| 2100hr
Mood: down Fact of the day: I'm dropping hair. argh. event of the week none.
I really did screw up my computer science exam. I just found out my grade. Damn screwed up. Argh.
But of course, I've still got tomorrow's exams to think about and this is not the time to whine about a paper that's already over. But it still feels awful. That I really did badly. Sigh. How's that for motivation? But who can I turn to for consolation? I cannot turn to Li because she'll then tell me about how screwed up her papers are, which is not what I need right now. I cannot turn to Alvin because he'll give me this very disappointed look and say something like,"Actually you're very smart, so why do so badly?" Which, ahem, is not what I need either. Shaun is busy today, won't be able to catch him, and besides, he'll probably tell me something about trying my best and all, which is not what I need either. Actually, what do I need? I don't really know. Consoling words can sometimes be so clich� and frankly, I'm so good at consoling others, I can do the same for myself. But precisely because I never manage to cheer myself up, I know that these supposed consoling words are really not what I need. Like last night, I was feeling seriously ill, but I still had to finish my homework. I saw Shaun on icq, and he was really nice, asking me about eating panadol, telling me to rest and all. But as he said all that, I felt even worse. It's all wrong. This is not what I need at all. All I really needed is a big strong hug, some soothing caresses, some genuine pampering. Times like this, I really wish I have a good friend as a roommate or something. Shaun's a guy and shouldn't come all the way to my dorm just to give me a hug. My friends are all too far away. My mom is too far away. I wish I can be more independent. Emotionally. Now I know why I've been feeling so down the past few days. Besides being ill, I was also emotionally weak. I craved attention and pampering. Which I didn't get. Sigh. I want to go home. | |