| October 24, 2000 Hello everyone! Yes, I know, I still need to write about the earthquake, and I have gotten many many many messages asking about it. Please be patient. It took me about a year to get the right words together about Hurricane Fran, and even then I don�ft think that they were the right ones, really. I`ll get it together here soon. The power of nature really boggles the mind, and mine is boggled enough to begin with. Well, this morning, it happened. I have been dreading it, and have been in denial about it for awhile, but today, it happened. I had to ask Jessica to sit on the bed so I could put her hair in pigtails. She is officially too tall for me to do it while she is standing. For the last few weeks, I have been stretching my spine and craning my neck to see the top of her head when doing pigtails, telling myself that it was just some crazy phase she was going through. I was wrong, so very wrong. So for those weeks at the threshold for her, I said nothing. I only thought about how all the years of only needing a brush or a comb would soon be over, and that then I would require a ladder to fix her hair. The moment came too soon for me this morning, despite that warning that her vertical increases had screamed to me. She looked as perplexed as I did for a moment after I told her to park herself on the bed. I have to admit that I am guilty of being a little stubborn at times, and having her sit really helped us both. For me it was easier to see, so the result for her was that the pigtails were more aesthetically pleasing. (Sigh�c) Yesterday, I had the opportunity to make a couple of calls home during a decent-enough hour to have a conversation! It was really nice. I was told the funniest story, and I just have to share it with you because it is concrete evidence of truth being stranger than fiction. Hold on, here goes: (This story is not a joke?nor is this an urban legend-type thing. I know a couple who had dinner with them.) An 80-year-old farmer and his wife have a few chickens on their farm. Awhile back, chickens started disappearing, and the man had figured out that some lowlife was hiding in the bushes, shooting a chicken and then running off with the carcass. So he lays in wait for this chicken thief. He gets his moment. The lowlife thief shoots a chicken, but before he can get to it, the farmer snatched it up and then proceeded to beat the living daylights out of him with the chicken body. Imagine now, an 80-year-old man beating a younger man with a chicken carcass. He beats the thief unconscious and then makes his way (slowly, he is 80 years old) to the farmhouse to call the cops. By the time the cops show and they get out to the field, the thief is gone, but they catch up with him later. You see, he had to go to the emergency room for his injuries. There were many bumps, bruises and beak scratches that he suffered. Would you believe that the thief wouldn`t tell anybody at the hospital what had happened to him? (I wouldn`t either. Just how would you explain that? �gWhat? You were accosted by an octagenarian weilding a chicken carcass?�h) The thief didn`t press assault charges, he just wanted his bill at the hospital paid for, and when they questioned the farmer about what possessed him to take on an armed man and beat him with a chicken, the farmer explained that it was a trick he learned from his daddy, that when one of the dogs killed a chicken, that you were supposed to pick up the chicken and beat the dog with it. �gAfter you do that, they pretty much leave all the other chickens alone,�h he said. When I heard that story, I laughed until I cried. I told you. Truth is stranger than fiction sometimes. In keeping with strangeness, I wanted to share with you something that Jennifer Reed sent to me. When I read the entirety of the list, it just held me spellbound, because I think maybe somebody was talking about me and my friends when they compiled this list. All of us stuck here in the middle can appreciate it! Enjoy! *****I did not write the following list, my letter will pick up at the end of the list.***** YOU'RE LOST BETWEEN "BABY BOOMER" AND "GENERATION X" IF... You remember when Jordache jeans and a flat-handle comb in the back pocket was cool. Any photograph of you shows you wearing an Izod shirt with the collar turned up. You know any "Weird Al" Yankovic songs by heart. You've ever rung someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!" You were once bowled over by the technological excellence of such products as Atari, IntelliVision, TelStar and Coleco. You remember the premier of MTV-or worse yet, you remember its predecessor, "Friday Night Videos." You and your friends ever discussed having a reunion at the end of the century and playing Prince's "1999" until you passed out partying. A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid. You remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really was alternative, and when "alternative comedy" was really funny. You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the minivan. (-OR-)You rode in the back of the stationwagon facing the cars behind you. You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases: "You know, back when...," "When I was your age...," or "When I was younger..." Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you learned things like grammar, math and history. (A big hint here is if the only way you can recite the Preamble to the Constitution is by singing it.) You ever dressed to look like someone in a Madonna, Cyndi Lauper or Duran Duran video. You remember your first kiss with someone having happened while either "Leather and Lace" or "Crazy for You" was playing. You remember with pain the day the Green Machine hit the streets (or the sidewalks), instantly making your Big Wheel obsolete. The age-old question "Where's the beef?" still makes you laugh. You remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly have more advanced special effects than "TRON." You had a crush on Ted the photographer on "Love Boat," Gage from "Emergency," or Ponch from "CHIPS." Your hair at some point in time in the '80s could only be described by saying "I was experimenting." You've ever shopped at Benetton. You're starting to believe that having the kids in school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. You're currently employed doing something that has absolutely nothing to do with your college major. You remember trying to guess which episode of "The Brady Bunch" it was by the first scene. You had a front-row seat (i.e., blew off one or more classes) for Luke and Laura's wedding on "GH." You know who shot J.R. You recall when Love's Baby Soft was in every girl's Christmas stocking. This rings a bell: "My name is Charlie, and they work for me."! You were unsure if Diet Coke would ever catch on. (Related item: you were sure that "New Coke" would NEVER catch on.) You know all the words to the double-album set of the "Grease" soundtrack. You've ever had a Dorothy Hamill haircut. You sat with your friends on any given Friday night circa 1982 and dialed 867-5309 to see if Jenny was actually there. "All skate, change directions" means something to you. You've ever owned a pair of rainbow suspenders like the ones Mork used to wear. You bought a pair of Vans and wanted to order a pizza in history class so you could be just like Jeff Spicolli. (Related item: if you've ever smacked yourself in the head with a shoe and exclaimed,"I'm so wasted!" You owned a Preppy Handbook. You were too young to see "Blue Lagoon," so you just had to settle for the second-hand reports. You remember when movies were only PG and R. You learned to swim at about the same time "Jaws" came out....and still carry the emotional scars to prove it. You remember when your cable TV box had a sliding selector switch and your "cable remote" was connected to the TV by a CORD! Your jaw would ache by the time you finished one of those brick-sized packages of Bazooka! You remember Bo and Luke Duke, Daisy, Boss Hogg, or-worst of all- what Sheriff Roscoe's full name was. Your parents paid $2,000 for a top-loading VCR that was almost the size of a coffee table. You found nothing strange about Bert and Ernie living together. You remember having a rotary phone. You actually believed that Mikey, famed kid on the Life cereal commercials, died after eating Pop Rocks and drinking a Coke. "Members Only" jackets...say no more. And lastly, I'll make a song stick in your head for the rest of the day: ....you actually remember the words to the theme song from �gThe Greatest American Hero.�h (BELIEVE IT OR NOT IIIIII`M WALKING ON AIR. I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD FEEL SO FREE EEE EEEE�c) *****Now we return to the regularly-scheduled letter already in progress***** You see what I mean? This was a great list. I just had to share it. One thing that really kills me is hearing all my favorites on the oldies station, or seeing them lumped together in VINTAGE COLLECTIONS. Would love to know who wrote this list so that I can thank them for the trip down memory lane. However, I couldn`t imagine a list like this NOT mentioning anything about Michael Jackson or banana clips or friendship pins on shoelaces or the introduction of frozen yogurt. I mean, come on. So tell me your favorite �gchildren of the seventies�h stories, or those that you can remember. (You don`t have to tell me about too many drugs in the sixties�c) No politics, please. I will compile your stories and put them in a letter for future reading! Email them to me at [email protected] Or, you know what? Scratch just child-o-the-70s stuff. Give me your fave childhood stories, complete with the pop iconography and I will do it for everybody. It would make a really fun link on the page. Okay. I am closing this letter for now. Must go teach in a few. Please write. I miss everyone lots! Love from all to all, Lynley P.S. As an English teacher, I have a DAILY opportunity to explain various meanings (usually slang) within our language. Today`s lesson was on the words DROP and DRAG because that`s what you do when building a webpage using many of the pagebuilding software packages. Literally, you are dragging an icon or a text box onto the page and dropping it in place. Sounds like it is literal, yes? Well, it a`int that easy when you have to explain all the various meanings and connotations of simple words in English. Wow, is English difficult! Think about it this way with regards to American Pop Culture. In 1920, since you couldn`t watch TV yet, you might want to DRAG a blanket over to the chair and enjoy listening to the rain DROP on the roof. In 1940, you could take a long DRAG on a cigarette and then DROP it on the ground. In 1960, you could DRAG race and DROP your date. In 1980, could be a DRAG queen and DROP some acid. In 2000, we DRAG icons and DROP them on webpages. What a difference a generation makes in language, huh? Think about it. |