“You make it sound like you’re thinking your way through things, but actually, you’re not thinking at all.”
~ Kurama about Yuusuke, Yu Yu Hakusho
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
~ http://rinkworks.com/said/courtroom.shtml
Few statements of any kind make much sense out of context. Ask a politician.
~ My calculus book
Sometimes I ask questions and then I don’t listen to the answers.
~ Scott Adams
I started a list of all the things I do that could be construed as crazy by an unkind observer. Number one on the list is “creating a list of all the things I do that could be construed as crazy by an unkind observer.”
~ Scott Adams
How come I always say never again, thought Miller, and every time I say it I am always doing it again within twenty minutes?
~ Dusty Miller upon climbing a sheer cliff, Thunderbolt from Navarone by: Sam Llewellyn
“Uh-oh.”
“Let me guess. We’re about to go over a huge waterfall.”
“Yep.”
“Sharp rocks at the bottom?”
“Most likely.”
“Bring it on.”
~ Pacha and Kuzco, The Emperor’s New Groove
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’ll be when you kill them.
~ Assassin Website
“Did you just call me a caveman?”
~ Jim to Blair, The Sentinel
“Most psychological research is done by rats and undergraduate students, then gets distributed to the rest of the world.”
~Psychology lecture
“This lady is skipping without a rope.”
~ The Tick, The Tick
“Hey, I thought you were tied up.”
“That’s because you are stupid.”
~ The Mask of Zorro
“Do you know how to use that thing?”
“Sure! The pointy end goes into the other man.”
“This is going to take a lot of work.”
~ The Mask of Zorro
“Let’s go for a walk, Garfield.”
“I’m not going for a walk.”
“You’re going for a walk.”
“I’m not going for a walk.”
“You’re going for a walk if I have to carry you!”
“I can’t argue with that logic.”
~ Jon and Garfield, Garfield Sits Around
“You know, on second thought, let’s not go into Camelot. ’Tis a silly place.”
~ King Arthur, Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail
“The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’ but ‘That’s funny . . .’”
~ Isaac Asimov
“The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.”
~ Oscar Wilde
“See that bright star directly overhead, Peter? That’s Vega, the harp star. It’s in the constellation Lyra. It’s 27 light-years away. That’s like 159,000,000,000,000 miles. That’s some distance….Kinda makes the four miles I led us down the wrong trail seem downright insignificant, wouldn’t you say?”
“If we don’t find our campsite soon, you’re going to be seeing a whole lot of stars, pal.”
~ Jason and Peter, Foxtrot by: Bill Amend
“What…what happened?”
“We are in barrels. That is the extent of my knowledge.”
~ Tulio and Miguel, The Road to El Dorado
“If you treat a man as he is, he will remain as he is; if you treat him as he ought to be and could be, he will become as he ought to be and could be.”
~ Goethe
Assistant: “Sir, there’s an unruly mob here to see you.”
Mayor: “Do they have an appointment?”
Assistant: “Uh…yes they do.”
Principal Skinner: “I called ahead!”
~ The Simpsons
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