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| Sea Monkeys: |
| 40 years of lies, animal abuse and fraud! |
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| As we take time now and again to take a look at what our culture has achieved since that first caveman has picked up that stone and began carving it, we usually look at, for instance, our great achievements in mathematics and sciences. Our great economy and all the technology that we have created during the past few thousand years. But something sticks out like a bad torn in all of our achievment of the human race so far.......seamonkeys. |
| Ok, maybe im exadurating just a bit, but come on whose idea was it so stick little planton in a glass of water and sell it! I mean, come on thats a pretty stupid idea, but look what happened...it turned into a million dollar industry over the past 40 years and is still ticking to this day. I mean, when you reallly get down to it, thats more money then most fucking third world countries!... |
| Ok, ok..so americans well buy anything right, not so...beacause when sea-monkeys first came out and the idea to first market this new franaise was conceived was perhaps the dumbest idea in world history. I mean i say this again, whose going to buy eggs that well one day become little micoscopic shrimp that all day long float around doing nothing. The answer to that, no one... yet the genius of sea-monkeys and the success came from one thing, the marketing. |
| Now i dont know about you, but when i was around 8 years old that was the one thing that was in the damn toy section at target I always wanted. I mean, look at the packages doesnt it look nice to you, all these little guys on it, having fun, playing, building houses on their own, waving, smiling... i mean come on! what the fuck kind of expectations do you expect a kid at 8 years old to go by. Look at those cute little faces, oh man..they look so friendly, it was like buying your own little world with little aliens that swim around and laugh and play! All because of marketing, and believe me, it worked |
| It worked on me so well that when I was around 10 or so, I finally got one. Hey how long can you lissen to a determined kid till the parents finally break...well it took me 2 years. Anyhow, I finally got my Sea-Monkeys, and you know when you open the box you expect them to just jump out and shake fucking hands with you, ohhh...yeah...but no, you actually have to wait for the little shrimp to grow up, Shrimp grow up huh, well hatch is a better word for that, yeah..hatch. So my sea-monkeys finally hatched..and they were floating......and floating....and floating....and I came back around an hour later, and they were still floating. Thats all they did was float. Big disappointment to say the least I mean, shouldnt the word "monkey" like at least make them seem like they should throw their fucking shit at you or something...To say the least my sea-monkey collection lasted me around 2 months, then I threw them down the sink..I didnt feel much pity, only anger. |
| But let me express my new reasearch on the killing machine known as sea-monkeys...you see it wassent enough that they had to stay in a little 6 by 6 inch water cage with plastic castle inside, oh nooo....it had to be more, now they have pen-quarium, which is basicly a pen with a small tube inside, on the instuction book says you can place up to 4 sea-monkeys in and bring it to school or work..and write with them inside, Also new is the watch, same deal, only 2 sea-monkeys can fit inside this one...But the worse creation is the speedway challenge, where you stick two sea monkeys on opposite sides and make them battle it out using water current to see which is the better swimmer...can you say TORTURE |
| So, i rest my case on this killing machine turned for human amuzment, i hope you will take this with much consiteration next time you see a sea-monkeys box....because remember seamonkeys are not real monkeys! |
| -JACKASS |