| 1530h
Mood: very good Fact of the day: event of the week: Exploring kyoto on my own. My brother stays in a very very small apartment, just about enough floor space to put in a petite desk, two slim shelves, one TV, one computer desk and 2 futons. And it still costs quite a bit. But at least it has its own mini kitchen and little bathroom. *Gosh, just how many small-related words can I put in one paragraph! HAh..*
Needless to say, I stay in extreme proximity to my brother the whole time, I would say no more than 2m away from each other, when we're in the apartment. When we're in the apartment, we practically can hear each other breathe, as long as the TV is not on, even if we're at opposite ends of the room. I've never stayed so close to him before, and I realise he is simply driving me nuts.
Sometimes I feel that he doesn't really want me to visit. For one, he didn't pick me up from the airport. Then, he complains nonstop about the expenses I'm causing him. He cautions that I do not use too much water when showering. He warns me not to dirty the floor or the futons. He complains that I dropped too much hair. He says that I caused him to fall sick and his computer to crash. He brought me out to the temples and complains about how boring it is, cos he's been there so many times.
Sometimes I guess I can tell why he's acting this way. The cost of living in Kyoto is really quite high and my brother is a naturally frugal person anyway. He doesn't turn on the heater until he feels cold. And he doesn't really feel cold very easily, cos he wears 4 layers of clothes even when he's at home. I'm usually the one who can't take it anymore and turns the heater on. But just enough to feel warm enough, before I have to turn it off again.
The condensation on his glass doors made my futon wet (my futon is right next to these doors) and he just wants to make sure I dry it so the futon doesn't get infected with fungus. Man, I freaking freeze to death at night sleeping on a wet futon, but he doesn't offer a single word of concern. Because the room isn't really long enough, and I'm the shorter one, I sleep on the side of the room where there's also a short table and a tall standing mirror. If I stretch myself too much while I sleep, my pillow might just topple the mirror over and kill me. It makes me very uncomfortable, curling up and taking care not to stretch too much, every single night, fearing for his darling mirror and my life.
I guess he is one of the people who has a license to hurt me, and he does. He criticises my weight, my face, my intellligence, my clothes, practically everything about me. And out of those thousands of insults everyday, some of them do hurt. When I do finally snap, he tries to be nicer, but it doesn't last. One time, we were watching TV, and he was laughing hilariously, and I was curious what the TV presenter was saying, but my brother refused to translate it for me. He says it's too complex for me to understand. I snapped, and finally he translated it for me. It was funny. But I was already going to cry, so I didn't laugh at all. After that, he continued laughing at the TV program, and I continue pretending to be disinterested.
I refuse to cry in front of him. One reason is I guess I'm too old for that, and I don't want to satisfy his sadistic mind. Or maybe I just know that he doesn't really mean to hurt me anyway and it's our way of keeping in touch of our sibling feelings. That's what siblings do to each other anyway. Beat each other up and then still love each other. Yeah, I still love my brother. He's not a mean person. He just assumes too many things about me, as his little baby sister.
I won't regret visiting my brother over this winter break. There's not much to do around here, so this really is primarily a visit rather than a vacation. And to visit someone who insults me as much as he eats. Sigh. I brought this upon myself, but no regrets. Because it's also true that I missed him. I sort of missed his brotherly touch of abuse. Haha..I can't believe I said that...I'm such a weirdo...even if he hurts me, I forget it very quickly anyway. And the next time I don't see him for too long a period of time (ie more than 1.5 years), I'm still going to visit him. For my regular dosage of brotherly love. He bought me ice-cream yesterday! Hahahhaa....
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