But I didn't expect her to come home today with a car full of gifts from her students, not to mention a few bouquets of plastic flowers (from her students) and 3 huge bouquets of fresh flowers (from her colleagues and from the school I presume). There were 3 different types of flowers than she got. The first 2 were not surprising: roses and carnations. But I was quite surprised to know that they also gave her orchids. I wonder if it was a coincidence or did they know that my mom really loved orchids.

Anyway, when I have to carry all those stuff she had in her car into the house, I suddenly felt very touched. I have no idea whether I am touched by how respected and loved my mother is by her students, or how my mother has dedicated 20+ years of her life to the education of these kids and today marks the end of that career. It sort of reminds me of her lost youth.

I mean, I admire my mother for her dedication to her job. All my life, the image of my mother as the teacher is already deeply etched in my mind and today, it's all over. Now, she is just a housewife. Oh, a private tutor too. But it's different. Gone are the days when I mark her papers for her, hear her talk about how sweet her ex-student is, get used to people calling her laoshi....blah blah blah...I never thought I would be so affected by her retirement..argh..

I know that my mom became a teacher actually not by choice. She was kinda smug when she informed me some time ago that she was actually offered a chance to study nursing in the UK when she finished her secondary school. But, she wasn't allowed to go, because her family was broke and she had to start working to support the family. At that time, the most secure and fashionable thing to do was to enrol in the teaching college to become a teacher. So, in order to support her family, she gave up her own aspirations and became a teacher.

Not that she really minds, I think basically because to her, family is still more important and she is quite contented with what she has now. But when she mentioned the lost chance she had those years ago to take a different path, I saw this little regret nagging in her mind. And I know that it is not a pleasant feeling, to wonder about the "what if".

Now that my mother is a retired teacher, she sounds really old now. She's 47 years old this year and I think she's just tired of working. Seeing all those wrinkles that she has now, I wonder how many of those were from worrying about me, and how many from worrying about her students. Not that's it's important now anyway.

I also have to wonder, when I leave her this August, when is the next time that we will meet again? How many more wrinkles is she going to have? I've read of many articles when people meet their parents and suddenly realise how much they have aged. Here I am trying to prepare myself for seeing my parents age, and eventually die, but I still feel like crying just thinking of it.

I have digressed. Argh.