Finally I get on the plane. But up until the point when I hugged my teary-eyed mother goodbye, it didn't feel real. Everything was as I had rehearsed those many times in my mind: brief hugs, words of encouragement and love, waving hands, tears. Yet, something was missing -- surprisingly, I remained relatively dry-eyed.

I thought I would cry. But I didn't. Until I got onto the plane. Walking alone to my boarding gate, I suddenly felt very lonely. Finally, it felt real. That's it. The last time I'll see my family for the next 4 months at least. But I thought it would look weird for me to start wailing. So I held back. I had that tingly feeling in my nose, extra moisture in my eyes and that ache in my chest. I probably already looked like I was going to cry. But I didn't.

I was lucky. I realised that the other 2 seats in my row were empty. So, nobody saw the tears on my cheeks as the plane took off. nobody heard the little "sniff"s as I said my goodbyes. I indulged myself with self-pity, wallowing in that sense of loneliness. As all the lights were turned off for the night, I curled up in the purple blanket, hugged the little pillow tightly, closed my eyes and tried to regulate my breathing.

Tears continued to flow, but I'm glad. Finally I feel completely on my own. I'm now responsible for myself. This is my chance. To venture somewhere on my own, not hiding behind my dad, nor having the liberty of running back to cry to my mom. No one is obliged to take care of me anymore. Scary thought, yes. But I know I need this.