[The PA lady in charged of taking care if us apparently recognised me and invited me into the building. "Got aircon," she smiled. I was touched, but surprisingly I also refused.]

Time crawls by so slowly. Every car that turns in, I look, hoping to see a young face in the passenger's seat, wishing there'll be someone here to pass time with me. But of course, I was disappointed again and again. Yet, I know that I'm not afraid to be alone. I like being alone. I enjoy my own company, I poke fun at people who hold on so tightly to so-called friends just to avoid being alone and I sometimes even wish I do not have to talk to entertain my friends at all.

It's not being alone that's scary. It's loneliness.

Sometimes I feel the most lonely when I'm at a party or when I'm standing among the crowds at Orchard Road. The feeling of having to fend for myself, of there being no one who understands, of being excluded and isolated.

And loneliness is what I'm feeling now. The people around me walk about briskly, purposefully and confidently. They belong here because they work there. They know what they have to do today, so they go about doing their business just like any other day. Except today there's a young girl sitting on the floor blocking their way. Some of them look at me curiously, wondering what I'm doing, what I'm scribbling in my little yellow notebook. They'll never guess that they'll become extras in my little online journal drama, so that shall be my little victory. But frankly, who cares?

I wonder if I'll actually recover when the others come, whether it's *snap fingers* and I'm back to my overly talkative and silly self again. I doubt it. It's not easy to snap out of it. I need someone to say,"I understand," smile and give me a warm teddy bear hug. Tough.

The weather today is great -- sunny, clear sky now, slight breeze. I'll be meeting some really great people later -- my new friends from OBS. But who cares?

I'm still feeling lonely. As lonely as that little girl those many years ago sitting in that creepy empty canteen.

By the way, later that morning, it started raining, for the rest of the day, which obviously did not help. My very grey mood thus also lasted for the whole day.