3: Counsel Meeting
I sat quietly throughout the meeting. No one will say Luc's name, but I can see through the veiled words and I know they are speaking about him.
And, for some reason, no one says anything to me for keeping silent. Olia, Hikami, Gavelle, Heizan, Dana, Ket, Hazel, Teodor, Ihzak, Tjasse, and myself. Everything they are saying seems exceedingly boring.
Olia calls for a vote on a topic and when I do not raise my hand either way, but simply sit, Dana nudges me, "Are you feeling unwell, Bishop Sasarai?"
I shake my head slowly and Dana produces a weak smile. I don't understand how they can continue on like this. They are conquerors, oppressors, creators of secrets. How much they ever knew I cannot tell. And I used to trust them. "I'm sorry, but I cannot trust your flowery words any longer. Please understand that I have met the wider world and I cannot go back to the smaller hidden universe of the Temple," I think sadly, wishing I could give them this message. The response, I fear, would be harsh. I would recant, "No, I'm sorry," and suffer another loss.
And continuing to observe their deliberation: over large things- our situation with the People's Faction- over small things- can we petition His Holiness, Lord Hikusaak, to shorten our workday? I realize what lets them move on while I cannot- they all are human. Their faces are as varied as the clouds.
Their meeting concluded Ket removes his hat and fusses with his hair. They wander out at different paces. Olia's speedy, regal step, Heizan's measured stride, tiny child-like Dana reaches for Ihzak's, called Sakurazaki, hand. In my youth they were mysterious under their robes and cloaks and hats...and now I know them all. I'm not sure that they care.
They leave me at this round table in my chair. Equal around the table, but really not equal at all. "I have to do things," I tell myself, "To change this- to fix what I see!" What injustices! ...To fight for a cause...that would be something...
In the quiet it fades like a dream.