-Realistic Portrayal of 21century zombies-
It was a beautiful morning with a cloudless sky; the early June air was slightly chilly. The whole town seemed quiet except the far-away squawks of annoying crows.
"What the holy hell! What have I become? I... I fucking turned into... what? A fucking zombie?"
Raymond screamed, confiding in his only friend Peter, who was still sleeping under his comfy blanket and reluctant even to turn his head to take a look at him. He had obviously been drunk and smoked as fuck last night.
"Good God! I know you are one. Did you notice it only now?" mumbled Peter in a sleepy tone. "You have always been like a zombie; actually you said you wanted to be one. I know it's another trick of yours to surprise crap out of me. Quit watching those old retarded 70s Italian movies, and imagining fucking things. Imagine something more sexy. If you did, I wouldn't have damped you. But I'm sorry you are fuckin' incompetent. Anyway, man, you are one crazy dopehead."
Peter tucked himself deeper under his blanket, determined to completely ignore Raymond.
"It isn't a joke! I said I want to be a zombie actor, not a real zombie or a sexy zombie with rotten cock! Fuck you Peter! Oh God! My skin is falling off! And my hair! They are fucking rotting!"
Raymond kept on complaining. "Look, look at me! It sucks and smells like, like crap, or fuckin old chicken-meat in fridge! How can I go on like this,"
Cried Raymond, now completely lost in his hysteria, jumping around the room like a psycho maniac bastard.
"I'm turning into a zombie! WTF(literaly read)! I was just fine yesterday!"
Raymond's rampaging around caused percussions in the room and one of Peters long and neatly shaven legs dropped off the bed. But he was still sleeping with loud snoring. With his crotch cone-shaped with a morning erection, he was shaking his ass against the blanket he hugged, murmuring the name "Britney" which was the name of his dog he kept back in his parents' home.
Peter finally woke up, he, too, looking like a zombie. He stared into Raymond�fs sick face
"You look horrible today. Even paler than usual, but I don't give a shit. I am going back to sleep, just leave me alone and you can go fuck yourself."
Rubbing his eyes, which widened after he accudentally had a peek at Raymond again. He yelled so loud that whole neighborhood could have been awakened.
"What the fuck! Unbelievable shit. You really look like one. But what makes you... Maybe you are just damn sick or I must have had too much dope last night?"
Raymond haughtily answered his friend.
"Don't question my knowledge of zombies! I know everything about what I am going through. This is only the first phase. I am still conscious and my flesh is not rotten enough. So amateurs can't distinguish it from a common deadly nasty diseases. But I am soon to be one of those... oh my God!"
Raymond dashed to the window as if had remembered something important to do.
"Umm the town seems to be alright... nobody else seem to be infected. But then why the heaven's duck only me?"
He fell deep in thought, with a bit of disappointment of not being able to witness the spectacle of the entire world infested by cannibalistic zombies.
"Don't feel so bad, dude, that's life. Shit happens." Trying to console him, he patted his shoulder lightly. "But isn't it contagious? Will I be okay around you?"
"I don't know." answered Raymond. "I think it is. I'm sure this time we can't make muffin around together anymore like we did before... Well... but I think it's better that now we can be more platonic... But of course you don't have to be near me if you don't want to, you know... "
He sat on the bed, holding his head in his hands as if he knew he had no future at all. Which he of course didn't, poor little bastard.
"I'll always on your side man, you know. But if you try to eat me, I will kill you okay? I hope you understand, cuz if I didn't do it, you may do a greater evil to this country, and even those less important parts of the world. I know you are patriotic as fuck to this country and I will make you live to it. I mean, die to it. And afterall, it's cool to shoot a zombie brain. I will be the first perosn to kill a zombie in real... I'm already fuckin excited!"
Peter went too far and apologized to Raymond, showing it was a joke, and went on.
"Maybe I'll get infected by you, but I don't give a damn about being one of those creeps. We can be cool together again. But maybe, after all, you are mistaken and it's some kind of deadly fuckin virus. Either way you will die soon though."
Peter patted his shoulder absently in an almost comforting manner, before he covered his forehead with his hand, lost in thought, and then stared at Raymond's sunken back.
"We'll see where this assy tragigy is goin'", murmured Raymond after a few seconds of contemplation, then flung himself onto the bed. "Oh crap, my girlfriend's prom is tomorrow! I don't know what to say to her! What could she possibly say to this horrible monster, and then what? She will abandon me?"
Being a typical geek-type loser who was always anxious and unconfident, he could not stop thinking about how people judge him by appearances or behavior. He was so nervous that could not help scratching his head, which of course, resulted in the exposure of parts of his bare skin and then his skull. Raymond stopped for a moment, trying to figure out what's he was doing. Peter hesitated to see his friend's series of misfortunes.
"Calm down, you moron, stop doing that! Put it back!"
Peter pulled out his personal stash, from his always handy, handy-dandy toolboy, of super glue and began the attempt to glue his buddy's skin back.
"I don't think Mindy(Raymond's girlfriend) will hate you because of this. She always said she really loves you, not by how you behave or look, but because you are kind and considerate. You are always kind to me too. I don't want to remember it so much, but I owe you like five thousand dollars or something. Thanks to you, I could pay for my sick mom's surgery in time. Without it she would have been dead by now from a chronic depression. But she is now all happy with her new breasts. By the way, I think Mindy makes a good girlfriend with you."
Staring at Raymond's malformed face he wondered if he had said something bad, then he stopped. Peter looked away from him, trying to shift the attention.
"It is a beautiful day today, isn't it? I want an ice cream."
Looking out the window Peter could not come up with any better things to say.
"No it's not. And what did you mean?" said Raymond but to take things in a bright way, he said "Well, I agree with you. I should give it a try. After all, I don't look so different from what I was. Maybe even more original and cooler."
"What a fool." If Peter thought. But of course he had to cheer him up. "Yeah go for it! You are the zombie! You are already dead, so there is nothing for you to be afraid of."
However, we all know that Raymond is the doomed one.
Next day, the door bell rang. It was already dark outside and the prom was starting in an hour. Raymond could not fall asleep last night because of the uncomfortable decay he had to deal with. So he ended up drinking a fair amount of booze trying to sleep. Peter was drinking with him. He stared into Raymond's eyes and said
"hey, I remember when we last made love. You were really good at it, so...it was great. But since then you became quite different. You became very bad at it...I became mean to you cuz I thought it's because..."
Raymond replied with a crumbling smile. "I know..., it's not because I didn't love you. I did but my body didn't take my orders... And it's now better this way. I found someone I can love, though it's rather platonic relationship... Fortunately she is not interested in sex. She is just as Platonic as I am. And speaking of you, you said you found someone too, right? Did you say it was a girl? Hehe, what a coincidence."
Peter answered. "Yeah, we have been toghether for only a little period, but everythnig's going well between us. Well, but I still miss those nights I shared with you."
Raymond didn't answer immediately, but Peter could tell he was feeling the same way. Then, Peter made a rather random and awkward comment.
"Well, I may want to try you again." He went close to Raymond, and touched over his pants gently. "It may work now, afterall you are a zombie"
So it did. The world is full of mysteries, and some of which will never be comprehended. Was this an intention of God, whose heart was deeply in sorrow, for these pitiful creatures? Raymond himself felt surprised by what was happening.
"I can't believe it's working now. Wait a second, it's been up for a past 5hours. I didn't really pay attention to it... Is it kind of hardening of body that occurs to dead bodies? Well.. Who cares, let's fuck!"
So they fucked hard. Peter was all happy. Raymond did not feel much sensations as his limbs were going numb. But he pretended he was feeling good. Then, they fell asleep and the night has passed.
When Raymond woke up around noon, his degradation was even worse and his consciousness blurred. Peter was out buying his cigarettes. Suddenly the door bell rang. He went to the door and looked through the hole. It was Mindy. He quickly put his clothes on and the flowers for her.
He was very afraid. Raymond had to open the door with his shaking hand and in the other hand he held flowers whose petals were falling all over on the floor. He decided to warn her in advance as to not surprise her and send her running away.
"Well... the thing is...kinda weird. Mindy. Please don't be surprised at this. I am kind of sick today. But not so bad, I can still come with you, can I?"
Mindy answered without hesitation. "Of course you can. I don't care how you look. I'm not that kind of person. You are very kind and considerate. Remember all the things you gave to and done for me. Also I think you can't possibly look ugly to me even if you really were to others, because I love you. By the way can I have any dope before we leave? I've been very nervous about this whole big event thing..."
Raymond was relieved that he automatically opened the door. Behind the door was a tall woman in her beautiful dress. He was caught by surprise because he did not think about how different everyone dresses up on such a special day. Immediately after he opened the door, he went to her to embrace her. "I love you too, dear!"
She tried to shake off this ugly monster but failed because of his monstrous strength and fainting stench. The monster noticed he had been hurting and terrifying her, so he backed up a few steps. "I'm sorry; I wasn't going to hurt you!"
Through the sentence he stuttered a few times in a feeble but with demonic low voice, one that no longer resembled one of a human being. But rather of one of those super-fat people whose fat is cuaght up in their throat.
From the walkway came a large, well-built guy of 7feet tall, noticing the event happening beside him, he immediately shook him off her. It was his friend Peter in his new tuxedo, which was so tight that his rather-round stomach was partly exposed. Raymond at first glance felt it sexy but it was no time to fancy as Peter yelled at him.
"What a creep! Get away from her; I don�ft know who the hell you are, but I am taking you to the police right now!"
He yelled so loudly close to Raymond's ear he felt he could almost faint.
"What the fuck" Raymond could not utter a voice; he was so upset to his friend's behaviour and could not understand what was going on. He tried to seize him by his collar.
"What the hell are you doing? Get off me you monster!"
Raymond pushed Peter so hard he was flung away onto the bed, and he was still rushing toward him for another heavy blow. Peter took a small handgun from his underpants, which he never carried with him before, and pointed at Raymond's head, the point of the gun was covered with silencer.
"See if you really were a fuckin' zombie!" As soon as he pulled the trigger, his brain scattered all over the room.
"Shit I killed a man!" Cried Peter, slightly looking at Mindy's side for forgiveness.
"You had to." She mourned looking disgustedly at the monster's fragmented body. "Thank you. You saved me from this creep. What's your name?"
"Peter." He answered as if he was waiting for this moment, and replied with courtesy, "It seems you don't have a date for tonight. Would you be my date, sweetie?"
"Of course, darling. She sighed in an almost prepared tone. You're the bravest man I've ever seen."
She replied seeming to completely forgotten about her original date.
"Let's get out of here quickly."
Peter gently placed his gun beside the corpse, and slightly looked at the shelf over whose top are hidden flasks of some sort of poison potion, sleeping pills and via...something. He laid a small paper beside the corpse. The paper said "I'll teach you the zombie way." Which he had got Raymond to write the previous night when he was drunk. Peter and Mindy left for dance, and together they lived happily ever after.