grave of that murderer guy we saw yesterday... GERTRUDE Yes, the GRAVE... 'DOOLGEE' Yes, er, right... Well it was dug up last night! Somebody dug up the murderer guy! Well, a bit of him... GERTRUDE What? 'DOOLGEE' One of his arms was taken! Somebody dug up his body and stole his arm! GERTRUDE Really... Ha! So??? 'DOOLGEE' Well there were several murders in the village last night, 15 in fact, and all the bodies had their guts ripped out by hand, no weapons. The same way as the murderer guy would have done! GERTRUDE (horrified) What? 'DOOLGEE' I know! GERTRUDE No, what? Sorry I wasn't listening... 'Doolgee' gets frustrated with her and starts to shake her violently! 'DOOLGEE' I'm serious! This happened! I went to check the graveyard, there's police everywhere! GERTRUDE Yeah, so... Some obsessive murderer guy has taken things a bit too far, I would of thought you'd know how that kind of 'obsessiveness' felt. What's wrong with you? Are you scared or something? 'DOOLGEE' Er, no... GERTRUDE You are... 'DOOLGEE' I'm not... GERTRUDE (Smiling) You are... 'DOOLGEE' (Nervously) I'm not... GERTRUDE What are we doing? 'DOOLGEE' I dunno... Beat... GERTRUDE So, what are we doing now? 'DOOLGEE' I dunno, same ol' thing? GERTRUDE Sure! Gertrude gets out her mobile phone. We then cut to a quick shot of Bernard on his bike cycling down street. His phone starts to ring and he answers it. BERNARD Hello? We see Bernard loose control of the bike and he topples over in an amusing fashion... EXT . PARK - DAY We see 'Doolgee' and Gertrude sitting on a park bench which overlooks the city. Bernard enters the shot on his bike... GERTRUDE (Shouting) Bernard!!! BERNARD Oh, HiiiiiaaaAAAGGGHHH!!! As Bernard approaches the park bench he puts on his front brakes and topples over the handlebars. BERNARD (Screaming in pain) OWWW!!! I think I've broken something!!! 'Doolgee' and Gertrude burst in to tears of laughter... 'DOOLGEE' (Laughing) Well done!!! 'Doolgee' turns to Gertrude whilst Bernard gets back on his feet... 'DOOLGEE' He spends his life on that bike and he still hasn't learnt how to use the thing. BERNARD Yeah yeah... 'Doolgee' and Gertrude start laughing again whilst an injured Bernard attempts to stand the bike upright. BERNARD So what??? I might not have the brakes sussed as yet, but I can sure pick up a speed on this bad boy! GERTRUDE (Sarcastic tone) Er, great! BERNARD When it comes to speed I can be one mean mother! 'DOOLGEE' Muppet! Bernard sticks his middle finger up and waves it around in front of 'Doolgee' and Gertrude BERNARD Ahhh, suck on this! GERTRUDE What's that? BERNARD My finger Gertrude cups her ear as if to suggest she can hear something... GERTRUDE No, that??? 'DOOLGEE' Your Ear? Gertrude punches 'Doolgee' square in the face. 'DOOLGEE' (Screaming) OWW!!! 'Doolgee' laughs in disbelief. 'DOOLGEE' Ya bitch!!! I'm gonna have a fat li... GERTRUDE (Angrily) SHUT UP AND LISTEN!!! The trio look towards the city and we hear distant shouting and screaming... BERNARD What's going on? 'DOOLGEE' A riot? GERTRUDE Cool!!! BERNARD Hop on! Bernard gets on his bike, then 'Doolgee' and Gertrude attempt to climb on to the back of it. The bike begins to wobble as Bernard pedals away but he soon gains control. EXT . CITY CENTRE - DAY Low angle shot of a tall building establishing the current location. The camera pans down to reveal a L.S. of the city roads which are full of people rushing around and screaming. Cars are skidding and crashing all over the place. We see several similar shots of the city in chaos to show the scale of the panic, although it is unclear as to what the cause of all this is. Bernard, Gertrude and 'Doolgee' enter the shot. The trio are still on the bike, but 'Doolgee' and Gertrude look extremely uncomfortable. They jump off as Bernard comes to a slow stop. GERTRUDE (amazed) My god! Just look at all this!!! In a V.L.S. the trio are seen standing in front of thousands of screaming people. They are the only people in the whole shot not running around and screaming. The trio are stunned, their mouths wide open... Somebody runs past the three kids and grabs hold of Gertrude... STREET GUY (Shouting) Oi! You've gotta get out of here!!! GERTRUDE (Angrily) Get off me! Gertrude pushes the guy away and he stands back in disbelief. STREET GUY (Confused) You're crazy!!! The guy runs off in to the crowd. 'DOOLGEE' (Sniggering) Get in there Gerty! GERTRUDE Ok, I take it we shouldn't just stand here... BERNARD No kidding! Suddenly the whole crowd start running in one direction, towards 'Doolgee', Bernard and Gertrude! 'DOOLGEE' (Calmly) O.K, we should go now... BERNARD Yeah... So true... 'DOOLGEE' Hmmm... GO THEN!!! 'Doolgee' and Gertrude start running as the crowd approaches them. Bernard starts peddling away on his bike. GERTRUDE (Breathless) Why are we running? 'DOOLGEE' God knows!!! FASTER!!! The crowd slowly begins to part and a car races through, knocking people all over the place. Bodies are flying up in the air as the car hits people. The car screams past 'Doolgee', Gertrude and Bernard, narrowly missing them as they get out the way. Gertrude stumbles and falls over. The crowd start to slow down. GERTRUDE Oww!!! Gertrude is seen holding her arm in pain. STREET WOMAN (Breathless) It's in the car!!! Various people start shouting similar things, and it becomes clear to the trio and the audience that everyone was running away from the car. We see the car shoot down the street, which looks deserted. GERTRUDE Bernard, think you can catch up? BERNARD (Confused) Erm... Yeeaahhh... 'DOOLGEE' (Not realising how serious the situation is) Bernard, go forth and seek! Bernard looks at 'Doolgee' and Gertrude, and an excited smile appears on his face. V.L.S. of Bernard chasing the car in an empty city street. Bernard starts to pick up a steady pace, although the car is getting faster and faster. However, it doesn't take too long for Bernard to catch up. Bernard is now shown to be cycling side by side with the car. BERNARD (Shouting) SLOW DOWN!!! The car begins to swerve from side to side, as if the driver is trying to knock Bernard off of his bike. Bernard swerves his bike towards the car and he punches the drivers side window, smashing it. Bernard then grabs hold of the window to keep his speed. Bernard takes a look at the driver and in an E.C.U. we see that Bernard is completely stunned, for the driver appears to be a severed arm! The arm starts to swerve a bit, to show Bernard and the audience that the arm really is controlling the car. The camera cuts to the pedals under the arm and it appears that a dead body has been pressed up against the accelerator pedal! Bernard is so shocked that he falls from the bike, although he's still hanging from the window. The bike goes under the wheels of the car. Bernard is being pulled along by the car and his legs are being dragged along the floor, but he refuses to give up and let go. BERNARD (In agony) AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!! Ffffff... We see that Bernard has built up enough strength to climb in to the window of the car but only manages to get his top half of his body inside. His legs are poking out of the window. Bernard attempts to pull the arm from the wheel but he is really struggling. Bernard puts one hand on the steering wheel and pulls off the arm with his other hand. Now Bernard has control of the car, which is now in an area of the city which is full of people and cars. The arm starts slapping Bernards face repetitively... BERNARD Oi! Oi! OI!!! Get off!!! OI!!!!! Bernard attempts to throw the arm out of the window but it hits the side and bounces in to the back seat of the car. The arm is wriggling all over the place trying to get back on its fingers! Bernard pulls the dead body off of the accelerator but the car is still moving at an incredible speed. BERNARD (relieved) Ahhhh... YES!!! We then hear a loud noise and a car horn starts blowing. Bernard looks up at the windshield to see an oncoming lorry heading towards the car. BERNARD (Shouting) SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!! The car swerves out the way but not quite enough, the lorry hits Bernards legs and the lower half of his body is ripped off. His legs fly up in the air and land in a nearby skip. Meanwhile, Bernards top half is having its last few seconds of life. Bernard looks up to see the arm propped up on the passenger seat. The arm sticks its middle finger up at him. Bernards eyes roll and he is clearly 100% dead. The car slowly rolls on to the pavement and comes to a stop when it hits a lamp post gently. INT . HOSPITAL WAITING AREA - DAY We see a busy waiting room with casualties everywhere. It is extremely noisy as everyone seems to be crying, screaming in agony or complaining to the reception over a lack of attention to their injuries. A female nurse is standing in front of everyone trying to calm things down... NURSE (Raised voice) Look we're doing all we can but our beds are full! As you may have heard, there has been some sort of large scale attack and every hospital in the area is full so please bare with us! PATIENT (Angrily) Do you realise what we've all been through??? It was horrible! This... hand just started attacking everyone! Gauging out peoples eyes... Ripping out their organs! NURSE (Shouting down a corridor) We've got another 'loony'!!! Some doctors rush in and take the patient away on a stretcher... PATIENT (Worried) No, you don't understand!!! NOOOO!!! The doctors take the patient in to a dark room... The camera pans towards a pay phone in the waiting room and we see 'Doolgee' is trying to make a phone call on it. Gertrude is nearby clutching her bandaged arm. 'Doolgee' puts the phone down and looks worried... 'DOOLGEE' Nope, he's not answering... GERTRUDE Hmm, I wonder what happened to him? I hope he's ok. 'DOOLGEE' Yeah... He might not even have his phone on him. You O.K? GERTRUDE (Sighs...) Yeah, I'll survive 'DOOLGEE' Guess you wont be punching me again in a hurry! GERTRUDE (Laughing) I do have another arm you know! Look... Gertrude punches 'Doolgee' in the shoulder 'DOOLGEE' (As if to say "What was that for?") Owwwwaaa??? GERTRUDE (Giggling) You asked for it! 'DOOLGEE' Right, seeing as though you're more than capable, you can try Bernards mobile again! GERTRUDE Right you are then! Gertrude picks up the phone. In the background we see yet another 'loony' being dragged screaming in to a dark room. Gertrude starts dialling Bernards number. EXT . CITY STREET - DAY We see the car Bernard crashed in being investigated by police and scientists. The area is surrounded by journalists and photographers. We see somebody dressed from head to toe in white picking up Bernards ringing phone and putting it in to a clear plastic bag. Cut to an irritable policeman trying to deal with the press who have turned up. POLICEMAN Step aside please!!! The policeman starts putting up plastic barriers. Some journalists are leaning over pointing mini tape recorders in the Policeman's face. JOURNALIST ONE (Shouting) Can you tell us what happened? POLICEMAN (Calmly) Not as of yet JOURNALIST ONE Do you know what happened? POLICEMAN We're looking in to it. JOURNALIST ONE Can you explain what happened down the road with all those horrific murders? POLICEMAN (Trying to stay calm) Nope. JOURNALIST TWO Eyewitness reports suggest an attack... The policeman ignores them, he just stands and stares at the large collective of journalists. JOURNALIST TWO Is it possible that something non-human could have caused it? POLICEMAN We're looking in to it. JOURNALIST TWO The local zoo haven't reported any escaped animals but could that be a possibility? POLICEMAN We're looking in to it. JOURNALIST THREE Is there any possibility that a human did this? Again, the Policeman ignores them... He steps back to avoid the questions but still watches over the crowd. The crowd starts to expand as ordinary bystanders take a look at the scene of the accident. JOURNALIST THREE Any at all? Beat JOURNALIST THREE (Extremely serious) We've heard people say that this was actually caused by an evil severed human hand actually crawled about and attacked people with it's little fingers, can you comment on this? We hear laughing erupt throughout the crowd of people. OLD GUY IN CROWD (mumbling to himself) The man's a silly silly billy... I bet he's a big bastard. JOURNALIST THREE (He snaps, angrily) Honestly, it's what they're all saying back there! POLICEMAN (trying not to smile) O.K, on your way! More policeman appear and move the barriers back, pushing the crowd away to the sounds of grunts and groans. An old woman is being dragged through the crowd kicking and screaming by two policeman. OLD WOMAN No, I'm not a 'loony'or whatever you called me! I'm telling you the truth!!! A human hand was behind this I tell you!!! A HUMAN HAND!!! The policeman look at the crowd to suggest the woman is mad. M.C.U. of the journalists. Most are grinning at the old woman, but some of them look confused or have a look of realisation on their faces. The scene of the accident is covered over with a huge white tent and the crowd are told to move back even further. FADE OUT.