Paint It Black
Song by - The Rolling Stones
Fic by -The Goddess Of Death

     Noin walked down the street clumsily, drunk from the endless number of drinks she had just consumed. Being in a drunken haze, she found, was much better than being sober. At least when she was drunk she was too out of it to notice how people turned their noses up at her and stepped away.
     As she went down the sidewalk, the sun sinking behind her, she noticed a bright red door leading into some girl's clothing store and winced.
     Nothing should be that color.
     It should be black. Raven. Onyx. The perfect color.
     She didn't want to see colors anymore because of everything they stood for. Red for blood. Blue and purple for bruises. Green for the color she turned when touched.   
     She stopped when her vision started tilting and swirling. When she finally managed to focus, she saw a group teenage girls, all dressed in daisy dukes and tank-tops, walking down the sidewalk. They were giggling and checking out guys and just being--
     The Italian woman turned her head to the side so fast she looked like she had just been slapped. Her eyes squeezed shut and her head swam. It looked like her hang over had already arrived. Whoop-dee-do.
     The sight of those girls...darkness had crept once more into her veins, and her hands had twitched with the need for violence. Her mind was so out of control; it wouldn't take much to push her over the edge.
     And he wouldn't like that.

(I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes)

     The girls pranced by her, gossiping in their snotty little voices. Noin continued on five minutes later, feeling more contained. She shook her head to clear it slightly. Okay. Much better.
     She looked to the side at the cars that passed by on the busy street.
     Red, green, blue, white, yellow, purple....she lost count of all the colors.
     *Everything* needed to be black. Black was a beautiful neutral color, neither good nor bad, just floating in between. And that was exactly what she craved to be. Weightless and without worries. Neither positive nor negative, just perfectly in the middle.
     But of course, she wasn't. Which only led her back to the reason she had been in a bar for the last couple of hours. Trying to reach that wondrous state. Sadly, it had cleverly eluded her.
     People saw her, saw the Captain of Victoria Base, a glorious woman in her time, and looked away in shame.
     She felt, and looked like, shit. Her eyes were bloodshot and had bags under them. Her skin was pale and dirty. Her clothes were wrinkled. She looked homeless.
     She was used to it by now. The only problem was that Relena would be home today from a six month long project on L3. The sandy blonde would probably faint at the sight of her.
     Well, Noin thought with a smirk, what does it matter now? I've been like this for months. One more girl shouldn't make a difference.
     Only, damn it, it did.

(I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens ev'ry day)

     Ten minutes later, Noin reached the iron gates leading into the Darlian mansion. She nodded to the man in the guard house, who nodded back. The gates opened. She had about a mile before she reached her own personal hell once more.
     The saddest part was that an angel was unknowingly skipping into it.
     Noin ran a hand through her greasy hair and continued stumbling forward drunkenly, her boots scraping against the cement driveway. It didn't matter. Relena would never be safe. Even if she went to Saturn, she'd still be hurt.
     A pang in her heart surprised her. She had thought that her heart had blackened; that it was no longer of any use.
     Her shrink had said that black was bad. Her world should be bright with happiness. That she should,"Look up and smile."
     Noin had wanted to slap her. How the fuck do you look up when you're repeatedly raped and beaten night and day? Well? How the hell do you look up and smile when you're all alone with no one to turn to but him? I'm only bright when I'm covered in blood.
     Instead she'd forced a smile, nodded, and paid.
     Noin reached a fourth of the mile's point and kept wearily walking. She didn't slow down; it was pointless. The sooner she got there, the sooner it would be over. Like a horrible dentist appointment.

(I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black)

     She looked at the setting sun, it's bright colors shining beautifully. She glared at it; it seemed to mock her, remind her of how she used to be before him.
     Love, happiness...everything in heaven seemed to laugh at her. Where before she'd possessed them in abundance, there now seemed to be an eternal famine of the sweeter emotions when it came to her.

(If I look hard enough into the settin' sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin' comes)

     She remembered the girls, and ran to a neatly cut hedge to throw up. They were so disgusting. Sluts. If she'd had a choice, she would have ripped off their clothes and made them run down the street naked. Then they'd consider wearing such whorish clothing!
     She groaned and stumbled forward, barely catching herself. She was half way there. She didn't need to pass out now. She straightened slowly, her stomach rumbling in objection.
     Noin reflecting briefly about her actions today. The red door, the cars, the girls.
     What had she become?
     What he wanted her to become. He acted like he loved Relena to death, and was overly protective of her. He didn't give a shit about the blonde in real life, it was just a cover to keep anyone from guessing who he truly liked to spend time with.

(I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes)

     The slaps, the hits, punches, and anything else he could do to her, he did. Rape was now a common occurrence. It was like a routine. Get up, brush teeth, bandage wounds, get drunk, come home, get raped and beaten violently...
     Noin remembered the first...time...it had happened, how she had fought and fought and fought. She'd screamed and bitten and cursed him. Eventually she had started crying. And now...now she just accepted it. Like a trained dog.
     The Italian woman knew when he tired of her he'd probably kill her. Or let her put herself out of her misery. Then, he'd move on to another woman....What a nice thought, huh?

(Hmm, hmm, hmm,... )

     The thought of Relena being home scared her. She remembered all of the times they'd spent together, as sisters, as best friends...There would never be anything like that in the future. Only him.
     Noin let a solitary tear fall down her cheek before she wiped it away. She then reached the mansion. She looked up at the glorious thing, with huge pillars and balconies. Marble steps, polished so that they glimmered in the fading light, led up to the huge wooden entrance doors.
     She stared at it for a while. And then she spit on it.
     Noin stomped up to the door, and knocked on it. She rubbed her eyes to make them look as happy as possible, and straightened out her wrinkled clothes, even tucking her shirt in. She brushed the dirt off of her arms and face.
     She looked better, though her eyes and the baggage under them remained. But that could be blamed on heavy work in the Preventers. She smiled. As always, she was too scared to tell anybody about what was going on, and would instead just hide it.
     The door opened, and, instead of the butler, a beautiful sandy blonde stood there. Her eyes widened with happiness and she hurled herself at Noin, hugging her tightly, much to the woman's surprise. She tried not to cry out when the diplomat's arm brushed a sore bruise.
     "Noin, I've missed you so much and I have so much to tell you and oh, it's so wonderful to be home" --the blonde babbled on, not taking a single breath. Noin felt a real smile tug at her mouth. The brightness of the girl touched her. --"and to see you and talk to you and---"
     "That's enough Relena," Heero's voice rang out, and the girl abruptly let go of the purple haired woman, nodding. She was a deep red. She skipped over to Heero and he gathered her into her arms.
     "Well, you look a tired," Relena said, her voice concerned,"would you like to take a nap? We can talk later..." It was obvious that she wanted to talk now, but would suffer and wait.
     Noin nodded and started to step around them. Later. Maybe tonight she would be free of his touch. As she brushed past them, a hand grabbed her arm. She paused.
     "Noin?"
     "Yes?"
     "Sleep well," he said with a friendly smile. "You look a little exhausted. Been having long nights?" 
     She didn't answer. Instead, she started to stumble towards her room, her head still pounding.
     "She seems so sad," Relena whispered. "Something's wrong. Very, very wrong..."
     Heero stared at the retreating woman's back. "You might be right. Maybe, when you're done with your nap, you can ask her."
     "But, I just got home. I really don't need a nap--"
     "You've been on a long flight. And this is a big house. Haven't I been taking care of it for the last couple of months? You're too tired yourself to go running around in it right now."
     She sighed. "I guess you're right." She smiled. "Walk me to my room?"
     "I have a better idea," he said, and with a smile, he swept her into his arms. He carried the giggling blonde all the way to her room. She was so obviously in love with him. He set her on her bed, and tucked her in. He then kissed her forehead. "Sleep well, koi." She smiled at the name. "I'll be back in a few hours."
     Relena nodded, and fell asleep in moments.
     The Japanese boy then walked out of the room and started toward Noin's...to teach her a lesson about staying out too late.

(I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah!)


to be continued...