| 1445h
Mood: fine Fact of the day: event of the week: I actually dreamt of him all over again. Is it a nightmare or a sweet dream, I really can't tell. But it definitely felt as real as ever.
I dreamt of the time when I first liked him, just that teeny weeny little fluttery feeling in my stomach, in my heart as I heard him speak. Nah, it's nothing. Just another interesting guy, that's all. I don't want a boyfriend anyway, barely out of my old relationship. But funny, the more my friends teased me about him, the more I minded that fluttery feeling, the stronger it felt.
I dreamt of the good times we had, talking late into the night, about anything and everything. Sometimes we disagree and sometimes I would be insulted, but at the end of the day we would always agree that it was a great conversation. He told me stories that made me laugh. Such happy times.
Yet, I also dreamt of the times when he told me about his ex. I still remember writing an entry about the pain I had in my chest when he first confessed that he's still trying to get over his ex. yeah, the pain was right there in my dream too. It's scary, but in fact the pain was intensified, like that whole segment of my dream was only about that gripping ache in my heart.
or about the tears I had in my eyes, that fateful day when he broke my trust and thus my heart. The emptiness, the sorrow and regrets, they were all there in my dreams too. Only stronger.
This dream seemed to be a summary of my history with him, only condensed, intensified and more confusing than before. There didn't seem to be a chronological sequence to it, as events just pop up as and when my subconscious felt like it I guess. So one moment, I would feel the bliss as he walked me home and the next moment, I may feel the hatred for his
cruelty the night when I was most hurt by him. A whole mesh of random events, all the ups and downs of my feelings for him. All in one dream!
Unbelievable...I've never dreamt of my past before. All my dreams have always been either totally mundane daily stuff or kinda funny story type things. But never anything like this.
I woke up with a shock, confused and wondering if I can call it a good dream. I don't know why I would dream of him this way, but I did. What is my subconscious trying to say? Hmm..though I sometimes felt such strong happiness in the dream, I think eventually, I would think back at this dream with fear, fear of the whole intensity, almost. I thought I had closure, more than half a year ago, but apparently not. And that scares me too.
Sigh...what a mess. One week before my final exams and I have to dream of him, creating another opportunity for confusion and emotional distress. What's up with myself...sheesh...I can't do this, I have to study. Can't afford to spend so much time thinking about this. Sigh. What the hell.....
| |