I have been going to church a few times eversince I got here. I am not Christian. I like to call myself a free thinker, though I am rather curious about all the religions.

One of the reasons why I have no converted to Christianity is because I do not sense the presence of God at all. As the Christians passionately talked about sense the presence of the Holy Spirit or whatever, I just couldn't help but feel like I'm missing something. There are so many questions I have about this religions. Things I am not sure about, things I am offended by... I really needed answers and I was convinced that He was avoiding me.

But yesterday, something weird happened. I was at a worshipping event. It was quite a big event and there was an extended prayer thing. I was to meet the guy after the worship event and I was very confused by my attraction to him. I wondered if he was worth my efforts, my painful pining. I prayed and I asked God to help me. I wanted to know if I really liked him. Whether he liked me at all. Whether he will ever like me. I was asking Him for an answer for my confusion with him.

And later that night, the guy didn't turn up.

I'm not sure. Is the answer to my question? Or is this just a coincidence?

For a person who is confused as to whether God exists, as well as her feelings for a certain guy, it really wasn't advisable to ask God about the guy. Now I'm even more confused...