Just so the brain freeze doesn't take complete control, I thought I'd give you a little grammar review.
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
A young man was going to his girlfriend's house to pick her up. When he arrived, her dad answered the door and invited the young man to sit down. They both sat down in the living room, and her dad didn't say a
word. He just started petting the dog Fluffy. The young man began feeling extremely nervous in front of her dad. On top of that, he was having some gas problems. He suddenly needed to fart very badly. He
finally just let one rip, and the dad yelled, "Man, Fluffy!" The young man was relieved that the dad thought it was the dog. After a few more minutes, he had to let another one rip. Again, the dad said,
"Man, Fluffy!" Five more minutes passed, and they were still sitting there. The young man needed to fart again, so he did, very loudly. The dad stood up and screamed, "Man, Fluffy! We better get out of here
before this guy poops his pants!"
QUOTE CORNER:
"I've never had a bad donut." -Andy G.
"Can you put that into a one-word phrase?" -Mitch G.
"I don't need a compass to know which way the wind shines." -Mr. Furious
DEEP THOUGHTS:
I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor.
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with!
WORDS FROM THE WISE:
Experience teaches the best lessons, which is why I'm using my own experiences (and maybe sacrificing my dignity in the process) to teach you vital lessons, which really have to do with nothing buy might save
your life. The other day I was driving up 27th Street with all of my windows down. Now, I forgot that I had a stack of newspapers in my back seat. If you've ever left papers in the back seat of your car with the windows down, you know what I'm about to say. Yes, the papers flew up and started spinning in a sort of whirlwind thing. By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late. I began frantically
rolling up the back windows (and swerving on and off the road while doing it) in an effort to stop the papers from flying out. Needless to say I didn't get them up in time, and about 50 newspapers went flying
out the window (okay, maybe not 50 but a lot!) So, the moral of the story should be an easy one. Don't be stupid you say? Something like that!
THE DATING GAME:
We had some friends staying at our house, and I asked them (and my sister) three questions about dating. I wrote down their responses, and here they are for your enjoyment.
Question #1: What are your overall thoughts on dating?
Kim: "I think dating is a great way to find the person you are going to marry."
Blake: "Well, I don't really approve of that kind of Buddhism, but I think it's a great way to get impregnated."
Kelly: "Kim is a dork for going out with her boyfriend."
Question #2: What advice would you give to teenagers about dating?
Kim: "Know your standards before you start [dating]. Know how far is too far before you get to that place."
Blake: "No sexual contact in front of their parents."
Kelly: "Don't act like a goat or you wont get a boyfriend. This advice is directed toward Blake."
Question #3: What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you on a date?
Kim: "My boyfriend came over to go swimming. I didn't know he had gotten there yet, and I was changing in the closed part of the bathroom. He was changing in the open part, and I walked out and saw
him just as he was about to take off his boxers."
Blake: "His dog started humping my leg."
Kelly: "I don't date yet! Stop harassing me!!"
MY SISTER THE RETARD:
Blake finds it amusing to make loud and obnoxious noises and see how people react. It actually is quite funny as long as you are not standing near enough that people think you know her. Anyway, one particular time at Big Splash, she was making goat noises at
little children walking up the stairs. (If you haven't already heard this goat noise, I'm sure you will. She does it quite frequently.) A few of them stared, a few of them cried, most of them ignored her, and all of them walked a little faster! This didn't seem to stop her, however. She just stood at the top of the tower bleating away at the top of her lungs. One time she even got so distracted that she ran into a pot-bellied man while making the goat noise! Way to go, Blake!
YOURS:
10 Ways to Say Someone is Dumb
1. A few fries short of a Happy Meal
2. The wheel�s spinning, but the hamster�s dead
3. One taco short of a combination plate
4. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel
5. Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt
6. He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
7. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
8. Elevator doesn�t go all the way to the top floor
9. Skylight leaks a little
10. Big like ox, small like tractor
-submitted by Jessica T.
SIGN OFF:
-brit
