Film Title: ‘A Bomb Is On A Man’

Characters: ‘Bast McNuster’ = Main Character
‘Chad Sandwich’ = Sidekick / Friend
‘Brian Iron’ = News Reader

Locations: Broadmead, an office place (college), a house, and a cave

Rough Plot Outline: Bast wakes up to the sound of ticking, and mistakenly believes it’s his alarm clock. Clock rings, he destroys it, yet evil ticking remains.
he pokes his head out of bed in
confusion, and suddenly news broadcast comes on. Main story is that of people waking up with bombs
surgically attached to them. According to the broadcast, there is no known way to get rid of it. Bast
rips off duvet, to reveal lots of clocks, various bombs, and a sachet of ketchup. Bast rings Chad
asking for help, and Chad rushes over. He tries to pull the bomb off Bast, but to no avail. They try various ways to cut them off (drills, scissors, biscuit-cutters, etc.), but they’re no use. They decide to go outside so as not to endanger celebrity star Dale Winton© who’s sleeping upstairs. They tie some cotton to the bomb and a car, and try to pull is off by driving, but he just
gets dragged along for a couple of days. They end up in the city, and Chad stops, realising it’s useless.
They realise they can chuck some of
the smaller bombs off, and they kill lots of people, & destroy buildings.
There’s an interesting fight between Chad and Bast, then they resume the panic. They run around screaming for a bit, then Bast decides to commit suicide by running into a nearby office and scanning his face into a computer to get nose cancer© to give him a quick death. Chad’s trying to stop him by whacking his arse with a magazine. Bast decides to stop for a
tea break, and they suddenly realise
he could eat so much that he may be able to stretch off the bomb strap thing with a fat belly. They run outside and force Smarties into him, fattening him. With the last Smartie, they know it’ll work, and after a few seconds it flys off. It lands in a multitude of places, with much horror to be had by Bast and Chad.
Counter’s almost up, and the guys run behind a tree. Suddenly the thing
goes off with a tiny cloud of smoke, and a small flame appears on the bomb. Bast and Chad go “Awwww,
that was close! I love you!” And walk off into the sunset hand-in-hand. Meanwhile, the flame on the bomb ignites a baby’s pram, and it rolls away, into some woods, and a cave.
Bin Laden is sitting in the cave stroking a bomb, and the pram rolls in. Cut to a shot from space of the Earth blowing up, and Basts’s head flies towards the camera, shouting, “Oh poo!” A large bit of the planet flies towards the camera, and just before it hits, it cuts to black, and the credits roll.