A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some vegetables in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

 

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter, "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

 

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "You won't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

 

The prisoner wrote another letter: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the vegetables."

 

 

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, put the cat out, and everything.  The taxi arrived, and as the couple left, the cat shot back in.  They didn't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife went out to the taxi while the husband went upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

 

A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he said. "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"