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| CHAPTER 1: SARIO RIP It was a typical morning in Tokyo-3. The bees were buzzing, the birds were chirping and Shinji was late for school. Again. Or rather, Shinji, Asuka, Touji and Aida were running late. Literally. They were running like mad dogs to get to school before the bell. Again. �Anata Baka! (stupid idiot!)� chastised Asuka. �If you had remembered to turn on your alarm clock before you went to bed last night instead of listening to that stupid walkman of yours, we wouldn�t be in this mess!� she spit out as they sped past a junction. �Oh, and its my fault, right? What about your alarm clock?� Shinji shot back defensively. �Shut up and run!� Touji yelled � Are you saying I sleep like a pig?!?� the warning tone in Asuka�s voice increased dramatically. Unfortunately, Shinji was too flustered to notice the danger he was putting himself into. Even if it was flashing in bright red neon letters. �Well its not my fault that you set all the clocks in the entire house back by a whole hour while you were sleepwalking last night.� Toji and Aida froze. Toji and Aida sweatdropped. As one man, they took cover behind the relative safety of a dustbin. � S H I N J I I I I I I I ! ! ! ! ! !� It was with great difficulty that Toji and Aida finally managed to pull Asuka off Shinji long enough to stop her clobbering him to a pulp. �Let me go!� she screamed hysterically. �I�m gonna teach that baka a lesson. No one and I said NO ONE messes with Asuka Langley and LIVES! I�ll pull out his nails! I�ll dig out his eyes! I�ll kick his PATHETIC BUTT RIGHT INTO NEXT WEDNESDAY!!!� Toji heaved a huge sigh of relief. �At least she�s not gonna - oh. Oops. I forgot. Author: This is a wholesome fan fic, Touji and I will NOT have you polluting this fic. Toji: Sorry Author: After all, you�re all jus fourteen! You shouldn�t even be thinking such thoughts! Toji: I said I�m sorry! What else do you want? AUTHOR: Okay, okay. Lets compromise. You just say what you want to and I�ll edit it. That way we won�t have to go through any of that censoring nonsense. Deal? Toji: Deal! Touji heaved a huge sigh of relief. � At least she�s not gonna do anything to your you -know-what.� He finished. �You know, what she did in another fanfic? God, I pity the Angel. Godsend 77 is too much, giving Asuka free reign like that.� The boys thought about what he said. The boys froze. The boys sweatdropped But unfortunately for us, their reverie was cut short (no pun intended) by a piercing siren, a siren that the Tokyo-3 inhabitants knew all too well- the warning of an Angel attack. �Ah. Saved by the siren�, Aida gave a sigh of relief. �So there is a God then.� * * * * * * * * * Elsewhere, in a different reality�. Gandalf paced about nervously. The ring had been found. Oh, he had hoped� all these years� but no. There was no room for wishful thinking. Now was the time to act. The wizard gave a huge, sad sigh. He couldn�t trust anybody with the ring. Not even himself. �Especially not yourself�, a voice in his head added emphatically. �You with all your knowledge and power. You know that you must never expose yourself to the temptation.� It was a whiny, nagging sort of voice. For all we know, it reminded the poor fellow of his mother. He sighed. �Okay,� he said aloud and pulled himself together. �Close your eyes. Just close your eyes. Thatsa-goo- wizzard. Close your eyes and pinch yourself. Perhaps this is just a dream and you�ll wake up. He closed his eyes. He pinched himself. �OUCH!� Presently he opened his eyes. �Tough luck old man,� he muttered under his breath as he gazed mournfully at the ring on the floor. I suppose I�ll have to get that li�ll bugger Frodo to help. * * * * * ** In no time at all, Shinji Ikari, Asuka Langley, Touji Suzuhara and Rei Ayanami were gathered at NERV headquarters, awaiting further orders. The Four Children bore the weight of the entire world on their young shoulders. For only they possessed the power and skill to pilot the Evangelions, mankind�s� final line of defense against the Angels of doom. �Its an Angel attack.� Misato stated the obvious. The term �Angel� was actually a code name, used to describe this new enemy- their source and intention was a complete mystery to the people of earth. Out of the blue, the people found they were being attacked by a new, seemingly invincible foe. Sexy and fun loving with a happy-go-lucky attitude, Misato was also Shinji�s guardian at NERV. Now, however, all traces of bubblyness had dissolved and in its place stood Major Katsuragi-strong, serious and confident. However, as the official briefing came to an end, her features softened and some of that reckless, guang ho attitude returned. She smiled encouragingly at the Children. �Now go out there and kick some Angel butt!� * * * * * * * Again and again, the words echoed through his head. �You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring� Frodo looked up. He saw before him every member of the Fellowship. There was a representative from all the major peoples of Middle Earth. Strider, the blue-eyed Ranger. Oh so noble, so princely. �So shakespeare,� Frodo thought. Bromir, the charming tragic hero. Or was the term �byronic hero�? He sighed as he thought of all his undone literature assignments. Oh well, too late for that now. Legolas, the elf. Frodo didn�t really know what to think of Legolas. To be sure, girls tended to go all starry-eyed in his presence and all, but Frodo wasn�t a girl. Anyway, that�s elves for you. Always beautiful, always breathtaking, forever picture-perfect. Frodo looked at him. �Just as I suspected. Not a hair out of place.� He looked down on himself. �What a difference,� he muttered. Gazing at the perfect figure before him, Frodo suddenly felt very small. But the worst bit about him, or at least, the worst bit about him in Frodo�s opinion was the gulf. Even at the best of times, Legolas was distant. It was very unnerving. At least, it was to Frodo. His eyes fell on WHATZIZNAME, the dwarf, and the li�ll bugger hid a smile. All that delightful spunk packed into so small a frame� Frodo couldn�t help it. There was something aggravating yet endearing about WHATZISNAME�s guang-ho attitude that made Frodo want to laugh. And Gandalf. �What would I ever do without him,� Frodo thought fondly as he gazed up at his mentor. He was the true leader for this expedition, and with his boundless knowledge, they would surely be relatively safe from harm. Then his face clouded over as a dark thought bubbled up from the inner recess of his mind �Of course, if not for him, I�ll never be stuck in this hellish mission in the first place.� * * * * * * * * B*O*O*M A ground shaking explosion ripped through the earth. The aftershock was enough to blow the Evas off their feet, landing them in an ever-widening radius of each other. Shinji looked around him. In the distance, he could see three crumpled heaps-his friends. His screen flickered with Misato�s image. �RETREAT! You only have thirty seconds of stored power left. You need to regroup and recharge. Retreat. I repeat, retreat!� Shinji nodded in mute resignation. He knew Misato was right. But not Asuka. Supported by a will of iron, she forced her Eva to its feet. Even from his cockpit, Shinji could see that the damage sustained by Asuka�s unit 02 was by far the most critical of the four. It�s arms were no more than burnt stubble, torn away at its sockets and the upper torso was a molten mess where a particle beam had torn through it. �How can she stand it?� Shinji wondered. For an Eva to function, a nerve connection had to be established between the unit and the pilot. In layman�s terms, Asuka was feeling every bit of the damage being inflicted on her Eva. �Misato never ordered her nerve connection to be severed. How does she stand it? How does Asuka bear the pain? He saw unit 02 turn to face the angel, and in that horrible instant, Shinji knew what she was doing to do. After all, it was so typical of Asuka. Kamikaze. He could have kicked himself for not thinking of it sooner. Kamikaze. And now it was too late. Kamikaze. Kamikaze. �Asuka! ASUKA!!� he heard Misato call over the screen. �Asuka STOP! Stop, do you hear? Asuka? Asuka! OH GOD STOP! Asuka!!! ASUKA!!!� But it was of no use. Screaming defiance, she charged. Time slowed to a crawl� Like a puppet drawn by its strings, Shinji�s Eva rose. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Toji and Ayanami do the same. It was already too late to stop her, but they were determined to help her. As one body, they charged. * * * * * * * * * Misato looked on tersely as the Evas attacked. She turned to the video monitor. �Activate your AT field on three,� she commanded and feverently prayed for the safety of her beloved pilots. Her hand tightened its grip on the back arch of her empty chair as she braced herself for the impact. �THREE!� The combined strength was not able to neutralize the Angel�s as she had hoped. They weren�t even able to pierce it. There wasn�t even the mandatory explosion. Instead, to her horror, the Evas dissipated into nothingness as a white light filled the screen. A wave of numbness washed over her as she crumpled into her swivel chair. All around her, other NERV personell burst into a flurry of activity. Let the others rush around. Misato didn�t even have the strength to stand. She could actually feel herself trembling. As she gazed on in shock, a word involuntarily escaped her lips. �Shinji-kun�� * * * * * * * * The fellowship had traveled for days with little food, water and sleep, and a general state of lethargy had passed over the gang as they pushed their way through the mountain passes, waist-deep in snow. �All except the Elf�, Bromir thought sullenly as he struggled to keep up with his mind-numbing ego. As if on cue, Legolas, who had been in the lead, spun round. SAYS SOMETHING It was true indeed. While the others labored away, Legolas bounded ahead effortlessly, his feet barely touching the snow. However, Fate (and in this case, the author) is not without a sense of irony. Legolas had barely taken ten steps when an object came hurtling out of the sky and crashed straight into our hero, burying him deep in the snow. Everyone freezes, dumbstruck. Gandalf blinks in disbelief. DWARF, however, is quick to recover. �Ay, light as a feather, isn�t he.� DWARF guffaws. For a moment, all is deadly still. Then with startling suddenness, the hobbits burst into hilarious bouts of laughter. Even Strider can�t help but hide a smile. * * * * * * * * * A groan is heard from the hole in the snow. From where they stand, they can see a shaky hand emerge. Legolas. �Its okay!� he croaks. �I�m alright! Nobody worry about me! I�m perfectly fine! OOOH look! Little yellow birdies. Why do I see birdies round my head? Round and round�round and round�. * * * * * * * * * �Sario rip? SARIO RIP?!?� Misato blew up in Dr Ritsuko Akagi�s face. �I thought those died off with the ANIMORPHS! And you stand there in your manicured nails and diamond earrings KAJI, my Kaji, my ex-boyfriend, bought you and you have the gall to just stand there doing nothing and tell me my pilots got tangled in a goddamn sario rip from a bloody piece of childrens� fiction?!?� AUTHOR: Hey! Its not a goddamn childrens� fiction, Misato. That happens to be one of my favorite series. Misato: Oh shut up. What do you know. AUTHOR: What?!? Why you little p� �Uh, excuse me?� Maya. AUTHOR: WHAT? � What�s a sario rip?� She was a sweet girl, a student of Akagi. Too sweet to be chastised. Oh well� �According to Catherine Applegate through her alien prince, Ax, a sario rip is literally a rip in the space-time continuum. However, in this case, the rip has taken on a new dimension. Its now a space-time-dimension warp. �In English please, Akagi� �Your pilots are trapped in another year, another reality, and possibly, another planet.� �Now let me get this straight. So you�re saying that my pilots are trapped in some sort of bogus thing. Back To The Future, DUAL and Star-Trek all rolled into one.� �Precisely� �Oh brother�� * * * * * * * * * * Gandalf looked despairingly at the bemused gang and rolls his eyes. He takes a few steps and tentatively peers into the hole. So does everyone else. To their utmost surprise, (and to bromir�s delight), there sprawled across Legolas (presumably in a sexy pose) was the motionless figure of a young girl. �Is she dead?� �No, dummy� �Well how can you be so sure?� �Her chest is moving. What?! I�m just making sure she�s breathing!� �Pervert!� �Oooh. Blue hair!� �Round and round and round and round�� �Is she alright?� �Is anyone at all concerned about Legolas?� �Tweet tweet�tweettweettweettweettweet� �She�s beautiful� �Is she an Elf?� �Maybe that�s why she landed on him� �Makes sense� �Hahahaha� �Roundandroundandroundand�� Gandalf sighed. This was going to be a looooonngg journey. END OF CHAPTER 1 So that was it. I hope I didn�t offend any sensitivities while writing. Any offence is not intended. The next chapter is called THE MERGER. Predictably, in THE MERGER, the main characters for both EVANGELION and LORD OF THE RINGS will find themselves thrown into a mess of (hopefully) hilarious, ridiculous, out if this world scenarios as they are forced to work together. In the subsequent chapters, I hope to pair AYANAMI (Miss Desirable of EVANGELION) up with LEGOLAS (Mr. To-Die-For of LORD OF THE RINGS) and thus have the main storyline resolve around them. Unfortunately, I have absolutely NO IDEA how I�m gonna pull it off without compromising either of their true character too much - its sooo difficult! But anyway thanx for reading, hope you enjoyed yourself and pls. Feel free to email me with any comments or suggestion at: [email protected] Till next time! |
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