ricers

"The Evolution Of Rice"

by Noah Milton South III

Rice is a very important food crop. Rich in carbohydrates, it is no wonder
more than half the people in the world eat it as the main part of their
meals. It is a simple cereal grain that has the unique property of growing
in shallow water.

Although no one knows the exact origin of rice, either it's location or time
of discovery, it has been a staple in the diet of the cultures of Southeast
Asia for thousands of years. Eventually it's use spread outwards to many
countries, even far to the west into North America.

It is here that we find a new type of rice. In the 70's and 80's most import
automobiles from Asia were considered Rice, although now it was no longer an
important part of the noon-day feast. No, now it was a car, that was called
by this nickname because of the vehicle's roots in Asia where the palpable
food is so common. At this time it was carried with it strong undertones of
racism and hate because the sales of these vehicles funneled money out of the
country and consequently affected "The American Working Man." To note,
another lovely name for such vehicles was "Rice Burner."

Twenty years into the future, rice was still being used to describe vehicles
of Asian descent. However it was used less frequently, mostly reserved for
the more gaudy and obnoxious variety. An example of such would be cars with
many stickers displayed on the exterior. Possibly in a stealthy ruse to
induce people to believe that said vehicle actually had all such parts
installed when in reality it was mearly stock with a possible exhaust
modification which simply consisted of an overly expensive and overly loud
coffee container affixed to the exhaust systems exit pipe. Maybe out of more
than coincidence did the owners and drivers of such vehicles happen to be of
Asian decent themselves.

Now, in the birth of the new Millennium, it is no longer just the Asian
sub-culture here in America that breeds these vehicles of wild and vulgar
display. No, these are times of Equal Opportunity. Hip-Hop artists are no
longer all black, women are flying into space, and everyone who wants a
"Ricer" can have "Ricer."

So the next time you see a Civic with a spoiler high enough to clip traffic
signals, or an exhaust note that could be compared to the flatulence of the
common honey bee, just think that it all started with that white grain of
sustenance, Oryza sativa.

-Noah "I feel goofy today" South III

'91 Red, Police Grille, Cincy SHO Glass Cowl Induction Hood, Pro-M 77mm MAF,
SP Motorsports Catless Y-Pipe, Hyperchip, Rod Shifter, Nook's Subframe
Connectors, O.Z. Cignus 16"x7" Wheels, a disturbingly loud stereo system, and
much much more to come (and be transferred).

(dead) '90 Canadian, Green w/Purple Pearl, ASC Moonroof, Police Grille
(broken), UDPs, Eibach Pro Kit Springs, Tokico Gas Struts, Full Tint, Custom
Foglamps (broken), Custom Short Throw, and a Hi Revs JR Clutch.

'93 Lightning, Black,Timing bumped to 15 degrees

GLSHOC President/Member
GLSHOC Homepage: http://www.GLSHOC.org