Simon

Over the past couple of weeks, I must admit, I have made a new friend. Simon Seville, adopted son of Dave Seville and brother to Alvin and Theodore, 1/3 of the pop cover group known as 'The Chipmunks'. Quite an impressive resume I'm sure. He is the cute one, in the blue oversized sweatshirt/dress, wearing the glasses? See him on the left? Yea! Anyways, it started in Math class last Thrusday, he came in with my friend Heather. I must admit, the fact that he had three girls following him did impress me. What a pimp! The amazing thing was he came and sat next to me... I almost died. He asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him some time or something. I sighed. I have to apologize now to my boyfriend, I really wanted to go out with Simon... but I have

a boyfriend. Simon understood... after trying to convince me about 10 more times. He was angry... in fact I think he sent Sam some hate mail, but he became my friend... and only my friend... after this.
It was great to hang around with him, but eventually I started to notice something. He seemed lonely. I asked him what was the matter... it was about this girl. Simon Seville having trouble with girls? No way! I jumped on the topic. Turns out the smartest girl in school... she won the science fair last semester... wouldn't go out with him. He was bumming around for 3 days before I came up with a solution.
Simon was at my house on Tuesday, he sprawled out on the floor and sighed while staring at my blank ceiling. I couldn't help but laugh at him. This girl must've gotten to him more than I had expected. Now was the time to spill my plan! Simon would have to listen up... it's almost like a 10 step program thingy.

1.) He had to stop wearing that riduculous oversized sweatshirt/ dress. There is something seriously wrong with doing that. It's disturbing.

2.) He had to go through puberty... this is a hard one to force. Since Simon is a super genius though, he found away to at least make his voice deeper, which was all I really asked.

3.) He had to buy some dentures... having only your two front teeth is a little disgusting. I don't care if you atre an overshized chipmunk, if you are going to live in our society get some teeth or move to Kentucky.

4.) He had to stop looking at other girls, especially human girls. Have you ever thought about that? Until Jeanette came along Simon was hitting on human chicks... a two foot tall mutant chipmunk looking for love in all the wrong places... ew. Just... ew.

5.) He had to use his brain more often. Trust me, as smart as he is he does the stupidest things. The dumb ass never ties his shoes either... but it makes for a good laugh every once in awhile.

6.) GROW! (Simon got mad at me after I said this... I added it anyway.)

Simon was a little uneasy about leaving his favortie oversized sweatshirt/ dress thingy, but to get the girl of his dreams, which I would tell he was desperate for, he would at least try anything. Going through puberty seemed a little hard. Sure, he was a super genius but that was one thing he continueally had trouble with. The changing point was when he realized that Jeanette's voice was at least higher pitched than his own, that was good enough for now. Since Jeanette herself was a chipmunk (much to my relief, you have no idea how much the 'mutant chipmunk dating a human chick' thing was getting to me), Simon fouund it easy to just live with his lack for a full mouth of teeth. Whatever gets the ladies, ya know? The oart about looking at other girls was gard for Simon at first, until I gave him a stern talking to (and slapped him a couple of times after catching him looking at Miss Miller's ass, how dirty!) He impressed Jeanette by

telling her of the many academic awards he was renowned for, his first place in the science fair last year, being student council president, and the head of the physics club. Jeanette liked the physics club one the best. How knew? Since grow was on my list of things for Simon to do, he at least tried on a apir of platform shoes. I urged him not to buy them... there was no need for another spice girl. Simon landed Jeanette and soon went back to the pversized sweatshirt/ dress, some people can't resist.

As you can see to your left everything turned out pretty ok, Simon got his dream girl and even hooked up his two brothers with some of his sloppy seconds. Theodore and Alvin didn't mind all that much.