| Exposing the Green Lantern ...and Coleman camping gear --Rachel |
| Hey there kiddies. Time now for a little word association. I say "Superhero", you say "Batman". I say "Green Lantern", you say...shit man, what do you say? Superhero? Sorry excuse? Camping accessory? Well today we'll look into all these things. |
| Now, supposedly the Green Lantern is THE greatest superhero. He's got this ring, right? He can do anything with it. If you ask me, that's CHEATING. A good super hero uses his cunning wit to get out of a jam. he doesn't just immediately resort to some pansy ring. Also, there's more than one Green Lantern. They all patrol sectors of the universe. My two cents:...well that's just dumb. What makes Superman special is that there's just one Superman. What are the Guardians trying to tell us by having multiple Green Lanterns? That one is not powerful enough to protect the universe? THAT'S reassuring. Which brings me to my next point-- |
| I DO NOT FEEL SAFE WHEN MY PLANET'S PROTECTOR IS NAMED GREEN LANTERN. I mean seriously...green lantern is about as threatening as my four function calculator. Let's say you're a villain, Green Lantern is Green Lantern, and I'm an inncoent citizen. A predicament occurs. You've kidnapped the world's leaders and are going to blow up the world. And Green Lantern is going to save us. Shit man, at that point I'd just go pick out a nice outfit to die in. The world's got no chances when our savior is named Green Lantern. But on the other hand, maybe all the Green Lantern's powers are compensation for his dumbass name. Although that too, is cheating. My friend's name is Seven. What doe she get? Six buck an hour as a hostess at Chilis. My point is, Green Lantern is just all the way around in no way realistic, and therefore, just not helpful. |
| But here's something that is helpful: COLEMAN CAMPING GEAR--makers of the only green lantern you'll ever need. Usually available for under $40, they project light beams to help you see over a distance of twenty plus feet. Too rainy for a campfire? Park one of these babies in the middle of a circle and you're set. |
| Final analysis: We can't rely on superheroes. The only hope the world has is a little company that has saved me in the woods so many times...COLEMAN!! |
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