290602, 1423hr, central time

last night, we went out for dinner at our fave mandarin wok, because it was going to close for the whole month of july. i've actually not eaten there since i got back, as amazing as it sounds. or maybe it's not that amazing, considering how i eat at home all the time, trying to finish up all the trash left in the fridge. i get to save more money that way too. after dinner, we picked up some bubble tea from evo, headed for david's place where we laughed over the iron chef show, while waiting for time to pass before we go watch the minority report at beverly's.

in other words, it's really a fairly usual friday gathering. and i'm glad i had that, instead of being alone.

in the afternoon, i was on the verge of getting depressed again - i went home for lunch, fully intending to head out again for the weekly japanese conversation table session at the cafe. but once i went back to my room, turned on my music and lit my candles, i settled in so nicely i didn't want to go out anymore. i didn't want to go out there to try to speak my awkward japanese, to make new friends. i'd rather study on my own, and pretend to speak good japanese. there was something comforting about hiding in my basement room - where i know people won't be able to find me, once i unplug my phone and turn off my icq. i felt okay the whole week, but it sapped too much of my energy to keep up with it, so i was going to give up, last afternoon. i was going to do the whole climb-into-bed-and-mope thing again.

then i decided to compromise, i decided i'll just head to the cafe and study my japanese there [it's not time for the conversation table anyway] and by the time it's gonna start, i would already feel better and gain more confidence to join them. but i didn't do that either. i took my bag upstairs, i was going to leave. then i looked outside - it was all sunny and bright - and i felt disgusted with how sunny it was and decided to stay in. i knew i couldn't go back to my room though, and the dining room and living room don't have a good table for sprawling my books out. so i ended up bringing my bag upstairs to study in alvin's room.

yes, alvin's room. it's already all cleared out of alvin's things, so it's really just a room now. well, a room with a nice table to study on. and a room that still reminds me of alvin. the bedsheets were already gone, i stood on the bed and i looked out of the little window above it. it's a view that alvin likes, looking out into the streets, seemingly over everyone else. [then those indian girls moved in next door, he added, and what if the girl in that room opposite my window thinks i'm trying to look into her window?! haha. so alvin.] so anyway, there i stood, resting my arm on the dusty ledge and looking out to see the familiar view of the streets. it didn't seem so bright anymore, in fact it seems a little mellow, a little dusty. maybe it's the dust on the window pane, or maybe it's the roof over the window casting a shadow.

in the end, i didn't study japanese. i got tired, so i sat on alvin's bed, and then i fell asleep. i woke up just in time to meet my friends for dinner, and then i enjoyed a normal gathering of friends.

it's dangerzone again - the weekend.