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| When keychains go too far... |
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| Sometime last week, when I obviously had more free time than usual, I sat in front of my computer, on AIM, for 3 hours before anyone I knew came online... pathetic, I know, |
| but my buddy list on has 15 people on it... and myself, so I can read my profile from everyone else's POV. But enough about my loserly life. I sat there and I think I looked at porn most of the time... I mean... I looked at a blank screen. Yeah... anyway. I get alerted, because I was desperate to talk to someone... anyone, so I put alerts on everyone. It's my 'most awesomest' friend Lana. She deemed herself that... I just agreed with her. She brought up her shitting keychains, the thought seemingly struck noth of us at the same time. Who the hell came up with these and what possible purpose do they have? Did someone try to make the shit as real as possible... when you think about that it's kind of disgusting. Lana has all her favorite animals. The horse, who has some pencil lead from her backpack stuck in its shit, the dog, who has a really scary smile... why does he smile when he shits? Do you smile when you shit? It's not a nice thing to think about... She also has the elephant. First of all, the elepahnt is purple... how unrealistic. Things that have shit sticking out of their asses should be realistic! Didn't they try to make the shit realistic? Secondly, the nose was cheap. Some kid broke the nose of the elephant and from than on it didn't work properly... wanna know why? Well... don't let this scare you... it doesn't happen in real life... I don't think, but... the elephants shit starting coming out of it's nose instead of its ass. DON'T WORRY! I don't think this happens... just... try not to break your nose. Better safe than sorry. |
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| He doesn't look purple... but Lana's is... and now it has a band aid wrapped around it's trunk thanks to some punk ass kid who thinks he is cool. But still... cruelty to animals! Or is that just for any guy that dates a certain girl I know? |
| Anyway... Lana thought it would be funny for me to write an article... and when I have free time (which is always) I like to work on stuff online. This is the part where you scream and agonize. You see... the animals were a cute idea, animals do shit... it's natural, right? Have you ever considered a starfish an animal? NO! Why would you? It doesn't have EYES! do you think they shit? Well... obviously one high profile band does WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING |
| The picture you see next may scar you for life, cause you to puke on your keyboard or send you to countless therapy sessions... The writers on this webpage are in no way responsible for your actions... thank you. |
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| Now that is where it goes to far... crustations? What the fuck? I don't even want to know how this one was thought up... it was cause me great pain and a very large headache... I'm already hurting. When Limp Bizkit sold out, I can admit, I wasn't surprised... those boys had a plan, and look where they are now. They could care less. So we have all learned a lesson today... 1.) after becoming millionaires, why worry about selling out? You have everything and 2.) name your album something retarded and you too can make a shitting kleychain... so in the end, it all works out for the greater good. |
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