On the biochemistry of the common Vampi
(order Puella mala, species Pepsodonta gigamamma)

INTRODUCTION
It is well known that vampires suck blood and go up in
flames when exposed to sunlight.[1] Hitherto this was
explained in terms of "magic". This paper appears to
light up the mystery in a more scientific framework.

THEORY
The common liver metabolite of hemoglobine is
bilirubine, which is a potent UV sensibilizer.[2]
This gives rise to the tentative hypothesis that
vampires are working like flowers: they very
efficiently collect sunlight and convert it into
internal energy forms. If the system gets too much
light, it explodes. Clearly only the UV part of
the spectrum causes this as vampires are immune
to candlelight, and further evidence for a
connection with photobiochemistry is their
vulnerability against silver[1], which halides are
photoactive too. (This might also explain why
vampires have no mirror-image[1]: ordinary mirrors
are silvered. Whether vampires might get reflected
e.g. in a water surface is not known. An experiment
is under way.)
About the nature of the light-collecting enzyme 
can be speculated much, but a hint is the dislike of
garlic[1]: the phosphine content[2] must interfere
with the (presumed) iron center of the active site.

An interesting subspecies is the Vampirella,
which is weaker than the normal vampire, but
immune against sunlight. This is due to a
blood replacement which contains St.Johns wort.[3]
The active species of this wort is hypericin,
which is also a sensibilizer.[2]
 
CONCLUSION AND OUTLOOK
We think that the facts we presented are overwhelming
evidence for a connection vampirism - photobiochemistry.
Now some quantitative data is needed. Our next goal
is to conduct a series of UV-response measurements on
Vampirella, as soon as we are able to catch her.
 
REFERENCES
[1] Bram Stoker: Dracula
[2] The Giant Biochemistry Handbook
[3] Vampirella: Morning in America

ILLUSTRATIONS
The UV vulnerability Reprinted from "Vampirella of Drakulon #0", Harris 1996.
The blood metabolism Reprinted from "Vampirella 25th Anniversary Special", Harris 1996.
 
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
We wish to thank the Blood Bank for a gratious loan.

Dung.Comm., received 4/Sep/1996, final version 18/Jul/1999

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