| 0230h (130800)
Mood: relieved Fact of the day: event of the week: 4 hours is flight back to uiuc.
Yes, tomorrow's the day. Sigh...the day to go on the legendary 30 hour flight back, the day to leave home again, the day to start being independent again. I've already packed my bag, cleaned up my room, settled my home affairs, arranged for pick up there...yes, I should feel very prepared to leave. Sigh..but not quite.
I don't want my parents to feel sad for me, so hopefully I won't start crying tomorrow. But frankly, when I got my document yesterday, besides feeling relieved, it also just struck me that I am indeed leaving after all.
For the past month, my life was filled with bliss because I received a lot of love at home. At home, I felt so safe, so protected and secure. My mom says I didn't change at all, in terms of my habits, as if I still cannot take care of myself. [yes, she thinks that just because I don't fold my blanket when I wake up in the morning, I don't know how to take care of myself.] What I want to say is, mom, I do fold my own blanket when I'm in uiuc. I do take care of myself there too. Because over there, there's no one to do it for me.
Over there, who's there to take care of me? Only when mom's around that I can afford to just purely relax. Just this once a year, let me be pampered. Let me be a spoilt kid.
And tomorrow, I'm leaving this haven, so go back to being uiuc's cindy. Sigh..is that good thing? I guess I know that I can't be a bummer my whole life. There're so many things waiting for me to do. And one month's been a long enough break. It's time to leave. But I'm still sad. I'm leaving my home again.
Just yesterday, I heard this patriotic song on the tv [we're still having national day celebrations]. I really like the song, so I was just singing along. This sounds damn cheesy, but suddenly, I just felt like crying, and I couldn't continue the song. The song went "This is home, truly. Where I know I must be..."
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