Nothingness
By~tHe GoDdEsS oF dEaTh

Noin sat on the floor of her bedroom, looking at a welted picture of her dream family.
The picture showed her, Zechs, and Relena together, icecream all over their faces, hugging each other and grinning. She remembered that day, the way she thought all was right in the world.
That was before she knew people like him existed. He came and shattered her dream, her dream of having a wonderful husband, caring sister, and children. He came and stole her spirit, her sanity, her will.
All in one night.
Noin got up and walked over to her nightstand, pulling out a long knife. She remembered what Heero had told her.
"When you're ready to end your pitiful life of a slut, feel free. Just know that I'll move on to someone else, I heard Sally just got back from space."
Noin examined the long blade in her hand, and just out of curiosity, took it to her arm and cut a small cut into the soft skin. Crimson blood dripped from it, and she made a larger cut. Blood poured in a small river down her arm, and she looked on in awe.
Maybe he was lying. Maybe he would be caught. Maybe she could be set free. Maybe...
Maybe, maybe, maybe. That's all it was. *Maybe* he would stop, but would he really want to after seeing what he did to her? *Maybe* he would be caught, but he'd been doing this for months now, and no one had a clue. *Maybe* she would be set free, but would heaven except a suicidal whore like her?
'Damn you Yuy,' she thought in rage,'My life is shattered because of you!'
Noin could kill herself. Atleast she could be away from him. Sally was stronger than she was, and Sally also had Wufei.
What if he doesn't go for Sally? her mind taunted What if he goes for someone like Hilde? Or Catherine? Would you be so cruel as to ruin their young lives because of your selfishness?
But Hilde has Duo, they're best friends! another side of her mind argued And Catherine is Trowa's sister! Surely they could defend them!
Like Zechs defended you?
That one stung what was left of Noin's heart. Like he had defended her.
Noin looked at her wounds and sighed, before going into the bathroom to put something on them.
Heero had her trapped, she couldn't do *anything*.
Noin looked at the broken woman in the mirror. The clean face, neatly arranged hair, nice, clean Preventer's uniform, dead eyes, broken heart, shattered soul, manicured nails.
She then punched the mirror, the shards wedging themselves into her hand, blood pouring down the tanned digits. Noin looked at the broken mirror, before slipping to the floor. She just stared off into space, her navy blue eyes seeing nothing yet seeing everything.
Heero. Blood. Lust. Hate. Pride.
Relena. Ignorance. Love. Innocence. Happiness.
Zechs. Loneliness. Arrogance. Confidence. Obliviousness.
Herself. Emptiness.
A knock came at the door.
"Noin?" Relena's voice came from the other side of the door, and Noin looked down at her hand.
"Hold on a moment!"
She jumped up and pulled out some treezers, pulling out the pieces of glass, wincing at the pain, yet enjoying it. She then put those in the trash, and put her hand under cold water, washing off the blood. The woman hissed as the water stung her wounded hand.
"Noin? What's going on, what's wrong?"
"Nothing! Wait just a minute!"
The Italian woman pulled out some bandages and wrapped them around her hand, before taping it in place and going to her door.
Relena smiled when she saw her friend.
"We have a surprise for you!"
Noin blinked in surprise, before wincing when her bruised hand was taken into Relena's.
"Oh my God! Noin what happened?"
"Nothing! Just an accident! Don't worry about it Relena!"
Suspicion. Confusion. Hurt. Concern. All of those emotions crossed the blonde's face.
"All right then, well, let's go."
Relena took her other hand and led her down the hallway, and over to a staircase. They walked down them, and the young blonde led Noin to the main room.
Noin was about to ask Relena what all the commotion was, when a low voice rang out.
"Noin."
The Italian woman froze, and turned to the side to see her one true love.
"Zechs..."
The blond man gave a small smile and nodded. Noin was almost happy.
Heero had made her nervous around other men, she felt as if she was a blood covered animal, and every man was out to get her. Even Zechs made her feel that way.
"Well, I'll leave you two alone!" Relena chirped, and Noin turned to her, eyes pleading for her to stay. But the girl didn't notice, and skipped out.
"Noin..."
The Italian woman stiffened, and turned back to the man.
"Hai?"
He chuckled.
"You seem so tense. What's wrong?"
"N-Nothing."
Zechs frowned, and took a step toward her. She instinctively took a step back.
"It's not nothing. What's going on? And what happened to your hand?"
"Nothing, ok? Nothing happened!"
Zechs took another few steps forward, and Noin took a few steps back.
"What the hell is going on here? It's me! Zechs!"
He couldn't comprehend the fear in her eyes, the nervous air around her, the tenseness of the room.
"What's going on?" a monotone voice came from behind Noin, and she closed her eyes, waiting for the worst to come.
"Heero? What are you doing here?"
"I live here."
"With my sister."
"Of course. Who else would I live here with? Noin?" a dark chuckle came from the Japanese boy, and the woman felt him pat her shoulder.
"I'll leave you alone now. Have fun."
Then the Japanese boy disappeared. Suddenly she was embraced from behind. Her body went rigid and she cried out in pain as the arms wrapped around her and touched a long gash along her stomach.
"Noin!" Zechs removed his arms and watched in horror as she collapsed to the ground, and curl up into a ball.
"Please...Just get whatever you want to do to me done..." she whispered, her eyes closed, waiting for the incoming pain.
"What?" the blond man kneeled next to her, and tried to make out what was going on.
"Just go, please, just go."
"I won't"
"You will."
"No, I won't. Something's wrong, and I'm going to do--"
"Nothing," Noin stood up, straightening her uniform, an icy tone in her voice,"You will do nothing."
"Why do you think that?"
"Because that's all you've done for quite a while."
Noin turned her back to him and started to walk back to her room.
Cut him off her mind chanted Don't get him involved. He'll get killed. And if he doesn't then he'll break you like Heero. He doesn't care for you. If he did he would've stopped this a long time ago.
"Sayonara Zechs," a solitary tear fell from her eye, and she started to ascend the staircase.
When she was gone, Zechs closed his eyes.
"I left her. And now something's happened. Well, I won't leave Noin. Not again. I'll save you. I promise. Ai shiteru..."
********************************************
Heero sat on her bed, and looked surprised when Noin came into the room alone.
"You two aren't going to fuck?" he asked her, and she shook her head.
Heero smirked, and signaled for her to come closer. When she made it to him he grabbed her hair, and pulled her close.
"Good girl. My own obedient little slut," he whispered, and she did nothing. He crushed his lips to her, and she did nothing. He ripped her clothes off, and she did nothing. He ripped his clothes off, and she did nothing. He entered her roughly, and she did nothing. He abused her body, and she did nothing. He climaxed, and she did nothing. He put his clothes on, and she did nothing. He flicked a penny onto her bare and blood covered stomach, and she did nothing. He left, and she did nothing. Blood from her fresh wounds poured over the sheets she had washed that morning, and she did nothing. Her vision became blurry, and she did nothing.
Heero had shattered her soul again, and she had done nothing.
Before she passed out, she saw them again.
Heero. Blood. Lust. Hate. Pride.
Relena. Ignorance. Love. Innocence. Happiness.
Zechs. Loneliness. Arrogance. Confidence. Obliviousness.
But she now knew she was different. She wasn't empty.
She was nothing.