| 2300hr
Mood: relaxed Fact of the day: event of the week party next saturday.
Today, I went to the PSC pre-departure course, to meet up with my Illinois-bound juniors. My senior was also there, so it wasn't just me doing all the talking. But still, I think the session was quite boring...it was so obvious that my juniors were bored stiff and seriously speaking, I think they've been overly pampered and spoon-fed by us. They're after all already 18 years old at least, surely they should not need us to hold their hands and guide them the whole way. Oh well... I guess it's their fortune that my batch of people is so enthusiastic in taking care of the juniors...
Anyway, after my session with my juniors, I met up with Jinghua, since he's also attending the same pre-departure course and we're having dinner together, with my usual gang of hwachong friends. He's leaving for UK in September, so he wanted to give them a treat, as a farewell gift. I don't think I did that last year, so I thought I'd better put my share in the dinner treat as well.
Before dinner, since we were a little early, Jinghua and I went window shopping, while catching up on each other's lives. The funny thing is, I've never had such a nice and long conversation with him before. But his friendship felt so genuine and real, I felt as comfortable talking to him, as compared to my other closer friends.
Later that evening, just when we were about to go to our meeting place to wait for the rest of the gang, the strap on my shoe gave way. [Never trust shoes on a ridiculous sale!] I limped over to the shoe shop and wanted to buy another pair of shoes. The funny thing was, in the end, Jinghua paid for my shoes, as an early birthday present. I felt so happy I couldn't help boasting to my other friends..hahhaa...
On the other hand, I also felt this sense of loss. When was the last time when someone paid for my purchases like that? How often is it that someone actually offers to pay and I allow him/her to. Especially since my shoes are not cheap, Jinghua's generosity both surprised and touched me. Perhaps money is not a good measure of love, but somehow, taking into consideration his usual stinginess, Jinghua's one-time generosity made me feel like he really treasured me as a friend. How many people would do that for me? How many guys would do that for me?
I'm in this I-don't-want-a-boyfriend phase right now, feeling invincible, believing that guys are useless and that I don't need anyone right now. But after the incident with Jinghua, I suddenly felt this sense of need, to be pampered and loved by someone other than my family. To have someone to lean on, someone to hold, someone to call my love. Sigh... It's almost as if I have a craving to be less independent, and more of a little girl.
But the feeling will pass soon. Looking at the guys around me, I wonder who actually has the ability to take care of me. Looking at my diverse interests, I wonder if I have time for a guy in my life. Yeah, it's obvious I don't really need a man, and I don't have time for one either. My craving for love is nothing but a craving is not worth the effort.
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