Evan's Toilet Paper Review Page
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| Evan's Toilet Paper Review Page |
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PRODUCT
Description and review
Probably the most popular brand known to man, woman and other intelligent animals that use toilet paper, Charmin turns out to be just an "ordinary roll of TP". While it's roll seems to have a good amount of TP on it and is quite soft, it just doesn't seem to have that old fashioned cushy feeling that some of its competitors deliver. Not to say that it's bad... oh no, it is a very comforting roll that's good for the whole family, I'm just saying that it's no revolutionary product. However, I have the feeling that softness and length of roll are not what Charmin is striving for these days. I think they've come to realize the fact that accessories and options are what keep their users comin' back for more. Charmin has by far the most product options out of all TP brands. I mean, just look at all the luxurious packages they offer for all you "bulk buyers":
|    As if these eye-catching packages weren't enough, Charmin has also come out with a number of add-ons and upgrades to go with the family bathroom. Take for example, my personal favorite, the Charmin potty:  While Charmin has a genius working in thier marketing department, their research scientists are just average. I would recommend Charmin to you only if the higher-rated competing brands aren't available in your area.
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Scott, while having the best web site I've ever seen for a company that makes products that get flushed down the crapper, again turns out to be just the average toilet paper. Average length per roll, average softness, average everything... it's just not that special. While they may boast that it's "soft enough to sleep on," as their picture to the left implies, the only thing that these rolls would be good for besides their default purpose are shown below:
|    So all-in-all, there's no real need to buy this brand... unless it's on sale.
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Well, I must admit that I was quite excited when it came time to test the brand that has a reputation for being the world's softest brand of TP around. I'll tell you right now... it definitely lives up to its name. Never in my life had I experienced such a soft, invigorating blend of cotton and paper in one unique roll. Angelsoft's patented formula soothes your backside while wiping away bacteria and mold. Your whole lower body will feel relaxed and relieved after using Angelsoft. And you see that little "baby" on the front? That's actually not a baby... he's a 30-year old genius named Irvan who works for the Lawrence Livermore Laboratory and he's the one that came up with the idea to make the TP both soft and effective at the exact same time. Thanks to guys like him we get brands like Anglesoft, which is a work of art and definitely deserves this year's "Shitter's Choice" award. | 
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Some of you may be saying "Marcal, wow I've never heard of that brand before"... and let me tell you, you're lucky. This brand is shit. I've seen some shit, but this is the shittiest shit that ever was shit on to the planet so it could wipe up more shit. You'd be better off just wiping your ass with a sheet of sand paper. Unless you want to be walking funny for the rest of the day, stay away from this uncomfortable brand.
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Cottonelle fails to live up to even the average competing brands of TP. I'm sorry to say that this brand is soon to be on the brink of exstinktion because of its lack of comfortable rolls and a severe shortage of accessories and options. While it's not as bad as the Satanistic Marcal roll, this roll really leaves its users in a rather up-tight state. I just couldn't find any relief in using a roll that has an imbalanced formula of cotton and some wierd kind of soap or something that they put in there. I mean, what the hell is a "rollwipe"!? Their trying to mix baby wipes with toilet paper or some shit like that and it just leaves your ass soggy and uncomfortable because of the hardness of the wipes. This is a perfect example of how combining two products into one can result in a disasster and let me tell you, dis ass don't want none of this brand.
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