| As Legolas confided in Gimli, the li'll bugger's eyes twinkled mischievously. "By the Gods, don't tell me you've never had wet dreams before?" "Huh? Wet? As in raining?" Gimli burst out laughing. "You're okay lad. There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. Bit I'd say you need a lesson in sex education-A FEW HUNDRED YEARS TOO LATE!" he guffaws, half rolling on the ground and wiping away tears. At that, the bushes behind them parted and Touji's head appears. "Did somebody say 'sex education'? " * * * * * * * * "YOU WHAT YOUR WHAT INTO HER WHAT?!?" Legolas gasps, horrified. "And then you what? You PEE in her?!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!!?!! Oh ye GODS!!! You people are SO SICK! He slams his hand to his mouth. "Ooohhhhh�."he groans. "I really gotta throw up�" "Grow up, ya big baby! You've gone as green as a leaf!" "Thus the name! You know��green�leaf�..thingie�? Oh never mind" Touji gave up and entertained himself watching the aforesaid elf duck behind a bush. As if Gimli would get the joke. And not like it was a particularly good joke too. It was like explaining satire to someone who thought that irony was a sort of metal. Just then, they heard Boromir call. "Legolas! Gimli, Touji! Where are you!!! Get your butts down here NOW or we're all leaving without you!" Touji shoots Gimli a mischievous look. "Last one there's a rotten egg?" "Nah. Last one there's a retching Elf, and I can bet you on that!" he laughs back. "Hmmm. Good point." Touji agrees and make a big show of ribbing his chin. They look at each other for a minute, then tore off back to camp leaving poor old Legolas far behind. * * * * * * * In half an hour, they were packed, strapped and ready to row. Although of course, they first had to pull the hobbits away from the campfire long enough to hide their pots and pans, not to mention their provisions. Since the lady could only spare 3 boats, the fellowship had divided themselves into groups of four. Aragorn, Sam, Frodo and Shinji were in, say, Boat A, Boromir, Marry, Pippin and Touji were happily in Boat B and by divine authorial intervention, Legolas, Gimli and Ayanami were in Boat C. unfortunately, so was Asuka. Asuka: HEY! I THOUGHT WE HAD AN AGREEMENT!!! Author: YEAH, WELL SO DID I! I JUST DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT MY HAVING TO STOP CUSSING YOU!!! Asuka: WELL DOOM ON YOU! Author : LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY WATCHED ICE AGE DODOS! Asuka: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A DODO! Author: NO, BUT I CAN IF YOU LIKE! NOW SHUT UP OR I'LL MAKE YOU FALL OVERBOARD! Asuka: I CAN SWIM, YOU KNOW. I'M NNOT AS PATHETIC AS WONDERGIRL HERE! Ayanami: I can swim. Asuka : WELL YOU NEARLY DROWNED IN CHAPTER 2 Ayanami: it was the author's will. Author: DAMN RIGHT! IT WAS MY WILL!!! Asuka: Really? Well, that just proves my theory that you two are pathetic. (sighs dramatically) Just lay off Aragorn. Aragorn's mine. Author: he's been taken, baby. Asuka: Well Boromir then. Author: Boromir dies. Asuka: ARRRRGGHHHH!!! Its no fair! I want my Kaji-san! Author: too bad, girl. He's too busy fucking Misato to care. Asuka: But�but�.but�.. Author: (Imitating a game show host.) And that's all the time we have for now, folks. But be sure to tune in next time for another episode of�.Asuka's Angst! Asuka: Damn. * * * * * * * * Towards the end of their watery voyage(hehe), Asuka needed a toilet stop, bad. And since their boat was way ahead of the other two, the four of them pulled over and jumped out. After awhile, Gimli wondered off to find something to assassinate Time with. After all, who wanted to just kill time? That was so passe. Gimli bore the notion that if you were going to do it, you might as well do it with class. Left alone, an awkward silence passed over Legolas and Ayanami. As Asuka had noted, these two were NOT known for their verbal powers. Interestingly, this time it was Ayanami who started the conversation. "How old are you?" "Huh?" the question knocked him over for a few seconds. "I asked how old you were." She replied, honestly thinking that he had not heard her. "I'm�er�" he stammers uncomfortably. If it's rude to ask a human his age outright, why isn't it rude to ask an elf? After all, they're all so old in human terms. But Ayanami just stares on, not noticing his discomfort. "I have heard that your race lives for a long time. Much longer than us." "Well, I guess so. If that's the case, lets just say I'm pretty young for an elf but pretty old for a human." Ayanami nods. "So you've been around for a long time." "Yes." "And you've seen and learnt many things." "I guess." "More than me, I grant." "I suppose so." "What is love?" "Huh?" "I do not know. I am only fourteen." "And I am only a few hundreds of years older. But I do not know too." "Who can I ask?" "Well. Obviously you can ask anybody. Getting the answer out of them is the difficult bit." There is a long pause as they both ran out of things to say. <20 MINUTES LATER> "Why do you ask?" "About what?" "About love." "Oh." "Well?" "Well what?" "Why did you ask?" "Why do you want to know?" <ANOTHER 20 MINUTES LATER> "I need to know." Ayanami. "Know what?" "About�." "That?" "Yes." <AFTER 3 MINUTES OF CAREFUL PLANNING> "How do you tell what love is? So many people claim to be in love when they do not know its true meaning. But I do not know its true meaning. Does that then mean that I am incapable of loving?" "Don't be silly. Nobody can define love. It's too�hard. I guess it's different for everybody. But just because you don't know the meaning of the word 'depressed', doesn't mean you wont suffer bouts of depression. And just because you don't know the meaning of the word 'love' doesn't mean you cant fall in live�oh" Legolas eyes Ayanami suspiciously. "Are you saying that you think you are in love with� somebody?" "I do not know. That I feel some sort of physical attraction for him is clear. But I do not know if that is where it ends. This is all new to me. I like to look at his face, and I think I like it when he looks at me. But every time he does, my face gets hot and I feel something like dread. Why? Why dread? He does not wish to harm me. When he is near, my heart beats faster. It is almost as if I were piloting my Eva, but I am not. I am not undergoing any sort of physical exertion. I do not understand it. And�" she trailed off. "And what?" "What?" "You didn't complete your story." "I apologize. But Misato had talked to me some time ago about something called taboo. Apparently, it is unwise and disrespectful to voice out everything one thinks, and that some thoughts should be kept to oneself. I do not know if what I'm about to say falls into that category, but I strongly suspect it does. "Its okay. You can tell me. I don't care about that taboo nonsense." "Every time I am near you, my body undergoes some sort of physical reaction. It is interesting really. That has never happened before. Legolas pales. He had a very disturbing mental picture of tadpoles doing the backstroke. "ah�.m.mm.me? um�er�.reaction?" "Yes", she replied, looking straight at him in that unnerving way of hers. "My vagina gets wet." * * * * * * * * A blood-curdling scream pierces the still forest, knocking the leaves out off the trees and the birds out of the air. Some put it down to the presence of a banshee in the area. Others brushed it off as Saruman's dark forces. Nobody would have guessed it was Legolas. Author: hehe END OF CHAPTER 4 Click the back button to go back to the fiction page |
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