290801, 2330hr, illinois time.

i feel oddly contented, after a long dinner with yahui and liwei. the service was terrible at ned kelly's today. the waitress at the front desk assumed that we were there to look for someone, and not to dine. maybe because of the way we dressed. [after all, i was expecting a much simpler and cheaper meal, i wasn't exactly looking my best. hmm.] the waitor who served us seemed more than anxious to get us out the door. our glasses were never refilled. the times when he came to ask how things were, we felt more intruded than anything. eek. despite all external factors, however, i still believe i had a very good time.

my perception of my age changes all the time. when i first saw the freshies this year, i felt old. not quite know why. besides the fact that one of them was one of the spoilt smart alecky disruptive students in my teaching days in hwachong. besides the fact that most of them do look obviously younger and more energetic. it's a gut feeling, maybe i'm wrong, but my gut feeling tells me that i looked like them when i came in to uiuc 2 years ago. and hell, i'm nothing like them anymore.

hanging out with yahui and liwei today sort of reinforced my idea of how much i've changed. whether i actually do come across as mature of course is a matter of subjective perception. i know of people who of course hasn't quite seen, and therefore believe me to be capable of mature analysis. i think today's the first time liwei and yahui are seeing the more serious side of me too. despite me being the one with a cutesy bandana on my head. haha.

i don't want to go back to being 19, or 20 though. i paid the price, i had my struggles and confusion to get to where i am right now, i don't think i want to go through everything again. xinyi was lamenting how our studying career is soon coming to an end. how we'll soon have to enter the working world, and start taking on more serious responsibilities. if you can believe it, i'm actually looking forward to it. it's of course wonderful to be 19, freshly away from home, impressionable and excitable. but it happens only once a lifetime, that's why it's so wonderful. when someone stays in the 19 mentality for 10 years, it's not that wonderful anymore. can i say that i'm in the right 21 mentality? actually, i don't know. but heck, who cares. as long as i don't change faster than i should. as long as there's no retraction, i should be fine.

once in a while, spending time with younger people tells you more about yourself than you'll realise.