Sudden inspirations or cravings:
I need to find nice pictures.

I had a horrible dream...I have not had nightmares for a very long time. The last time I remember being scared awake is at least 10 years ago, when I dreamt of being chased by a HUGE ball of hair. OK, it sounds funny now, but it was genuinely scary then...sniff...totally unsympathetic...

Anyway, my nightmare has progressed..scary in a very civilised way.

I dreamt about my 'A' Levels results.

I dreamt that I got A1 for Maths, B3 for Chemistry and Physics and B4 for Biology. OK, I know that there is no such grading system for 'A' levels...that should have given me a clue that it was only a dream. But nnnooooo, I believed, cos I knew that I did not do my best during the exams.

Somehow, I was talking to this Biology teacher on the phone and she refused to tell me my results, only telling me that I was disappointing....then the long pauses, u know, like she was trying to think of the best way to break the bad news to me.

Then, somehow, it turns out that she was right in front of me and my results were also right in front of me, only I had to read it upside down cos the piece of paper was facing the teacher.

The funny thing is this teacher doesn't even teach me. Then, the weirdest thing is yet that although she was in front of me, I was still talking on the phone with her.

Aha, three clues already that this was only a dream...did I wake up? NNOo...I went on...

Somehow, I just got fustrated with her that she refused to tell me the results though I could already read my own results. So I slammed the phone down and went out. Somehow, my school was right besides this beach. It was very sunny... Aha, clue #4..

I saw Poach and somehow she also didn't do well, but she looked very happy. Another weird thing, cos I somehow saw this F10 thing on her results slip...the F10 grade doesn't even exist, for goodness sake..

While I was sulking, walking around in daze, as like in a dream, she was playing with some kids, until Ming came and we decided to leave together. I think she didn't do well either, but I was the only one sulking. Another clue, cos I'm normally the one who is most easy-going on things like results..hehe..

Then, I remember checking on the class list to see how the rest of the class did, and everyone did as expected..except for me!!! I was totally devastated. Then, either Poach or Ming said something about " well, guess we'll have to get used to NUS". Then I got such a shock that I woke up.

Once I woke up, I was so glad that I woke up, I burst out crying...I have not cried so loudly for a long long time. Well, despite that loud wailing, my father did not appear to hear anything, cos he did not say anything to me. Unsympathetic family...

That was a horrible dream...sniff..

Since then, I have been trying to interpret my dream. I thought I was ready for failure actually, as I have told quite a few people, cos I really didn't dare to pin such high hopes on myself, especially when I know that I was not in top form during the exams. Maybe subconsciously I was afraid of the retribution for my slacker attitude..

Then, the thing about the Biology teacher trying to tell my the bad news, I guess I didn't really like that teacher. For every encounter with her, it's always something bad, like our class has done something wrong, things that get us scolded...

I wonder why Poach and Ming looked perfectly satisfied when the results were horrible. This, I really don't know the answer, I think they might only serve to contrast my sulking.

Then, I wonder why I had to get so upset over the rest of the class doing better than me. I mean, I never really thought I was the very competitive sort. I might want to do well, but I don't really measure success by comparing with the other people... I guess I must be subconsciously a much more competitive person than I thought.

Also, I had nothing against NUS actually..or maybe subconsciously I did...

The fact that the whole dream was very sunny is quite puzzling cos previously, all my nightmares ( the hair-ball one especially ) happen in total darkness. I have two explanations for this. It might be to serve as a contrast for my bad mood. Or, the more likely one, it might just be a repercussion from my beautiful holiday at Surfers Paradise..

I thought I was pretty well-prepared for my 'A's levels results. But apparently I was wrong....my subconscious was much smarter than I thought.