Wonderful
song by: everclear
fic by: goddess of death

       Relena waved to her friends, smiling and laughing as she entered her limo. Pargan greeted her, which she cheerfully replied to, before rolling up the windows between them.
       As the window slowly started to hide Relena from view, the darkness came back.
       The blonde sat there, staring forward into nothingness with narrowed eyes, a frown on her face.
       The usually cheerful diplomat felt depression wash over her like a tidal wave, washing away all the supposed "happiness" she had possessed just a few moments ago.
       She knew she shouldn't torture herself, shouldn't wish such things, but she closed her eyes and wished for a better life. A normal life. A wonderful life.
       Yes, that's what she wished for.
       "Wonderful..."she whispered, imagining a perfect life with a family and brothers and sisters. Pets and a nice little cottage.
       If only...

{Coz when it gets too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad}

       She counted to ten, hopelessly hoping she would wake up in her bed, and Mr. Dorlian would come and pick her up. They would twirl around, and she would wave to her posters and pictures from the old 20th century movies.
       They would then have a wonderful picnic and a wonderful day of spending time together, the whole wonderful family.
       Relena opened her eyes, once again seeing the interior of the disgusting pink limo. But she couldn't complain about it. She had to be wonderful, and she wouldn't be if she said anything rude like that.

{I close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope its over when I open them
I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again}

       Relena reached the mansion, sighing. She would probably get a half hour of rest before going to her daily meetings. All those men disgusted her. They were bloodthirsty, not to mention unreasonable and stubborn as mules.
       As Dorothy said, she would be wonderful. For her people. Nothing less would be acceptable.
       She laughed bitterly. Ever since she became this empty shell called a Vice  Foreign Minister they said she was brilliant. Strong. Wonderful.
       She remembered Mr. and Mrs. Dorlian fighting one night, and had stayed up to listen. They always fought then.
       She always shed tears when they fought, she didn't like fighting. They fought over everything.
       She would then run to her room and slam the door so they knew she was listening. They always thought she didn't mean to do it. She purposely slammed the door to get their attention, to stop their bickering.
       Relena would close her eyes and smile as she imagined little angels and cherubs flying around on clouds as the husband and wife would tell her everything was wonderful. When in truth it wasn't. Nothing was. And it never would be for her.


{I hope my Mom
And I hope my Dad
Would figure out why they get so mad
I hear them scream
I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry
I close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels that make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say everything will be wonderful some day}

       Relena remembered the first fall of the Cinq Kingdom. It was funny; everyone thought she didn't know. She remembered Dorlian taking her away, remembered the soldiers, remembered everything with extreme clarity to this day.
       But she wouldn't admit it.
       She remembered Dorlian telling her everything would be wonderful as they drove away. She had believed him, and threw out her old life, trying to live a new one.
       As Dorlian cried, he kept telling her everything would be wonderful. She wanted to believe it. To live a normal life.
       But the cards she was dealt with weren't the ones she wanted.

{Promises mean everything
When you're little and the world so big
I just don't understand
how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes
and tell me everything is wonderful now }

       Dorlian raised her hopes. If he hadn't said that maybe she wouldn't have been so hurt when he died. She died that day too, though she wasn't hurt physically.
       Everyone told her everything would be ok, she would be ok. What liars. They were just kissing her ass to get some of the money she received from her deceased father.

{Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now}

       Heero.
       The blonde smiled.
       Everyone thought she loved him. It was pitiful. They thought she stalked him because she was some lovesick fool.
       She didn't love him. She didn't even like him. He was just a chance to escape, to try and feed a black hole in her soul.
       She couldn't love; love had killed her too many times. Her family, her other family, her friends, so many others. Love was a disease you catch, and is deadly. She would avoid it at all costs.
       She didn't need love to run the world, only a pretty smile and speech would do.
School was the only time she enjoyed life. Her friends sometimes got suspicious, so she just laughed a lot and they shrugged it off.
       When the bell rings, she always wishes it was only for lunch. The bell meant hell for her.
       It meant she had to go home.

(I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all ok
I laugh a lot so my friends won't know
When the bell rings that I just don't wanna go }

       The limo pulled into the gravel driveway and Relena jumped out, walking into the house. She waved off Zechs and Noin, not in the mood for a peptalk.
       They never worked anyway.
       She walked up the stairs and into her room. She tossed the teddy bear everyone thought she cherished on the floor, it had played it's part in hiding her real feelings for the day.
       The blonde closed her eyes and imagined that dreamworld she loved so much.  The one where everything -was- wonderful.
       "Relena?" she hears her brother say on the other side of her door.
The diplomat quickly grabbed her teddy bear and forced fake tears to appear in her eyes.
       "C-come i-in,"she stuttered.
       The pale blonde man walked in, and, seeing the state she was in, walked over and hugged her.
       "It's ok, everything is gonna be wonderful, he'll come around. You'll understand one day why he took so long," he said soothingly.
       When she calmed down he left her alone to think, and she wiped the fake tears from her eyes and threw the teddy bear back on the floor.

{I go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful some day }

       The girl got up and washed her face, throwing on a suit and putting her hair up.
       The seventeen year old then heard her brother's words echo in her mind.
       It's ok, everything is gonna be wonderful, he'll come around.
       She sneered, and threw her brush onto the sink.
       He didn't even notice the deadness in her eyes.

{Promises mean everything
When you're little and the world so big
I just don't understand
how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes
and tell me everything is wonderful now }

       She looked around her fancy room, noticing all the flowers and vases and lamps.
       Relena walked over to a table and picked up the lamp from it. It was a beautifully carved lamp with angels on it.
       She lifted it up higher. The diplomat felt the need to release her anger. Her anger at the world. This violent, bloodthirsty world.
       She was tired of the pointless lies. Nothing would be -wonderful-.
       There was no wonderful. Never was.
       The jaded princess threw the lamp across the room, smirking as it shattered.  She felt adrenaline rush threw her veins.
       All the lies. Their meaning was destroyed with that lamp. She picked up a vase and lifted it above her head.

{No no no no
I don�t want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now }

       Her rage was taken out on everything in the room. Her calm, cool composure was left behind as she screamed and ranted, and she ignored the part of her mind that yelled for control.
       you'll understand one day.
       "Understand?" she asked in a rising voice, throwing everything,"I'll NEVER understand this pitiful world! I hope they burn in their mistakes!"

{No no no no
I don�t want to hear you say that I will understand some day
No no no no
I don�t want to hear you say that you both have grown in a different way
No no no no}

       She threw more and more, laughing as she felt it fan the rage she felt.
       Her brother had offered to find her some friend of his to meet and date so she could start anew.
       She didn't want to start anew. She wanted to live in misery because she was destined to.

{ I don�t want to meet your friend
And I don�t want to start over again }

       She just wanted her old life back, her happy life. What was so bad about that?  Why was she cursed? Why did all these other people get peace when she was trapped in a war. She hated everyone for everything. They did this to her, because they were selfish. They sucked away her life, claiming it was for peace. They just liked killing her day by day.

{I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything }

       "DON'T TELL ME EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL! IT WILL -NEVER- BE WONDERFUL, DAMN IT! NEVER!" she yelled, pushing the table over. She then ripped the sheets off her bed and threw them to the fire.

{Please don�t tell me everything is wonderful now�
Please don�t tell me everything is wonderful now ..
Please don�t tell me everything is wonderful now .. }

       She didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to hear their bull shit lies.
       "Just leave me in my damn misery, it's better than your world,"she whispered coldly, staring at the fire as it roared.

{I don�t want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now��

Please don�t tell me everything is wonderful��. }

       Suddenly she realized it had been a half hour. She looked around at the mess before quickly gathering the mess in a sheet that was in the closet and tying it shut.
It was then tossed into the closet and left.
       The blonde straightened her coat, smoothing out the wrinkles.
       The girl put the teddy bear back on the center of her bed.
       She practiced her dazzling smile, before walking out to go to her meeting.
       "Everything is wonderful,"she told her oblivious brother as she left the mansion.

{Everything is wonderful now��.
Everything is wonderful now��. }