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The Shinra Very Unlikely Shinra Tales!!
These are very silly parodies based on fairy tales
Shinraella
Rufus Shinra really wanted to go to the Shinra Cocktail Party that his father was throwing.
But Rufus was not allowed to do anything until he got all his chores done.
Mr. Shinra made sure to give him extra work so he wouldn�t be able to even go.
�This isn�t� right, Dark Nation! Now I'm stuck cleaning the house I�ll never get my work done!� he frowned as he picked up the mop and left to clean the front corridor. �I�ll never be able to press my suit now!� he muttered.
�Oh dear��Poor Rufy! I know! I can do it!� Dark Nation started to fix Rufus� suit. �La la la�
Rufus managed to get ALL his work done in time for the Shinra Cocktail Party. But I don�t have my suit ready� he thought as he trudged up the stairs.
�SURPRISE!!!� Dark Nation cried.
�OH Dark Nation! This is so great! Now I can go to the Party!� Rufus put his suit on and went down stairs.
But Evil Mr. Shinra didn�t want his son to go to the Party, because he didn�t� want his son to get involved with the Princess. So, he spilled some wine all over Rufus� white suit and laughed as Rufus stormed off.
�This really sucks!� Rufus told Dark Nation. �Maybe I was never supposed to meet the princess.� He told Dark Nation
�OF course you should meet the Princess! This is why I�m giving you a wish�� a voice told him. Rufus turned around and there stood Aeris.
�I�m the Fairy Ancient Mother! And I�m going to grant your wish!� and with the wave of her wand, Aeris magically made Rufus have a handsome new exquisite outfit, complete with a Glass Shotgun.
�You must be home at midnight, Rufus!� Aeris told him and she disappeared.
Rufus went to the Cocktail Party. He saw his father and many other Shinra people. He surveyed the room and saw the Princess pouring herself a martini.
�I�m not really a princess you know! Quit calling me that you lecher!�
Scarlet slapped Mr. Shinra. �Leave me alone!� she stalked away from him.
Rufus looked at her.
�OH, hello. Nice day huh? You want to dance?�
Scarlet and Rufus danced the night away.
Rufus didn�t realize the clock said midnight until it struck.
�I must go, please. Miss Scarlet�� Rufus got up
�No, you mustn�t please� I don�t� know your name�� she started
But Rufus ran off, leaving his glass shotgun behind
The next day, Scarlet ordered the SOLDIERs to check every home; she wanted the man with the Glass Shotgun to become her husband.
Evil Mr. Shinra locked Rufus in his room but Dark Nation retrieved the keys.
The moment Rufus rushed down to reunite with her, and Scarlet laid her eyes on him, she knew Rufus was the one with the Glass Shotgun
Rufus and Scarlet got married and lived happily ever after!
Sleeping Turk
The birth of a New Turk, and all of Midgar knew about it. Elena finally became a Turk, and a little office party was thrown for her.
All the Shinra executives were there celebrating. Suddenly, evil Cloud came out of nowhere.
�Hi Elena, I have a gift for you� before the sun sets on your next birthday, you will shock yourself, with an electro-mag nightstick and DIE!� he cursed the beautiful, deadly female Turk.
All the Shinra people waived it off as a silly joke that Cloud was playing, but Heidegger didn�t� find it funny.
�I can counteract the curse. If you should shock yourself, there is still a ray of hope; you will not die, but just sleep. And only when you are struck by love�s kiss, the spell will break� he told her.
A year passed and everyone seemingly forgot about Cloud and his evil curse.
The Turks, that is, Reno and Rude were celebrating Elena�s birthday in the office.
�Wow, is that a new nightstick, Reno? Its nice, may I see it?� Elena asked.
�Sure, be my guest� Reno handed her the nightstick.
Elena accidentally shocked herself and slumped over
�NOOOOOOOO Cloud�s curse came true!!� Reno and Rude sorrowfully took their friend into the Office Coffee Room and laid her down on the sofa.
�Only love�s kiss can free her,� Rude said sadly.
Meanwhile, Tseng heard of what happened to Elena.
He made his way home from Costa Del Sol (For he was called away on a single mission there) to get to Elena. There, in the office, slept the beautiful Elena.
Tseng lifted Elena in his arms.
�Poor Elena� he said. He did not know of Heidegger�s counter curse
Tseng gently kissed Elena.
Elena woke up. Tseng had woken Elena with the kiss of true love!
And they all lived Happily Ever After!
Miss Scarlet of Shinra
There was a beautiful young woman who worked at Shinra Inc. She was so young and full of life, everyone loved her.
She was known as Little Miss Scarlet. One day Little Miss Scarlet heard that her grandmother was ill and sent for her.
Rufus granted her a vacation to see her mother in Sector 7 Slums.
�Be careful, Scarlet.
Do not forget that the Big Bad Barrett lurks in Sector 7!�
Scarlet assured him that she�d be careful. But on her way to Sector 7 she got caught up in the commotion and she was shopping for some Materia orbs.
Suddenly Big Bad Barrett came out of nowhere and stopped to talk to her.
�Good evening Miss Scarlet� he said. �Where ar' you offta?�
�Just visiting my ill grandmother,� she told him coolly.
Big Bad Barrett decided to go disguise himself, as her grandmother in hopes to eat Little Miss Scarlet, for Big Bad Barrett was a cannibal.
Little Miss Scarlet went into her grandmother�s house and saw Big Bad Barrett in bed.
�Grandmother! What huge ugly shoes you are wearing!� she told her.
�Ah�. well all the better to dance the Macarena with!� Big Bad Barrett told her.
�And what disgusting facial hair! Oh man, the hormones have taken a turn for the worst!� Miss Scarlet said critically.
�Ah, all the better to use Nair on my face with!� Big Bad Barrett said stupidly.
�And what a huge gun you have on your arm!� Scarlet told her.
�All the better to KILL YOU WITH MY DEAR!� Big Bad Barrett yelled.
Scarlet shrieked.
�FREEZE RIGHT THERE!� Some Shinra Attack Soldiers came out of no were and surrounded Big Bad Barrett.
Big Bad Barrett was taken away and Scarlet�s grandmother, who had every bit of fashion sense as her fabulous granddaughter had, was released from Big Bad Barrett�s hold, and they all lived happily ever after!
The Three SOLDIERS and the Big Bad Cloud
Once there were Three SOLDIERS who loved decided that they needed to move out of their mother�s home in Junon and get their own places.
�I know you must leave, my dear sons, but remember, the Big Bad Cloud of AVALANCHE will be out there trying to harm you SOLDIERS!�
�Don�t worry� the SOLDIERS told her, we won�t get caught!�
The first SOLDIER was a little on the slow side. He decided to build his home with straw. The second SOLDIER was a little quicker on the uptake, but still very dense. He chose the finest sticks in all of Junon to build his place with. The third SOLDIER was very bright and built his place out of nice brick. The SOLDIERS were having a great time, when the Big Bad Cloud came!
So all three SOLDIERS ran into their homes.
Big Bad Cloud came knocking on the door.
�Little SOLDIERS let me come in!� he said.
�NO! Not by the lead of my bullet would I let you in!� the first SOLDIER yelled.
�Then I�ll hack and I�ll slash and Omnislash your house down!� Big Bad Cloud yelled.
SO he did that and the poor SOLDIER took off running for his brother�s home. Big Bad Cloud followed them.
Big Bad Cloud knocked on the door.
�Little SOLDIERS let me come in!� he said.
�NO! Not by the lead of my bullet would I let you in!� the second SOLDIER yelled.
�Then I�ll hack and I�ll slash and Omnislash your house down!� Big Bad Cloud yelled.
And he hacked and slashed and Omnislashed the little stick house down, and those poor SOLDIERS ran for their oldest brothers home
Big Bad Cloud made his way to the sweet little brick house.
�Little SOLDIERS let me come in!� he said.
�NO! Not by the lead of my bullet would I let you in!� the third SOLDIER yelled.
�Then I�ll hack and I�ll slash and Omnislash your house down!� Big Bad Cloud yelled.
Big Bad Cloud did that, but the house stayed up. Big Bad Cloud yelled in frustration, said a few naughty words and said he�d drop down the chimney. But the SOLDIERS were ready for him! When Big Bad Cloud came down, all three SOLDIERS had their guns poised for action. Big Bad Cloud ran away never to bother them again! And the other two SOLDIERS built themselves brick houses and lived happily ever after.
Aeris
One day, Ilfana really wanted to eat some nice lettuce from the Garden of Professor Hojo. Her husband, Professor Gast, did not want to see his lovely wife unhappy so he decided to steal some.
Hojo was NOT happy (would you be if someone stole YOUR lettuce?)
He wanted Ilfana to repay him by giving him her unborn child. Ilfana agreed and when Aeris was born, Hojo took Aeris.
Aeris was a lovely child and she grew more pretty each day. Hojo didn�t want her around, so he locked her in a tower. When Hojo wished to see his �specimen� he�d call for her to let down her hair as so he could �climb� it.
There came a day when Rude of the Turks was passing by and heard Aeris� lovely singing. After observing Hojo climb Aeris� hair, Rude tried the same tactic, and Aeris let her hair down.
Aeris was afraid, but Rude looked so nice and charming, she couldn�t be afraid.
Time passed and Aeris was intending to escape with Rude. But one night, Hojo caught Rude coming down the tower and he cast Darkness on him, blinding him. Hojo then turned his anger to poor Aeris, cutting Aeris� hair off. Aeris managed to escape, finding Rude. She held him in her arms, crying for his plight. Her tears, being so pure and innocent healed Rude�s blindness and they lived happily ever after
Yuffie and the Three SOLDIERS
Once three SOLDIERS were off doing their work at Shinra, when Yuffie came to steal their materia.
She walked into their home and saw 3 guns. Yuffie decided to play with them. She picked up the biggest one. �Oh this one is too heavy� she complained.
She picked up the next biggest. �This is too light!� she said. �But THIS one is just right!� Yuffie shot it and hit a lamp.
�Hehe!� Yuffie ran upstairs. There were 3 SOLDIER uniforms. �Ooh! I want to wear it! But this one is TOO big!� Yuffie tore it off and threw it down. �This one is too tight!� she took it off and threw it down. �But this one�. its perfectly right!�
Yuffie admired herself. She decided to sit down in their chairs. �This one isn�t soft!� Yuffie jumped on the seat and jumped off.
�And this one is too soft!� Yuffie jumped off. �But this chair is grand!� Yuffie rocked in it very hard and broke it. �Oh well, a little glue, a few nails, it�ll be easy to fix!�
She then got tired so she dosed off in the too soft chair.
The 3 SOLDIERS came home.
�What the heck!� said one. �Someone�s been shooting my gun!�
�Someone�s been shooting my gun!� the other 2 cried. They went upstairs to put their guns away.
�Someone�s been trying on my uniform!� they all cried.
�I hear something�. lets go investigate!� one suggested so they went downstairs.
�Someone�s been sitting on my chair, look at those muddy boot prints!� one cried. �Hey! Someone broke my chair!� his friend called.
�Hey! Someone is in my chair!� the other cried.
�EEEP! Help!� Yuffie shrieked and ran off.
She vowed never to go into anyone�s home ever again����if she could HELP it. ;)
Cait Sith In Boots
Once a very poor man named Reeve wanted to work at Shinra. His cat, Cait Sith, said, never fear!
Just give me some boots and I�ll make sure you get in!
Cait Sith got his boots and he when out and stole a few Materia off of some enemies.
He went to Shinra office and told President Shinra �This Materia is from Reeve!� President Shinra told his son, Rufus that this Reeve fellow must be very rich.
Things were like this until one day Reeve and Cait Sith were at the pool. Cait Sith knocked Reeve in and yelled out so Pres. Shinra would hear:
�HELP! REEVE IS DROWNING!� Pres. Shinra ordered for Reeve to be rescued. Delighted, Cait Sith told them that a party at Reeve�s mansion would take place.
Shinra left, and Reeve looked at his cat. �What are we to do now, cat?�
�Have faith�� Cait said.
Meanwhile, Cait Sith visited an evil scary sorceress who lived in a mansion.
�Hey, I heard that you could turn into animals! Like dragons!� Cait said.
�Indeed� she turned into one.
�But. That�s great, but I heard that you can�t turn into little animals like mice!� Cait told her
�I can so!� and she turned into one.
Quickly Cait killed the mouse, making the mansion Reeve�s.
Pres Shinra came and liked Reeve a lot, so Reeve got a job at Shinra Inc.
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