We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
by sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
till human voices wake us, and we drown.
~ T.S. Eliot
…famous streets have forgotten
where they were going
~ Adrienne Rich
And Wind, I am still crazy. I know there is something larger than the memory of a dispossessed people. We have seen it.
~ Joy Harjo, “Grace”
“I need to know who Thomas Pynchon is and from whence he cometh—and what drugs he’s on.”
~ Rebecca on writer Thomas Pynchon
“T.S. Eliot!”
~ Catch-22; Read the book and you’ll understand. This is one of the most hilarious parts. ^_^
Assent—and you are sane—
Demur—you’re straightaway dangerous—
and handled with a Chain.
~ Emily Dickinson
“You know, I think what we need is a really big shoe.”
~ Iolus from Hercules: the Legendary Journey, on killing a big spider-thing
“What are you reading?”
“Chicken
Soup for the Soul.”
“You should read Tomato Sauce for your Ass. It’s the Italian version.”
~ A movie I caught while flipping channels. I don’t know its name. If anyone knows, please tell me!
Stamp out pay toilets!
~ 60’s button
A room without books is like a body without a soul.
~ Cicero
“You want to write a play about your cat?”
~ My theatre teacher. Don’t ask. Or ask, but expect a long and complicated response.
“It’s a firefly from hell!”
~ Peter Panning, Hook
“Look! It’s a tropical fish and its mate!”
~ Woopi Goldberg upon seeing two ’80’s punkers, Jumpin’ Jack Flash
“Is there any way to get this off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?”
~ Mulder, The X-files
“It’s not that I’m afraid, it’s just that I’d rather be somewhere else.”
~ Tasslehoff Burrfoot, one of the Dragonlance books by Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hickman
“I am Poseidon, KING OF THE SEA!!”
“I am Odysseus…floating on this raft.”
~ Wishbone
“The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle, and the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true, right?”
“Right. But there’s been a change. They broke the chalice from the palace.”
“They…broke the chalice from the palace?”
“And replaced it with a flagon.”
“A flagon.”
“With the figure of a dragon.”
“A flagon with a dragon.”
“Right.”
“But did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle?”
“No! The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon…the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.”
“The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon, the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.”
“Right. Just remember that.”
“Yes, thank you very much.”
~ The Court Jester
Do not fear the winds of adversity. Remember: a kite rises against the wind, rather than with it.
~ I don’t know
“Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there but the best.”
~ Henry Van Dyke
“If people were meant to pop out of bed, we’d all sleep in toasters.”
~ Garfield
“Are you waiting like a cheetah?”
“I’m more of a panda.”
~ Dilbert and Wally, Dilbert
There is an art to flying, or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss… Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will miss it fairly hard.
~ The Guide, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe
“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of shoes—and ships—and sealing wax—
Of cabbages—and kings—
And why the sea is boiling hot—
And whether pigs have wings.”
~ “The Walrus and the Carpenter,” by: Lewis Carroll
“Fly my pretties! Fly!! …Sorry, it’s compulsory.”
~ Alexander, Queer As Folk (UK)
England is the only country in the world where the food is more dangerous than the sex.
~ Jackie Mason
“I have to live with myself every single day, and I know for a fact that I’m lovely. I’m completely lovely.”
~ Stuart, Queer As Folk (UK)
The tragedy of Canada is that they had the opportunity to have French cuisine, British culture and American technology, and instead they ended up with British cuisine, American culture and French technology.
~ Will Shetterly
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.
~ Dave Barry
“I didn’t know what puberty was until I was almost past it.”
~ the father, Bye Bye Birdie
“Sew, very old one. Sew like the wind!”
~ Ned, Three Amigos
“Are you going to laugh at me?”
“No, ma’am. We of the FBI do not have a sense of humor that we are aware of.”
~ Agent K, Men in Black
Historically, the differences between American and British audiences can be traced all the way back to Shakespeare’s day. During the reign of Elizabeth the First, the British theatre-going audience represented a wide cross-section of the contemporary culture. Shakespeare’s plays were enjoyed by farmers, smiths and bellows menders, as well as by lords, ladies and members of the landed gentry. At the same time, in America, the average audiences were primarily turkeys and genocidal Spaniards. Today, however, as you walk down Broadway, the genocidal Spaniards have virtually disappeared, though you can still see plenty of turkeys.
~ Adam Long, member of the Reduced Shakespeare Company
“The sixties offered the easy aphoristic wisdom of Charles Schulz, the self-satisfied seventies the prickly satire of Garry Trudeau. The Reagan eighties have spawned the demonic, subtle and slightly despairing humor of a former music-store clerk.”
~ Rolling Stone about Gary Larson and The Far Side
Mathematics becomes very odd when you apply it to people. One plus one can add up to so many different sums…
~ Heisenberg, Copenhagen by: Michael Frayn
“In my day opera was opera… And men were sopranos.”
~ The Barber of Seville in English
“One can never have enough socks.”
~ Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by: J.K. Rowling
Talon:
“Crow! He's going to get away!”
Morachi: “Didn't you find my gun?”
Talon: “You never asked me to get your gun!”
Morachi: “Oops! Little continuity error! ...I've lost a lot of blood
here...think I'll pass out.”
~ Poison Elves, By: Drew Hayes
“I
got 3 balloons for my birthday and after we moved, they were bouncing around in
the car until finally I just opened the door and let them go yelling
‘FREEDOM!!’…Then they just sort of…bounced along the ground.”
~
Mom (using a Mel Gibson-esque Scottish accent on ‘freedom’…it’s
hilarious when you hear it)
“The
statue talked!…you guys are working for a statue?”
~
Jade, Jackie Chan Show
or