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A Crazy Day at Shinra Inc!!
Today (4/11/03) I told this strange tale to a friend on AIM. It was just
a spur of the moment thing that I did to be funny.
However, I loved my story telling and decided to put it on my site because I liked it sooo much!!
Enjoy!
Note: This story is meant to be funny, and not to be taken seriously.
Some situations are satires on certain movies.
Hojo: At last! I got my very own red dog thing!!!
Hojo: I'm calling you Red XIII
Red XIII: HOORAYYY
Scarlet: HOJO! Have you been messing with the coffee in the staff room!?
Hojo: errr.....no, i mean, i might of, but this is for science! ha ha ha
Red XIII: WOW! I love your make up dah-ling! you just GOT to show me how you did your eyes!
Scarlet: *nervous laugh* yeah right
Hojo: like the bar cage Red?
Red XIII: It needs a bit more decorating. and oh! this should have a nice motif to it....
Scarlet: *drops a pen* oh...
Hojo: i'll get it for you. a proper gentleman should anyway.
Hojo goes to pick up pen
Red XII: *sticks his paw out and touchs him* wow!
Hojo: !!!!!!
Scarlet: O_O;
Red XIII: Ya know, I have a crush on you Hojo! *makes kissing sounds*
Hojo: thats it! i'm preforming countless evil torture experiments on you
Scarlet: and i'm using you as a live crash dummy
Heidegger: I'm gonna use you as a punch bag! gyaaa haa haa
Scarlet: Quit following me, Heidegger!!!!
Heidegger: you are cute
Scarlet: Ewww!!!
Red XIII: I have a crush on you Heidegger
Heidegger: sorry, i'm into girls. well only one girl. i like to stalk her *points to Scarlet*
Scarlet: get away from me! *slaps him*
*Fat Mr. Shinra waddles in*
Fat Mr. Shinra: Hey
Scarlet: *mutters* its a mystery to why you have a gym here in this building when you don't set foot in it.
Fat Mr. Shinra: Thats harsh
Scarlet: go away. where is Rufus?
Fat Mr. Shinra: Sent him to Junon. don't want him meddling with you. I want YOU for my new toy!
Scarlet: O_O ahh! get the hell away from me! you are a 60 yr old freak! (i'm only 34 you pervert.)
Rufus: Think you can send me away, old man?
Fat Mr. Shinra: err, no
Rufus: Good Answer. now do us all a favor and go back to your office
Fat Mr. Shinra: I'm gonna look at PORN
Fat Mr. Shinra: *waddles off*
Fat Mr. Shinra: *yelling from his office floor * F****** windows 98!!!!!!!
Red XIII: *sticks his hand out and touchs Rufus*
Rufus: eh! get away from me you discusting freak
Red XIII: I hav e a crush on you
Rufus: YOU LITTLE SON OF A! I oughta KILL---
Reeve: don't hurt him!
Scarlet Rufus Hojo: *sigh* not him!
Reeve: poor puppy. he's just a little puppy. does the puppy want a bone? *offeres him a dog bone*
Red XIII: Puppy wants your daddy's sweet ass!
Reeve: *blinks* what did puppy say to me?
Red XIII: Puppy wants your daddy's sweet ass.
Reeve: YOU DONT KNOW MY FATHER, YOU DON'T BE TALKING ABOUT MY FATHER *hands a box of animal crackers to Rufus* YA'LL HOLD THIS!! I'M SETTLING THIS MAN TO MAN!
(Parody of Parrot Scene In Scary Movie 2)
Reeve: Now this is against my beliefs, but, *pulls out a letter opener and stabs Red XIII*
Scarlet: idiot
Rufus: do it right and kill him with THIS! *pulls a small grenade out of his jacket and tosses it to Reeve*
Reeve: *pulls the pin* this is for saying stuff about my father! this is for being mean to me! this is for all those poor Cait Sith's you abused in your life! ALL cats are named Cait Sith to me! I hope you have a grave and ya'll have it picked out, because i'm goinna let you have it! you are a ......*grenade blows up and Reeve dies*
Scarlet: Its your turn to revive him today
Rufus: we always have to revive this idiot. he dies everyday
Shinra SOLDIER: OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED REEVE!
Shinra Commander: *points at grenade shell* YOU BASTARD!
Reeve: wow! i went to the other side, and you were there, and you and you.
Fat Mr. Shinra: *yells from upstairs* f****** windows 98!!! REEVE get in here!
Fat Mr Shinra: you told me windows 98 would be faster and more effiecent with better connection to the Internet!
Reeve: It is faster, over 5 million *gets shot*
(South Park Movie Parody)
Rufus: YOU IDIOT!
Scarlet: guess its my turn.
Shinra SOLDIER: oh my god! you killed Reeve!
Shina Commander: you bastard!
Reeve: I'm back! I had the most wonderful dream! I dremt Scarlet had a crush for ME!
Scarlet: O_O;
Fat Mr. Shinra: I dream of Scarlet in pornogra
Scarlet: slaps him
Fat Mr. Shinra: Scarlet! what was that for?
Scarlet: FOR BEING A PERVERT! *throws a stapler at him*
Fat Mr. Shinra: waaah. i want my agent! i want my mommy!
Rufus: She's been 6 feet down uder for years now
Fat Mr. Shinra: Err, she's in Australia?
Rufus: *slaps forehead* no you idiot! my sick minded grandmother DIED stupid.
Scarlet: she�s a freak like you, Shinra!
Reeve: thats not very nice, you sholdn't make rash generalzations about others now
Rufus: Shut up! *hits Reeve*
Rufus: I am the first person in my generation to not be a pervert
Fat Mr. Shinra: that is not something to be proud of. i've only been trying to get you into porn since you were 18
Fat Mr. Shinra: how old are you? 25? 27?
Rufus: I'm 32, dad! And I�ll always reject your porn
Fat Mr. Shinra: you are? seems only yesterday i was.......wait! scratch that thought, i never did anything for you when you were little.
Rufus: whatever
Reeve: *reads a magazine called Cat Digest*
Reeve: I love cats. especially black and white cats. you guys want to see my children?
Reeve: *pulls out wallet*
Reeve: this is Cait Sith. he's 5 years old
Reeve: this is Cait Sith. he's 12 years old.
Reeve: this is Cait Sith, 1 yr old
Reeve: this is Cait Sith, 10 weeks old
Reeve: this is my new little baby! he's only 4 weeks old! my little guy!
Rufus: You named them ALL Cait Sith?!
Reeve: its the only name i could think of. the most purty of all names. i have 15 cats. all of them named Cait Sith
(Parody of Forrest Gump and his 15 shrimping boats all called Jenny)
Reeve: *plays the Vamo'Alla Flamenco Zidane fight music*
come dance the Valla' Alla Flamenco with me!
Scarlet: Fine
Scarlet: *pulls Rufus closer to her* lets dance
Reeve: Nooooo i ment.........waaah
Rufus: *smiles smugly* go dance with your Cait Sith
Reeve: FINE I WILL!
*Reeves Cait Sith comes in*
Reeve: this is my 12 yr old Cait Sith. I taught him to dance the Vamo'Alla Flamenco!
Reeve: Oh yeah! *dances with the Cait Sith*
Reeve: too bad i don't have a rythem. but my Cait Sith does!
Rufus: come on Scarlet, lets get out of here.
Fat Mr. Shinra: NOOOO Scarlet! You are the one I want to go away with forevvver
Scarlet: Back off pervert or i'm gonna pull out knives.
Fat Mr. Shinra: No you won't
Scarlet: *pulls out hand to hand fighting combat knives*
Fat Mr. Shinra: waaaaah! *runs out like a sissy*
Scarlet: *looses her balance and falls* that stupid moron! someone should tell him not to run! he causes major tremors in the ground
Reeve's Radio: we interupt the Valla'Alla Flamenco for a disaster update! a small earthquake just happened. dont worry, no one was hurt. now we return to our regurlary scheduled song
Reeve: my poor Cait Sith! look at him, he's convulsing with fear!
Fat Mr. Shinra: Hello Sephiroth, ,what are you doin in my office?
Sephiroth: DAMN IT! I'm trying to get onto the Internet! F****** Windows 98!
Fat Mr. Shinra: I'm sorry, it sucks.
Sephiroth: now i can't check my emails! damn it! i'm [email protected]
Sephiroth: F****** WINDOWS 98~!
Sephiroth: THATS IT! THIS IS YOUR COMPUTER, ITS YOUR FAULT! *kills Fat Mr. Shinra*
Rufus: Oh my god, you killed my fat father!
Scarlet: WHOO-HOO!
Sephiroth: Now i can't access myemails! fucking windows 98!
Rufus: I have Windows XP on mine
Sephiroth: lets use WIndows XP
*go to Rufus' office*
Sephiroth: HOLY CRAP! 150 messages all from CLOUD!
Cloud's Email To Sephy: Heeeeey Sephyyy! its me, CLOUD! OH my GOSH! i'm actually writing to SEPHIROTH! THE Sephiroth! You are myy HEROOO
Sephiroth: *delete*
: Cloud Mail 2: Hey Sephy! I think you are so awesome!
Cloud Mail 3: Hey
Cloud Mail 4: DO you like asaparagus
Cloud mail 5: hey! check out my awesome website dedicated to you! its http://www.ilovesephiroth.com
Sephiroth: *highlights all the Email and deletes it all*
Cloud's Site: Hi! welcome to my site! i love Sephiroth! he's my hero! I love his clothes! i wanna be JUST LIKE HIM when I grow up! i hope to be tall like him
Sephiroth: thats it! *flames his guestbook*
Sephiroth: now to send him an email virus
Cloud: *at his ramshakle crappy shack using Windows 98*
Cloud: Heyyyy! Look! Sephiroth sent me some mail at [email protected] *clicks it*
Cloud: huh?! whats this!
Computer Monitor: Congradulations. You just got the Ultima Virus. Ultima Virus can never be fixed and you only hope is to get a whole new system.
*Computer crashes and blows up*
Cloud: waah! i couldn't read it all! I knew I should of taken that course of Hooked on Phonics!!!
*back at Shinra*
Rufus: Feels nice to be President! |
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