A wife, one evening, drew her husband's
attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted
they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do
that?"
"I would love to," replied the
husband, "but I don't know her well enough."
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the
door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the
pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."
Immediately the husband drove downtown to
confront the phamacist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a few words,
the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of
it...
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so
I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car,
just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I
had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a
speeding ticket.
Later, about three blocks from the store, I
had a flat tire. When I got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting
for me to open up. I opened and started waiting on these people, and all the
time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."
He continued, "Then I had to break a
roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they
spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the
nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the
open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with bunch of perfume
bottles on it...all of them hit the floor and broke.
Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with
no let up, and I finally got to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know
how to use a rectal thermometer...and, honest mister, all I did was tell her:
stick it up your a&^$&$^
!"
A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on
the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he
wanted video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a
video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than
professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man!
He saw the two of them laughing in the park.
He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe.
He saw them dancing in a dimly lit
nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with
utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," the
distraught husband said.
The detective said, "What's not to
believe? It's right up there on the screen!"
The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"