�When you feel it, best to just let �er out.� Wise words spoken by an unknown salesman on late night TV�but an artist of language none the less. And I can attest to the truth of these words (especially after eating a big bowl of cereal covered in 2%...and some of you will get that in a minute). I believe that when one feels inspired, one should drop all else and pursue the feeling. True inspiration is bred of spontaneity, so although it is 10pm and I have to be up at the butt crack of dawn to work overtime tomorrow, inspiration cometh when it willeth�and apparently it willeth now.
So, on the note of inspiration: I thought I had seen the last of the motivational posters that were hung around my high school. They were always so strategically placed. Like on the crowded front stairwell, which took down a good many students long before their prime, there was one that said something about overcoming obstacles in order to achieve success. But the irony was that under the clever saying was an image of a man climbing a staircase. Then there was the science hall that totally won the lame award with an Einstein poster that said, Explore the Knowledge Within. I always had to wonder what idiot was exploring knowledge in the first place, much less without. But I think my favorite will always be the one in the girl�s bathroom: Shoot for the Moon; If You Miss, You�ll Land Among the Stars. Dangerous combination�that poster in such close proximity to toilets�It�s the reason for our school�s bulimia epidemic. I thought that when I graduated into the real world of hard-working adults, such lamety (word?) would be lost. Not so. I walked in to work the first day to find a gigantic red poster that read REMEMBER THE MEMBER�pick up calls on hold. I threw up a little in my mouth. Not a good sign (pun intended). As I scanned the room, I found more inspirational crap such as, TEAM: Together Everyone Achieves More and Get Off the Sidelines; Get in the Game. Yeah, they�re really big on community around there. That must be why we all sit in little cubicles, isolated from the rest of the world. It was a sad realization that lameocity (word?) has infiltrated the whole of existence, yet kind of cool to feel like a lone pioneer. I try to suppress the gag whenever I can and cleanse the environment with some witty banter, but when that fails, there�s always: (those with weak stomachs may want to scroll past this one.)
If picture does not appear, click here: http://motivationposters.com/display.php?design=0227
I hope not too many of you puked on your screen when you saw that man! And what significance does the rainbow have�hmmm�we could go on for hours.
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
A case recently went to court involving a boy whose parents were beating him. The judge ordered that joint custody of the boy be given to UT and the Titans because �they can�t seam to beat anybody.�
RANDOM ACTS OF�INSANITY:
Spreading good cheer across Billings . More accurately: spreading good cookies across the west end (between 32nd and Rheberg; above Grand and below Rimrock). A small area you might say, but a few lucky people were pleasantly surprised one night as they were sitting at home unaware that happy fortune was about to ring the doorbell. By the way, Sam and I were happy fortune. And let�s not forget about April�the fearless driver of happy fortune�s get-away car. The three of us decided to bake cookies one night to distribute randomly around the neighborhood. As always, our excuse to get together and act like kids turned into way too much of an adventure. Here�s how it went: Sam and I alternated putting cookies on a doorstep, ringing the doorbell, running as fast as we could, diving into the van, yelling, �Go go go!� and laughing as we drove away. The last few steps weren�t included in the original plan, but that�s what ended up happening anyway. There was really no reason for us to speed away, tires squealing, with our legs half-way in, but for some reason it seemed necessary at the time. You�d be surprised how much of a frenzy you can work yourself into if you try. The best part, of course, was looking back at the people coming to the door with angry expressions ready to shake their fists at those hooligan children, and seeing their faces change when they saw the freshly baked, maybe-anthrax-infested, homemade cookies on their front porch. Also, yelling in frustration at the people who didn�t look down and walked back inside still angry was fun too. Sam and April�s favorite part was when I walked up to a house, accidentally met with the man of the house, stared straight into his eyes, and walked away without saying anything�still holding the cookies. That man is probably still confused, as am I. Our hope was that this random act of kindness would be so touching that it would inspire each of these people to pass it on. But by the end of the night the subject had turned to placing bets on how many of those people would actually eat the cookies. I said that if someone had left cookies on my porch in Nashville , you couldn�t have paid me to eat those things.
QUOTE CORNER:
�Those Chinese people really take advantage of those benches.� �Brandon B.
�They�re not people; they�re family!� �Mr. Yeley
CONVERSATIONs OF THE MONTH:
� Brittany , ask me what I had for dinner.�
�What did you have for dinner?�
�Beer!�
�It probably has something to do with the Puritans��
�Don�t ever say it had to do with the Puritans.�
�Don�t ever say something had to do with them? Or the word �Puritans�?�
�The word. No, I�m just kidding.�
�Okay.�
��but really it does make me uncomfortable.�
�My mom is insane�the woman collects pennies!�
�Well, you know that saying��
�What saying?�
�Pick up a penny, and years later you�ll be rich�well, I can�t really remember it.�
DEEP THOUGHTS:
If there�s one question I�m constantly being asked, it�s this: �How do you do it?� To which I always reply, �Do what?��because I�m not really sure what they�re asking.
Just because swans mate for life, I don't think it�s that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?
