Ok, considering your at this site I’m assuming you speak modern English or at least understand it. But my question to you is, do you speak, or even understand for that matter, old English? That’s right, I’m talking about some of the old “classic” Shakespeare literature. One-hundred percent raw and uncensored English. These days, whenever you hear “One-hundered percent raw and uncensored” you’re usually either surfing the net for porn or studying up on how to be a video editor for MTV. But nonetheless, we will introduce today, old English. Let’s start by taking a look at an excerpt from one of Shakespeare’s finest works:
Godspeed: “Farethewell”
Hogwarth: “Who isist thee?”
Godspeed: “I am thee, for whomst thou seekest”
Hogwarth: “I seeith thee. How art thou beist?”
Godspeed: “Goodith. Now shall we doth?”
Hogwarth: “How must thou doth?”
Godspeed: “Thusly”
Now in this scene, taken from the play “Hampton,” we witness some characters dothing, which was something commonly done back in the day. You see, Mr. Godspeed, who’s name is derived from the every day words “Godspe” and “ed,” is meeting Hogwarth. To further explain this scene, let’s skip 72 pages to the point where the two men have finished introducing themselves and two young sluts, or “women” as they were referred to in those days, have entered the scene.
| Godspeed: |
“Henceforth” |
| Hogwarth: |
“Goody badwife and goody proctor and gamble have thusly accompanied us” |
| Goody badwife: |
“Farthewell” |
| Goody proctor and gamble: |
“Fartheist beith well, doth thou beist?” |
| Godspeed: |
“Thou indeed beist thusly” |
As if it isn’t obvious, they are once again talking about dothing. Let’s continue…
| Hogwarth: |
“The clock is yet dothing to chimest” |
| (The clock chimes) |
|
| Godspeed: |
“Nay, thee layest upon thy tawny buckles of Goody badwife’s breast” |
| Goody proctor and gamble: |
“Thou breast must be bellowed mildly, shalt thou not wishest to err” |
Before we go on, let me get you up to speed by quickly converting the first 83 pages of this play to modern English:
Bob: “What’s up?”
Dan: “Not much. That your bitch?”
Bob: “Yeah”
Bitch #1: “My tits are bigger than yours”
Bitch #2: “Blow me”
Ok, now back to the old English:
| Hogwarth: |
“Perchance has thouest, dearest Goody Badwife, a falsehood beingneth seed of Father Godspeed insidith thouest pussiestithiest?” |
| Goody Badwife: |
“Yet” |
Fuck this shit, I’m out…
- Evan